Just A Dream
by one of eddie's girls
Summary: "He told me that I would never have to live this life without him, but that is exactly what he did." After finding herself alone to raise an infant Bella finds that her faith helps her gain strength and renewed love. AH, all usual characters Rated M
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight that honor goes to Stephanie Meyer. I only own an imagination and the emotions that have gone into this story.

I recommend to have tissues handy for the first few chapters of this story as I cried writing it.

I will not have a set update schedule for this story it will be as soon as the words can get out of my head onto screen.

Also if anyone is interested in becoming my beta I will happily accept. I have two wonderful pre-readers in Mugglemom and my wonderful Hubby but another set of eyes to help are always welcomed.

**Chapter 1 - Just a Dream**

I sat in the kitchen table looking out the window drinking a cup of tea, all I kept thinking about was how he had promised never to leave me alone. He told me that I would never have to live this life without him, but that is exactly what he did. He left me to be alone. Just as I was lost in my thoughts when my beautiful son began to cry over the monitor. I went to his room and took him into my arms. He was only a month along and now I was left to care for him by myself. He would never know what his father looked like, he would never be held by his dad, never be taught to play baseball or any other type of sport for that matter. I would never be able to teach him. Just as I was picking up my little boy I began to get even more angry, how could he do this to us. How could he leave me alone to take care of our son. How could he not see that this was going to hurt both of us. Did he not care enough to stay around and care for us. How was I supposed to do this alone?

"It's ok baby, mama's got you." I cooed to my little boy as his cries calmed.

"Oh honey I would have gotten him. You need to go and finish getting ready. We have to leave in less then an hour. I can get the baby ready," my dear mother said from the door

"No mom that's ok. I need to nurse him anyway. Besides this way I know I wont have to feed him again until after we have returned to the house. I don't want to have to feed him in a public place and there isn't anything about today that I really want to miss. I need to face this head-on," I said with more conviction then I felt.

"Alright baby I'm here if you need me for anything." my mother said as she walked back out of the room. I could see the pity in her eyes for what I would have to face today.

I began to nurse Andrew, and the emotions of everything that I would have to deal with today suddenly attacked me and I began to cry. I couldn't stop the tears from falling silently down my face over my cheeks and landing on my precious sons blanket.

As the pain became to much for me to bear my sister and sister-in-law walked into the nursery taking the baby from my hands. They embraced me and just let me sob into their shoulders. They gave me the strength that I needed in that moment. I would not have been able to deal with everything that I have been handed in the last month if it had not been for them. As I calmed I began to get angry again. How could he do this to me. How could he just leave me to deal with all this alone. I didn't know how I was going to survive once everyone went back to their own lives. I had no job, a young son to care for, no money to pay any of the bills, I had nothing. I could not put the pressure on my friends and family to help me. They had to worry about their own lives, I would not be a burden to anyone. I refuse to let this affect others lives as well. I would have to find a way to overcome all the obstacles in my life.

"Come lets get you dressed, I think mom can make sure that Andrew is burped and dressed. You don't want him to see you like this, I know you want him to see you are stronger then anyone ever expected you to be." My sister exclaimed with all her wisdom. She was right I didn't want him to see me like this I wanted him to see that I was stronger than that. Even if he did leave me the way that he did. I would survive the solitude that he had imposed on me.

Anger at this point was the only thing that was getting me through each day. It was the only thing that was keeping me from breaking down completely. I needed to hold on to the pain and anger that I had inside of me, because if I didn't the pain would be so overwhelming that I would completely break down and not survive. I had to survive, Andrew needed me. I was all he had left aside from his grandparents, aunts and uncles, but they would not be able to give him everything I could.

Once my sister brought me into my room, getting dressed was more like an instinct then it was a conscious act. I was dressed and with my face and hair made up before I even knew it. When mom walked in the room informing me that Andrew was ready to go, I knew it was time to face the hardest thing that I would ever have to deal with in my life. I took a deep breath and prepared to walk out my home. It was finally the time to say goodbye to my past and prepare for the unknown future.

We arrived at the church that had been the source of one of the happiest days of my life and now one of the saddest and hardest. The main pastor greeted us with a compassionate smile. As we approached him Pastor Jeff gave me a strong hug and reminded me that I am not alone in any of this. He reminded me that even when I feel alone, angry and in a dark place that God was standing next to me holding me up. That God would never leave me alone.

"Remember my child the Lord has not left you, he has sent you an living angel to remind you that you need to stay strong and fight. Fight against the pain and anger. Also remember that Jake is finally in a place that we can only hope to arrive some day. He is with the Lord watching over you and Andrew. He is making sure that the devil can not get to you or your little boy."

"Thank you Pastor Jeff, but it so hard to believe those words at the moment. Jake promised that he would never leave me, even in his vows on our wedding day he made a promise to me, in front of the Lord, our friends and family that he would always be there for me. Now I am alone, with a young son. How could he do that to us? How could he give up, why would he stop fighting?" The anger was once again beginning to seep into my words as I spoke what was in my heart to the pastor.

"But you see my child this is where you are wrong. He has not left you. He is right here with you, he is standing next to you, he is making sure that you can get up each day and care for Andrew. He has made sure that your family is with you to help you. He has thought of everything you could need at a time like this, and made sure that it was provided to you." With those parting words he excused himself to go back into the sanctuary and make sure that everything was ready for Jake's funeral.

Pastor Jeff began the funeral with a prayer for consolation: "Father of all mercies and God of all consolation, you pursue us with untiring love and dispel the shadow of death with the bright dawn of life. Give courage to this family in their loss and sorrow. Be their refuge and strength, O Lord, reassure them of your continuing love

and lift them from the depths of grief into the peace and light of your presence. Your Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, by dying has destroyed our death, and by rising, restored our life.

Your Holy Spirit, our comforter, speaks for us in groans too deep for words. Come alongside your people, remind them of your eternal presence and give them your comfort and strength" His words were said softly but they gave me the strength to not breakdown again in front of all our friends and family. They had seen me breakdown to much already over the last month. I held on tighter to my son and the last thing that I had of Jake.

"I remember being the first person to present Jacob to the Lord. I dedicated him and his life to serving our Father. I saw him grow up and become a man of great faith. I witnessed him give strength and faith to others around him. I remember the day he chose to give himself fully to the Lord and decided to be baptized as one of Gods children. I remember when he stood in my office the day he said he met the woman that the Lord had made just for him. I was there the day he graduated from high school, then college. I was honored to announce him as Jr. Pastor for our Youth. I was present when he bent down on one knee and asked Isabella to become his wife and life long partner. Right here at this alter I was blessed to join them in the sanction of marriage. Now I am blessed to send him home to rejoice with our Heavenly father and his son Jesus Christ." The tears that I thought had run dry slid down my face once more at the beautiful words that were being said of my husband. Pastor Jeff had gotten to see all those things, he got to celebrate in all our joys and now our sorrows. As the words sunk in and continued to permeate my heart and I felt like I could no longer breath, the sun suddenly shown into the room, and I knew that was Jake giving me proof that he was happy. He had always been my sun, he held me when I was sad and found a way to make me happy once again. He made me laugh and showed me that life was a blessing that God gave us each and every day. In that moment I knew that the words that Pastor Jeff had said in the foyer were all true. Jake was there standing next to me giving me strength and making sure that I would once again be happy. He never truly left me. Yes his body was no longer standing next to me, or holding me but his spirit and soul always would be.

As Pastor Jeff closed off the funeral with more words of encouragement and prayer. I felt relief, joy and peace swell in my heart. I stood from my seat at the front of church and together with Andrew I placed a single Lilly on the top of his casket. With my silent prayer to love him and keep him in my heart always I walked down the aisle once again but this time alone.

Outside the sanctuary Billy sat in his wheelchair silently morning the loss of his only son. I walked up to him and embraced him. It had been over a month since I had last seen him. He had refused to see me, which hurt deeply since I loved him like a father. When he saw me he tried to turn away from me. "Please Billy, please don't walk away from me now. This is the time that we need to hold on to each other the most. Give each other the strength that Jake would have wanted us to hold on to."

"I'm so sorry Bella. I..." he was at loss for words, and I could completely understand that. I knew how hard the loss was on both of us, but Billy had the self imposed added guilt.

As I grabbed his hand and held it tightly I reminded him that this was not his fault.

"Oh but it is Bella, the reason he is gone is because he had come to help me at the house. If he would have just stayed home with you that night he would still be here with us."

Yes it was true Jake died because of the accident that he got into on the way to the hospital from Billy's when I went into labor. But if the blame were to be put on someone that person should be the drunk driver. Not Billy.

Jake spent a month in ICU before the doctors determined that he was brain dead and there was no chance of recovery. Billy was so guilt ridden that he refused to be there when the DNR was signed and the doctors turned off the machines that were keeping Jake alive. He made sure that I was not in the hospital the times that he was there. I know because Charlie would tell me he asked him specifically what time I was going to be sure he was either gone or waited until I left before showing up.

"But what about if the accident was meant to happen anyway. God has a plan for all of us and if that was Jake's destined night to go then that was the way the Lord had it planned. Billy what if we would have gotten into that accident together, what if that drunk driver had hit both of us on the way to the hospital? Would it have been ok that the driver hit both of us and we both would have died? No... God did not have it destined to take us both from Andrew's life. Nor would Jake like for you to live with this guilt about his loss. He would want you to spend as much time as you possibly could with your grandson. Billy it was just Jake's destiny to leave us when he left us. Please stop living with this guilt and pushing us out of your life." Just as I was finishing up my speech Andrew awoke with a whimper, "See even Andrew wants his grandfather to be part of his life."

Billy wiped the tears that were stuck in his eyes and extended his hands out to take Andrew from my arms. It was beautiful to see him embrace his grandson for the first time.

I knew at that moment that everything was going to be alright and Andrew and I were not alone or will ever truly be left to survive with no one by our sides.

Credit for title of this story goes to Mugglemom who after reading this chapter found the song _Just a Dream_ by Carrie Underwood and fit it perfectly. Without her knowing what I was picturing while I was writing the funeral scene she found the song. It was exactly as I saw it in my head Thank you for all your help and everything that you do for me bb. I love you

Thank you to my hubby E for putting up with me and my obsessions. I Love you.

Songs that helped to inspire this story; _Could it be any Harder_ by The Calling and _Untitled_ by Simple Plan. Thank you to Gelix for sharing the songs with us in her story When Love and Hate Collide. If you have not read it or her other story Married to the enemy I don't know where you have all been. They are the absolute best stories.

Consolation prayer was found on: www(dot)prayer-and-prayers(dot)info(slash)christian-prayers(slash)consolation-prayer(dot)htm


	2. Chapter 2  One More Day

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight that honor goes to Stephanie Meyer. I only own an imagination and the emotions that have gone into this story.

I recommend to have tissues handy for the first few chapters of this story as I cried writing it.

**Chapter 2- One more Day**

We arrived at the house a little while later for the party that had been planned for after the church service. Jake had once told me that he did not want people morning his death he wanted them to celebrate his life. As his wife I had promised that I would make sure that is exactly what we would do. Of course when I made that promise I did not expect it to be so soon but after our golden years had been passed. I was happy to see that Charlie arrived with Billy. After we had our discussion in the foyer Charlie and Renee also spoke with Billy and convinced him to come to the house for the party. Everyone from the Reservation was at our house. But the only people I really cared to see there were my parents, my sister Alice and Rachel my sister-in-law. They had been so good helping me with Andrew while I visited Jake when he was in the hospital. Not to mention the last few days that I have been the most difficult. Not wanting to get up or see the rest of the world but having to get out there and deal with the preparations for the funeral and party.

"Bella there you are," Alice came up to me like if she had been looking for me for hours.

"Yeah Alice here I am, but we all just got here. What's up?"

"Oh, nothing I was just getting worried about you," she replied shyly.

I knew her intentions were in the right place. I just wished people would stop worrying about me right now. We needed to focus on everyone else. I have had and will continue have plenty of time to breakdown again and truly mourn in the weeks and months to come. I prayed each night that the Lord would give me the peace that I would need to go day by day.

As I once again said my prayer for peace and tranquility to my heavenly father I was interrupted by a gentleman that I had never seen before.

"Excuse me Mrs. Black?"

"Yes? Can I help you?"

"Yes.. I'm sorry for your loss. I am Mr. Martin, I work for Nationwide Insurance Group. I need to speak with you for a moment in regards to Mr. Black's policy."

"I'm sorry Mr. Martin but I don't think Jake had Nationwide for our auto insurance company. Unless he had changed it since the last time that we had to renew our policy he had State Farm." I was completely confused and a bit upset that the auto insurance company would want to talk about the car at this time. I mean it had been a month since the accident happened, and my dad had been the one dealing with all the insurance and car repairs.

A sad smile crossed his face before he began to explain, "No Mrs. Black I am not from the auto insurance company, I am from your husbands life insurance company."

Realization that Jake had thought of everything astounded me. He had worried and made sure that we had a life insurance policy even at the young age of 23. "Um... Mr. Martin is this something that we need to discuss right at this moment?"

"I'm afraid so Mrs. Black, you see the way that Mr. Black had set up the policy all paper work needs to be processed and prepared in less then 30 days. As it is we are starting late with the paper work if the payout will be done before Mr. Blacks deadline."

With a heavy heart and a resigned sigh I agreed to speak with Mr. Martin in the office that Jake had in the spare room. I showed him where the office was and went to find my dad.

"Dad could you please come and help me with something?"

"Sure Bells, what do you need?"

I explained to Charlie what Mr. Martin had told me about Jake having a policy with his company and the need he had to speak with me immediately. Charlie put his arm around my shoulders and walked with me back into the office.

*****JaD*****

When I walked back out of the office I could not believe all that Mr. Martin had told me. I was in complete and utter shock. How could I have not known anything about this. Jake had not only set up an insurance policy that would pay out almost 1 million dollars over the next 20 years but also set up a trust fund for Andrew that would earn interest annually to pay off his education all the way through graduate school if he should choose to go that route.

I don't know how Jake even knew to set something like that up until I had a long talk with Pastor Jeff.

"My dear, Jake knew something that many are still not ready to accept. He knew when to listen to the Holy Spirit. The Lord had given him instructions to get these things set up and put into place so that you nor Andrew would ever have a need." Was Pastor Jeff's explanation on how Jake would have known to set something like that up.

I had been a Christian woman for almost 6 years now and not until that moment did I see how important it was to listen to what the Holy Spirit was telling you to do when he told you to do it. Had Jake not listened to those instructions he would have passed and we would have been left with nothing. Jake had set up that policy only 6 months ago when we found out that Andrew was a boy, and the urgency for the policy to be in place in the next 30 days was because he had set it up so as I would not pass one month worrying about how the bills were going to be paid. If I had ever had any doubt of the Lords blessings at all during the last month and weeks of pain, they were completely erased and taken away in that moment.

"Even in death Jake is taking care of us. He truly kept his word and will never leave me or our son alone."

"No my dear child he will not ever leave you. Even in death he has kept his promise to you that he made before God." With those words and a pat to my folded hands Pastor Jeff was the last to leave my home.

*****JaD*****

I was alone with just Andrew for the first time since the accident. Renee and Alice would be back in the morning to help clean and just because they refused to leave me alone for to long until they were sure that I was going to be ok. But they also knew that I needed to break the ice and begin getting used to being in the house alone. I needed to make sure that I morned and cried properly. I knew that Andrew needed to be cared for and I would never leave him alone. Knowing that I would have that slight distraction helped, but I relished in the solitude of being able to truly morn the loss of my husband. I prayed my prayer for peace, I sobbed harder then I had ever sobbed in my life before, I laughed remembering different things that Jacob and I shared in our lives, and I got angry. I got angry with Jake for not fighting and getting better, with God for taking my husband from me and his father from my son, with the drunk driver for being on the road that day, and at the doctors for not being able to do more to save my husband. Then after I was done with all that anger and throwing things around, I was finally able to just accept and let go. I slept that night dreaming of my Jake and the future we had once desired but will now never have.

The most powerful of all the dreams that I had that night was the one with Jacob and I standing at the edge of the shore back in First Beach. I was holding Andrew in my arms, he was about a year old reaching his little arms out to Jake. Jake had the saddest look in his eyes, shaking his head telling his little boy that daddy couldn't hold him. It broke my heart to see the agony in his face of not being able to hold his little boy.

"Andrew daddy is too weak to hold you my wonderful boy. I'm so sorry," were Jake's pained words.

He then turned to me, "Bella you have done a wonderful job of raising him. I can see that he is going to be a great man."

"Just the way his father was."

He laughed sadly, "Yes, but it's time for you to be happy Bella. I want both of you to go on. I need to know that you will both be ok."

"We are ok Jake, you made sure of it when you set up the insurance policy. You made sure that we would not need anything."

"That is not what I mean Bella. There are things that you and Andrew need that I can not provide for you. Money can not bring certain things back into your life, and I can't be there to give them to you. As much as I may want to."

"No! Jacob Black do not dare and ask us to move on without you. We can't do that. You are the only person who can ever do that for us." I was getting angry, how dare he even think that I would be able to continue with my life without him in it.

"Yes you can Bella. Andrew needs you to go on with your life. He needs you to be able to wake up each day and smile and laugh and be that person what I fell in love with. Please for me that is the only thing I ask of you. Get up and live your lives, show me that you are the woman that I married." With those words Jake disappeared as if he was never standing in front of me. As I looked around Andrew was no longer around me either. I was alone.

I screamed and ran further into the cold ocean trying to find my son and my husband but neither were there. I didn't know what I was going to do anymore. I woke up to Alice holding me tightly and soothing me that it would be ok.

"Bella, it's ok, it will be ok. Please just wake up. Please." the agony in her words was evident.

"Andrew is right here baby, he isn't going anywhere he is right here baby. Please wake up." I heard my mothers panicked voice say from my other side.

"I'm awake. I'm awake." My voice was nothing but a whisper, it was hard to speak, my throat was raw. I must have been screaming in my sleep. As I cleared my throat to speak louder I felt the tear drip onto my lips.

When I moved my arms to wipe my face it alerted Alice and my mom that I was finally awake.

"Oh Bella we should never have left you alone last night. Baby we are so sorry. It was too soon. I knew we should have just slept in the guest room." Renee lamented.

"No mom please stop. I needed to do this. Its fine. I'm fine. It was just a dream. Please I promise I'm ok and I will continue to be ok. It will get easier. If I didn't do this now then I would never have done it. So stop worrying," I assured Renee.

She scoffed, "It is my job to worry about you Bella your my baby. I know you have a baby of your own at this point but you will always be my baby. You will always be my little girl. I just want to take this pain away for you. I wish there was more I could do for you."

"Your doing everything you can do mom. I can't begin to tell you, dad and Alice how much being here with me, for me this last couple of months means to me. But I know you can't keep putting your lives on hold. I need to start moving on with life. I need to get out there find a job, get back to working with the church. I just need to honor Jake's memory the way that he would have wanted me to."

"Bella we are your family if we could not be here for you then who would be?" Alice brushed off my words of gratitude.

"No Alice, I'm sure Jasper would love to have his wife back at home taking care of him more then me. And mom I'm sure Phil's missing you back in Florida. Spring training is about to begin and I know he only gets a few more weeks of being home all the time."

"Bella you need us more right now," my mother tried to argue.

"No, stop Mom, please. It's time for me to get back to the real world. Jake would not have wanted me to spend anymore time hiding from the rest of the world. One thing I learned last night was just that." I went on to explain to them the dream that I had. I knew in that dream that Jake was telling me I had spent enough time hiding and morning it was time to get out and help the world again.

"Bella are you sure?I know that Jasper won't mind me coming out here every day."

Alice lives in Renton which is about 35-45 minutes south of where I live in Lynnwood. She had been spending so much time here with me before and after work that she hardly had time to spend with her husband of 4 years, Jasper. My mom had been with me since right around the first weeks of November. She wanted to make sure she was here before Andrew was due and she was supposed to leave two weeks after before the holiday season started, but then all that changed when Jake was in the accident. She had changed her ticket to an open departure date so she could be here to help me. But I knew in my heart it was time for all of us to try and get back to our routines again.

"Alice I'm sure. As a matter of fact I think I will call Pastor Jeff as soon as I finish getting up. He offered me a position at the church." I was resolved to keep Jake happy even in death. I was going to listen to him. If he wanted me to start living my life then that is exactly what I would do. I would start making a life for not only Andrew's sake but for mine as well.

*****JaD*****

Right after I was done with breakfast and getting Andrew dressed and fed I went into Jake's office and called up Pastor Jeff. He asked me to come in Wednesday morning so that he could speak to me about the job he had in mind for me. When I asked him for some details all he would tell me was that I was perfect for this job and it was a new position that he was starting. When I expressed that I did not want him to begin a new position at the church just for me. He scoffed and said that the position was already something that was in the works before Jake died and that he was going to offer it to me then, but wanted to wait until after Andrew was born.

After my phone call I convinced my mom to set a date to leave. I really wanted her to go back to Florida and be there for Phil. I appreciated all the time that she had spent with Andrew and me but I had already decided that I did not want to be a burden to my family anymore. Don't get me wrong I was going to miss her like crazy, but I just couldn't keep doing things the way we had been for the last month.

Alice left for work not long after I had gotten after the shower, but I had made her promise me that she would go straight home and not come back here until the weekend. She tried to argue with me at first, but when I threatened to call Jasper and make him pick her up and drop her off for the rest of the week if she even thought of coming over, she relented.

The next thing I had to do was work out some kind of schedule with Billy so that he could spend time with Andrew. I meant what I had told him. I wanted him to be able to spend and much time as possible with his grandson. It was going to be hard enough with us being at such a long drive from each other. I had considered asking Billy if he wanted to move into the guestroom for a few months to just bond with Andrew, but realised that was not a smart idea. I would end up using Billy as a crouch and that is one thing I refused to do. He answered on the second ring.

"Hey Bella. To what do I owe this pleasure of having you call me? How is my little man Andrew?" Billy sounded much more upbeat then he had the last time I saw him. I had not gotten a real chance to go to Forks, nor had I really wanted to leave the house much since, so I hadn't really spoken to him since the funeral.

"He's good Billy real good. He would like to know when he can come and spend some time with his grandpa."

"You are both welcomed to come and see me anytime, but if it would be easier on you I can also come up to see you in Seattle."

"No, that's quite alright Billy. I think it would be great for both of us to get out there to see you." I didn't want him to think I didn't want him to come over if all I said was no, but if I let him come and stay with us I was afraid that I would never let him go back.

"How about this weekend then?"

"Well I have a meeting with Pastor Jeff on Wednesday, but then we can come by and spend a few days with you before Sunday. Andrew and I can be there Thursday morning."

"Wonderful Bella, I look forward to being able to spend some time with you and Andrew. I have missed you both."

"Us too Billy. And we will see you on Thursday."

With that I ended the call and felt better that I would have a plan in place to keep me busy. Renee's flight was for Wednesday afternoon and I would only have to spend one night alone before I went to spend a couple of days with Billy.

*****JaD*****

**A/N: A**ll my thanks and love to my hubby and mugglemom for all their pre-reading and advise.

The title to this chapter comes from the song _One More Day _by: Diamond Rio.

I am trying to write some of the chapters ahead of time so I could give anyone that reviews a teaser. So I will try and do that as soon as possible. Thank you for reading. Chapter 3 is already playing in my head so I am hoping to be able to send out teasers soon.

What kind of job do you think Bella will be offered?

I am going to try to rec the stories that have been keeping me busy lately. Some of these stories are under appreciated and some are seen every where, but either way they still capture my interest.

**One Night of Love - **by Mugglemom - Edward and Bella want a child of their own. What lengths will they go to for this dream? What are the consequences? This is a one-shot but it shows the lengths a couple would go to have a child.

**The Surrogate** **-** by TayBee - Bella, desperate for cash, becomes a surrogate. It's only for nine months, right?

Ok well that is all for tonight. Remember all mistakes are mine and mine alone. If anyone is willing to help out in becoming my beta, I would gladly accept. And sorry for the epic A/N


	3. Chapter 3 What hurts the most

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight that honor goes to Stephanie Meyer. I only own an imagination and the emotions that have gone into this story.

Title for this chapter comes from _**What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts**_

Thank You to all that have alerted/ fav'd. Also a special thank you to Twisted Musalih for being the only reader who has reviewed both chapters. I hope more of you tell me what you think of this little story. The emails advising me what you all think and how you like my story put a huge smile on my face and motivate the muse to inspire more of the story out of me.

*****JaD*****

**Chapter 3 - What hurts the most.**

I got up on Wednesday got Andrew and myself ready to head out to the church to meet with Pastor Jeff. Thankfully the church has a daycare on premises and I knew I could leave Andrew there while I met with the pastor. As soon as I arrived I was greeted by Angela the Pastors assistant.

"Bella! How are you honey? And how is little Andrew?" Angela enthusiastically asked.

"We are great Ang. And you how are you? How is Ben?" I replied with as much enthusiasm as I could.

"He is great, he has just been so busy lately. We have had 6 photo shoots scheduled in the last month. So between being here to help Pastor Jeff and working on our business we have had almost no time together." Angela and her husband Ben have been together as long as Jake and I had been. They only got married a few months ago and own a photography studio, which Ben runs most of the time. Angela is the daughter of the previous pastor of our church, and when he retired he left Pastor Jeff in charge as well as appointed Angela to office assistant. Over the last two years that Pastor Jeff has been in charge and Angela's knowledge of the way things worked in the church office as well as her work ethic Pastor Jeff appointed her as his personal assistant and hired Jessica as a general office assistant.

"Would it be ok if I left Andrew in the daycare while I meet with Pastor Jeff?" I wanted to get an ok before I just left my son in the daycare area even though I knew no one would really mind.

"Of course Bella, he is always welcome to stay in there you don't even need to ask."

"Thanks Ange, I am going to go drop him off with Bekah and will be ready for my meeting."

"Perfect I will let Pastor Jeff know that you arrived, this way he should be ready for you once you get back." With that I walked the short distance to the daycare center.

I greeted Rebekah the daycare manager, "Morning Bekah how are you this morning?"

"Miss Bella! Good morning. What are you doing here today?" Rebekah inquired. Rebekah was only 19 and recently graduated from high school, but had been working after school in the daycare since she was 13. So when the position of manager became available at the beginning of summer she was the most qualified to take over it. She knows the way the daycare worked better than anyone else in the center did.

"I have a meeting with Pastor Jeff and was wondering if it was ok to leave Andrew with you while I am in my meeting?"

"Of course we would love to spend some time with little Andrew. We haven't really gotten a chance to spoil him since... he was born."

It felt like if she had wanted to say something else but left it at that. I am sure she was trying to make sure that she didn't upset me with any reminders of Jake or the fact that I had basically spent the time since he was born hold up in my home and hiding from the world because of Jake's passing.

"Yeah, well you get to spoil him for a little while for now. He will spend the next couple of services with me just until he has a more regular feeding schedule and we can work it so its not during service. Then if this meeting with Pastor Jeff goes the way I have a feeling it will go, you will be spending a lot of time with Andrew in the future." I chuckled lightly and winked at Bekah before handing over my son. "Oh, before I forget. How much will it be for him to stay here with you?"

"Don't even worry about it Miss Bella, its on me today." With that Rebekah walked away into the back with my son.

I walked back into the church office and Angela escorted me straight into Pastor Jeff's office.

As soon as Angela closed the office door Pastor Jeff and greeted me with a warm hug and smile. "Bella, dear how are you doing?"

"I'm doing better each day Pastor Jeff and yourself?" I greeted with just as a warm smile and hug.

"That is wonderful news my child. Well let's get down to the real reason I asked you to come down here and meet with me today shall we?"

"Of course Pastor Jeff. What is this job that you have in mind for me?"

"Well Bella, as you are aware I am trying to help our church here grow and become more involved not only in our community but in other communities as well. In doing this we have a huge influx of new people coming to seek the Lord. Well the position that I had created with you in mind was to be official greeter not only on the days that these people come to our church for the first time, but also to follow up with them to see how they liked the experience. This will hopefully help to make these visitors feel welcomed and decide to join our church on a more regular basis. I have a goal to double if not triple the size of our congregation by the end of the year."

Pastor Jeff took a pause and walked over to sit next to me. He looked like he was preparing to say something that I may not like. So far the job sounded great and like something that was right up my alley, so I wasn't sure what what making him feel apprehensive.

"Bella, after what happened with Jake, I thought I would add another position as well. And after some consideration I thought to combine both of these positions and offer them both to you. You have dealt with the grief of losing you husband so well and have held on to your faith stronger than anyone who is going through everything you went through in such a short period time. Your handling of everything better than anyone ever expected. You are and can be such an inspiration to so many others. I think it would be wonderful that you could show others that even when things look dark and hard God is still there for you. And who better to show that to people but someone who has been through the kind of loss that you have been through." Pastor Jeff stopped to help me absorb everything that he just finished telling me as well as to give me a second to compose myself. I was so emotional from hearing him express his pride in me for the way that I have been dealing with everything. I didn't feel worthy of such praises, but knew better than to argue with him.

"As honored that I am that you think so highly of me Pastor Jeff, I don't think I am fully capable of such a important position as grief counseling. I did take some Psychology classes in college but those were all completely required classes. I haven't taken anything that would make me anywhere close to a good social worker much less a counselor. I will be more than happy to work in a position of greeter as well as follow up with each visitor and encourage them to continue to seek the Lord even if it is not with our church."

"I understand Bella that you don't feel comfortable with the second position, and it is something that has only come to me in the last month, but I still think that what you experienced and dealt with can not be taught in a book. With that being said. I am also offering to send you back to school so that you can work on a degree that would make you more qualified educationally for that position. I am also offering to have special arrangements made so that little Andrew has someone to care for him while you are at school. Of course your position here at the church will be completely flexible to fit around your schedule and responsibilities. If you would also prefer to work from home for the follow ups or go out and speak with people in person that is fine with me. I want to work with you so that you can feel confident with doing this job." Pastor Jeff looked at me expectantly after putting all those offers out to me.

I took a deep breath to give me a chance to voice what I was thinking without it sounding like I was completely dismissing the idea. I was a little worried about it but was now more willing to think it over. "I will tell you what Pastor Jeff, give me until the weekend to think about all this. I promise that I will have a more definitive answer for you in regards to the counseling part of the job, but I would be more than happy to take the greeter position."

Pastor Jeff smiled at my diplomatic answer before agreeing. We spoke a little while longer on how I was trying to work on doing things alone. I also told him my plan to go visit Billy the next few days.

When I told him about the dream I had with Jake and him telling me to move on with my life to get back to living, he agreed that it was a message I should take to heart. He agreed that I couldn't just stop living my life, one because I had a small son to care for and two because I was still young and shouldn't close myself off from the world at such a young age. He reminded me of the story of Job, who even after he lost everything he kept his faith in the Lord and kept living his life.

I left the church with Andrew about two hours after I had arrived, I fed Andrew, then set him down for a nap before going into my own room to nap. I had another dream with Jake, but this one was a short one with him just smiling at me from a distance.

I woke up shortly after with a feeling of peace in me. Since Andrew was still asleep I decided to go into the office and do a little research on what is required for a grief counselor. Also I wanted to see if there were courses I could take online. I was seriously considering the position that Pastor Jeff had offered me. I knew better than anyone else in the church what it felt like to lose and gain so much in the same day. Yes there were others in our church that had lost husbands or other loved ones. But I was the only one that had to choose to have the life support removed from her husband only a month after their child had been born. I was the only person in our church that had to worry about raising a little boy by myself. We had plenty of single parents in our church don't get me wrong but many of those single parents had children that were at least a year old. Also many of those children had another parent that they didn't live with to spend time with. I would be completely alone when it came to the hardest times of my childs' life.

I stayed in the office looking things over until Andrew awoke. I changed, fed him and got him ready to head out to the Wednesday evening service. The pastor greeted everyone just as he does at every service but made special mention of welcoming the newest little member of our congregation, my little Andrew. The teaching of that night felt like it was taken straight out of a page in my life recently. He again preached about all the difficulties that Job had gone through and how through each step of the way he held strong to his faith. Deep down I knew that Pastor Jeff was giving this preaching especially because I was back in the church after a two month absence and because of what we had spoken about earlier in the afternoon, but I was fine with hearing it again. After the service I was enveloped in hugs from a few of the older members of the congregation that knew Jake since he was a small boy, as well as a few of the other Pastors that I had not seen in a while. Everyone had something to say on how much Andrew looked like Jake when he was that age. It put a sad smile on my face that my son looked just like his dad. I had thought it from the first moment but hearing others confirm it was just amazing. Soon enough Andrew and I were on our way back home. I still had to pack our clothes for the weekend and with an infant I knew that the amount of things need would be at least double if not tripled.

After I made sure that I had packed everything that we might need, I went to check that the pac-n-play was still in the box in the trunk. It felt a little weird looking at it for the first time since Jake put it in the trunk the day of our baby shower. We had not even taken it out of the box. And now that I looked at it I was getting over whelmed with the feeling that I could never remove it from my trunk again. I decided that I would just take the top portion of his bassinet instead. I would adjust it so that he could sleep next to me on the couch or something. I couldn't bring myself to think of taking something that Jake touched last out of my car. I guess I was not as strong as I thought I was just yet. I still had lots of feelings to deal with. I shut the trunk and headed back into the house, we had a long 4 hour trip ahead of us tomorrow and I needed to rest.

*****JaD*****

Early on Thursday morning I got Andrew into the car and headed to Forks. I was going to split my two nights with Billy and my dad. I had called Charlie and told him that I had promised to spend a few days with Billy without even thinking that I should spend it with him as well. Charlie understood and told me not to worry about it, that what was important was letting Billy have as much time as he could with Andrew to see if it helped him heal from the loss. After calling Billy and telling him of my over site, he was more than gracious to give me a day to spend with my dad and Andrew even thought the time was supposed to be spent with him. I told my dad that I would at least spend one night with him before I had to head back to Seattle, he was over joyed that I would adjust things. The trip to Forks was slow and long but we eventually made it to Billy's.

As soon as I knocked on the door Billy was opening it. I chuckled slightly because it felt as if he was waiting at the door for us to just knock. "Were you waiting for us Billy? Eager to spend time with your grandson?"

"Of course I'm eager to spend time with my little man, but no I heard the car pull up and decided to make my way to the door and see if I could give you a hand with anything just as you were knocking." He said as he extended his arms to take Andrew from me. I handed him over happily and headed back to the car to start bringing our things in the house.

Once I had everything including the bassinet in the house Billy asked, "Bella why did you bring the bassinet? Where is the pac-n-play I got you guys?"

"Oh Billy, it's still in the trunk."

"What's wrong with it, isn't it the one that you had on your list? Do you not like it? Is it defective? Do I need to go return it or do you need the receipt to go and exchange it?" His puzzled and hurt face was more than I could bare and I began to cry.

Once I had calmed enough to speak I explained to Billy why I couldn't bring myself to remove the pac-n-play from the car and how I felt so weak for not being able to do something so simple.

"Bella, honey we just lost him a month ago, you are doing better than I am. I haven't been able to go into his garage and he hasn't been in there for 4 years. No one expects you to just be ok with things over night."

"But you don't understand Billy, Jake would never have wanted me to keep a hold of things like this. He would want me to get on with things and take the thing out of the car and set it up. Not let it sit in my trunk."

"Yes sweet heart he would want you to take it out of your trunk _eventually_ not only a month after he passed away. He would understand that not everything can be overcome in such a short time." Billy put extra emphasis on eventually so that I knew that it was ok to feel the way I was feeling.

*****JaD*****

The rest of the weekend went relatively quite after my breakdown. Billy spent most of his time spoiling Andrew and carrying him. Then Andrew and I went to my dads house Friday evening and stayed there until mid-day Saturday. I promised both my dad and Billy that Andrew and I would try to come and spend the day with them at least once a month. I also made them promise to come up to visit us at the house.

Once I got home I had several messages from Alice on why I wasn't answering my house phone. Which pretty much made me laugh considering she never even tried to call me to the cell. I called her back as soon as I finished getting Andrew settled.

"Hey Ali, how are you?" I greeted as soon as she answered the phone.

"Bella? Where in Gods good name have you been the last three days? I have been going crazy here. I even went to your house to check up on you and no one was home? Don't you think I worry about you? You promised that I could spend some time with you and Andrew this weekend if I behaved and didn't come to see you after work." She said all in one breath.

"Alice relax I went to Forks early Thursday, but I'm home now. I went to spend some time with Billy and dad."

"Yeah but you didn't tell me and you promise I could spend time with my little nephew," she all but pouted over the phone. I could just see her pouty face right as she spoke.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you Ali, it was something I thought of after you left the other day. I thought it would be nice to spend a few days with Billy and dad. Again I am sorry I didn't tell you about it. But like I said we are home now if you want to come by." I wanted to comfort her that me not letting her know was not to hurt her but it was something that I had to do. Alice made a happy sound and informed me that she will be over in a few minutes with Jasper.

*****JaD*****

**A/N:** I had hoped to post this chapter a few days ago but I got busy with cooking for Thanksgiving and then did Black Friday shopping. It took me the rest of the weekend to catch up on my sleep.

I have already started to work on chapter 4 (actually I kind of stopped chapter 3 here because it just seemed like the best place to stop. If I kept going I would end up being twice as long and then I wouldn't fit into my normal writing length.) So that is where chapter 4 comes from.

As always I have a teaser for those who review.

All my thanks and love to the lovely Mugglemom and my hubby whose initials happen to be EAC.

Story rec for this week:

I have a personal interest in the story as I help pre-read this but the concept is great. **One Night in Vegas by: .Housex-** - After going through a horrible divorce, Bella finds herself in Vegas with her best friend Alice in hope to lose herself and momentarily forget the pain of lost love for a night.

I found this story/ writer through others on my facebook account. Even though its a fairly new story it is very good please read and review. **Hinges of Fate by: leechlover81** - Minutes before Edward Cullen's birth, his dying Grandfather made a prediction of five terrible days that Edward will endure. With the help of his loved ones can he overcome these five days? More importantly will his last terrible day be his last day ever?

Well that is all for now. I hope to be able to work on chapter 4 for you guys to post sometime this week.


	4. Chapter 4 Come home

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight that honor goes to Stephanie Meyer. I only own an imagination and the emotions that have gone into this story.

Thank You to all that have alerted/ fav'd. I hope more of you tell me what you think of this little story. The emails advising me what you all think and how you like my story put a huge smile on my face and motivate the muse to inspire more of the story out of me. I got a few more reviews last chapter, so I am glad that this story is getting you more and more excited. I hope that this can continue. Remember anyone who reviews will get a small teaser of the next chapter.

All my thanks to Mugglemom for pre-reading and catching all my excessive comas this week.

Title and Song for this chapter is **Come Home by: One Republic and Sara Bareilles**

*****JaD*****

Chapter 4- Come Home

I was happy that Jasper was coming with her. I missed spending time with my brother-in-law. He always has had such a calming affect on all those around him. I also wanted see if I could use him as a sounding board for the position that Pastor Jeff had offered me. I still had to make a decision on what I wanted to do about the counseling position. The fact that Jasper works at the hospital would be helpful in knowing if he thought this was a good idea and what I could do to learn more on ways to help people.

Jasper is the Director of Mental Health at the hospital. Even though he is not a doctor or psychologist himself he has the educational background to work in the administrative part of the department. Jasper will be able to inform me on what kind of information I need to get started. Or he could direct me to who was the best person to speak to about everything. As I sat in the living room thinking this over Alice and Jasper arrived. Of course because she has her own key my big sister just walked right into my house and pretty much scaring the crap out of me.

"Belly! How's my lil sissy?" she yelled as she came bouncing into the living room where I was sitting.

"Alice!" I quietly scolded her "Shhhh... Andrew is sleeping. Do you have to yell?"

She looked genuinely chastised as she apologized for coming in the way she did. "Oops, I'm sorry Bell."

I got up and greeted both my sister and Jasper with a big hug and kiss. Just as I was finishing up with my greeting, Andrew decided he too wanted to join in and have a visit with his aunt and uncle.

"I'll get him." Alice exclaimed excitedly.

As she left to go and take care of Andrew I took advantage to speak to Jasper about the job.

"Hey Jas, can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure darling what's up?" Jasper drawled in his southern twang.

Jasper originally grew up in South Carolina and came up to Seattle for college where he met Alice. They dated for about a year before they married. Jasper is only a year older than Alice and she is two years older then I. I loved Jasper as if he were my own brother. So I knew that any advice he could offer me at this time I would surely take into great consideration.

"Pastor Jeff offered me a very interesting position. He seems to think that because of what I have had to deal with in the last couple of months I would be perfect for a position to help new members of the church that have had to deal with some type of grief. But I know that I don't have the education background to do that kind of job. He was gracious enough to offer to pay towards any cost that I may come across for training. I am really unsure on what I should do, what do you think?"

Jasper sat quietly a moment before he began to speak, "Wow Bells I think that would be a wonderful position for you. I think that with your nurturing way of being and compassion you would be a great comfort to people when they need it most. And the fact that you have your own experience to draw from, to understand some of the pain people would be going through at the loss of someone they love will only make you that much better."

He took another minute to think before he continued. "Now as far as where you can get more information on, I would have to speak to a few of the doctors at the hospital to see if there is a short program or seminar that you can take. Otherwise the only other option that I can think of would be to take courses from a reputable higher education school. I know that schools like University of Phoenix has an online psychology program that you might qualify for. You might actually be ahead of the game with that since you already have a Bachelor's so not all the classes the new students have to take will be required. Some may not transfer over, but all in all if you can take the classes online that will save you a lot of time. We can also look in to see if The University of Seattle has any kind of program that you can get into or do online. That is where you got your degree from so credit transfer will not be an issue. I don't think that much will be needed for a grief counselor but again, I will ask around." He seemed very eager to help me out.

I gratefully thanked him for all help that he can supply me with.

"What are you thanking Jasper for?" Alice asked as she walked in with a somewhat cranky looking Andrew. "I have tried everything but he doesn't seem to want to cheer up."

"Here let me see if I have any luck with my little nephew?" Jasper asked as he reach out to Alice to get Andrew from her arms.

Andrew settled instantly as he felt Jasper's big hands holding him. I once again was hit with a small pang of sadness since it looked like what my son wanted was a mans touch and he would never know what that would be like other than being held occasionally by his uncle.

Alice once again diverted the conversation to what she walked in on. I explained to her about the job and the help that I had asked Jas about. She seemed extremely excited about the prospect of the job and insisted that I take it. I told her that I would take it into consideration before I made a final decision tomorrow. The more that I contemplated it the clearer it got to me that I really should accept the job.

Alice and Jasper hung out with Andrew and I for another hour or so before heading back home. We agreed to meet at the church the next day. I had been slowly convincing Alice to start coming to the church with us. Alice and Jasper did not necessarily live a Christian life but they didn't make the fact that I lived that type of lifestyle anything uncomfortable. Which I was very grateful for, as well as pleased that I could possibly convince her to change a few things in her life. I would never push my desire to get saved on her or anyone else and she would never shun me for enjoying it. It was more like a mutual silent agreement that we had to respect each others personal preferences.

After they had left I fed Andrew, got him ready for bed and then I went and got myself ready for bed. I took a nice long hot shower (which I had neglected to take for the last few weeks) and then I sat contemplating everything that had to do with the job for a few minutes. It really didn't take me too long to see that my best bet was to take this great opportunity.

*****JaD*****

The next day before service could start I stopped in Pastor Jeff's office to accept the job. He was very happy that I had agreed to take the job in its entirety. We agreed to sit on Monday to discuss a schedule and daycare hours for Andrew. I knew that if I was going to start working I would have to start pumping out milk for Andrew, since I will not always be available to feed him when he was hungry.

On the way home from church Alice agreed to come with me and buy a breast pump at the baby store. She also took advantage to buy Andrew a few extra items that he could keep at the church daycare. Simple things like an extra baby blanket, a couple of packs of diapers, wipes, bottles, a few extra pacifiers just in case something happened to the ones he already had, and extra outfits to change him into if need be. I had started to argue with her at first when she started to fill the cart that we had, but after she explained that it would make my life easier to just keep those things at the center, avoiding me having to pack the diaper bag each night and accidentally forgetting something, I readily agreed. She wanted to stop in at her boutique so that she could give me a few outfits as well but after I explained that Pastor Jeff had told me that I could dress in casual clothing she relented. We finally arrived home three hours after we had left the church, but I had everything I needed. I quickly took all the clothes out and set into the washer to clean it before I packed it away to take the next day. As I got the clothes ready Alice sterilized everything. By the time Alice left I had everything ready including breast milk in the fridge ready for my first day at work.

I arrived at the church at 9:00am the next morning ready to start working. I dropped off Andrew with Bekah in the daycare center along with all the things that Alice and I had bought the previous day. Bekah was extremely excited to know that Andrew was going to become a regular in the center. I informed her that I would know a better schedule for her later in the day after I had worked out those details with the Pastor.

I walked into the church office just as Jessica and Angela were sorting out the paper work that had been filled out by the visitors during the service the previous day.

"Here lady's let me put those in order, it is part of my job now I guess. Besides I'm sure you ladies have more important things to worry about then this." I took over the sorting from both of them, as they smiled back at me.

"Pastor Jeff will be in a little later than he thought. He had a last minute meeting appear this morning, but he said to get you set up with a desk and all the paper work while you wait." Angela informed me on the instructions that Pastor Jeff had apparently given her.

Angela lead me to an office toward the back of the church, I had known this space to always be used for storage so I was a bit surprised to find it empty with only a small glass top desk, a computer, a phone, fax and printer combo, and a two drawer file cabinet. I gasped a little at not seeing it full of boxes.

"Ange, what happened to all the boxes that used to be in this room?"

"Pastor Jeff had the space cleared out last week after your meeting. He insisted that you had to have your own office. Especially if you were going to be doing any studying. He said and I quote 'Bella will need a quite space to be able to concentrate'"

"But... How... What I mean is I don't need all this. A small spot would have worked just fine. I don't need my own office. I wont be doing that much anyway." I sputtered a little at the over whelming feelings.

Angela reached out to my hand, "Nonsense Bella you not only need this space but you deserve it. The job that you are taking on is one that would have required two people. You are saving the church not only money but the hassle of having to hire someone else. This office would have had to be shared by not only you but the other person as well. This way it's all yours" she said with a smirk.

"Thank you Angela really, you can never know how much I appreciate all that this church has done for me the last few weeks. I am more than blessed to have these opportunities." I acquiescent appreciatively.

Angela just scoffed and told me to get comfortable while she went to her office to get all the needed paper work. After she walked out I sent up a prayer of thanks to God and Jake.

As soon as I finished filling out the paper work Pastor Jeff arrived. We worked out that I would work out of the office on Monday and Thursday to work on call backs to the visitors, then Tuesday and Friday I would go out to see those who may need grief counseling. Wednesday would be used as a follow up day of sorts. If there was anyone that needed a call back or if I needed to return to check on someone a second time that would be the day that I would do it. I would have flexible work hours. The only thing that Pastor Jeff insisted on was that I not miss the Wednesday staff meeting that was always held in the morning.

"Bella the last minute meeting I had this morning had to do with your new job as grief counselor actually. I was able to get an appointment with the Chief of Staff at Children's Hospital and Regional Medical Center. This church is the official chaplain church for them, so when I explained to him what we had going on here with you, Dr. Thomas was more than happy to open the doors to us. You will be going in to speak to those whose requested or are in need of a little faith based counseling and support. This is a great way to get the churches name out there as well as to help people in pain."

"Wow. Thank you Pastor Jeff. I don't really know what else to say. Does the hospital not have their own counselors?"

Pastor Jeff chuckled lightly, "Of course they do Bella, but now we can go and speak to those who have a loss and have requested a little faith based guidance. Many times a chaplain will be called in to give last rights, pray with those who are really sick or baptise infants that are at risk of not living long. Either myself or Pastor Thad are the ones that go out there to help, and all I will be doing is that after we have spoken with the families if they agree, you would go and just check up on them and extend any other support they may need. Sometimes these people just need a shoulder to cry on and there isn't always people available to do that."

I was getting even more excited about the position, but also worried that I needed more education or knowledge of what I needed to do. "What does the hospital require of me to do that exactly?"

"Nothing Bella, they don't have a requirement for a lending ear. Just the fact that you are willing to be that extra support for the patients and families is all that they care about."

I breathed a sigh or relief and went on to tell Pastor Jeff what information that Jasper had offered. He was excited to know that I was going to get help with all that. We spoke a little longer before I headed back to my own office to get myself prepared to do at least a few call backs. The rest of the day passed quickly and before I knew it I was picking Andrew up from the daycare. Bekah said that he had been so good and I was happy about that.

*****JaD*****

Before I knew it, it had been almost 4 months since Jake had passed away and Andrew and I had fallen into a quick routine in the weeks that followed my working at the church. We would get up early to be at the church at 9:00, I would work until about 4:30 we would then come home eat dinner (well I would eat something before I fed Andrew) then we would get ready for bed. On some of the weekends we would either go visit Billy and dad or Alice would come over, but otherwise I would try and stay home. I did a lot of reading books on grief counseling and how to help those dealing with grief. Jasper had given me some greats places get information from as well as what classes I needed to take.

On the days that I would go out to the hospital I spent a lot of time with the children in the cancer center. I would pray with them or just hang out with them to give their parents a few minutes to just get away and breath. Many of the parents were grateful for the visits and prayers. Some would take turns coming to the church.

I had gotten very close to some of the kids. One little girl in particular would always have a picture for me. Tanya was great at drawing and she wanted to have things for me to show Andrew. Sometimes the drawings would be for Pastor Jeff or Angela. She really liked to hear about the church and of the healing powers of God. She would say that she could feel every time we prayed that she was being healed. Tanya had been diagnosed with Acute Lymphatic Leukemia, the doctors had originally given her less then an year to live. That had been almost around the same time that Jake had passed away. Knowing that they were connected even if it was just by time made me closer to her.

Tanya's parents Garrett and Kate asked me one day that if I minded staying with Tanya a little longer. It was close to the time that I had to go and pick up Andrew so I called the Daycare to see if it was ok for them to stay with him. Bekah assured me that it would be alright and I told her that if I was later than the time the daycare was open until I would make sure to send Alice in to pick him up for me. I had extra milk stored at the house so Alice would have to either pass by our house before heading home or just staying there. I wanted to make a back up plan just in case I was stuck here later than planned. Once I had gotten everything squared away I let Kate and Garrett leave. Tanya and I hung out we watched some strange cartoons that were out there now, I was a bit worried about the quality of cartoons that would be available for when Andrew was old enough to want to watch them. About two hours later Garrett and Kate walked back in with Kate leaning into Garrett looking like if she had been crying. Tanya had fallen asleep a few minutes before so I approached them to see if everything was ok.

"Kate are you ok? What happened? Did you have to talk to the doctors, did they say something about Tanya? Is she getting worse?" I rushed to ask feeling every worried that something was wrong with Tanya.

"No... everything with Tanya is fine, she is still the same. We just came from the other side of the building with Kate's cousin Emmett and his wife Rosalie, who was admitted a few hours ago. She was pregnant, almost 32 weeks, she... she... lost the baby." Garrett managed to say just before his wife broke down in another fit of crying.

I gasped in surprise and sadness, as a mother to an infant I could not imagine what it would be like to lose my child before I even got to hold him. "Oh Kate I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

It took a couple of minutes for Kate to compose herself again before she answered my question. "They could use lots of prayers right now. Would you mind going over there and just giving them a little comfort the way you do for all of us? Maybe help them pray help them ask the Lord for solace and strength right now?"

"Of course. I would be more than happy to help. I will just let Alice know that I will be home late so that she can put Andrew to bed. I will also call in Pastor Jeff to come pray over the baby. What room can I find them in?"

"Oh thank you Bella, I can't tell you how much we appreciate all this. We left them all in the maternity floor, but I know that they said they would soon be moving her. So you may have to ask for her, her name is Rosalie Cullen." Kate and Garrett both gave me a hug goodbye before I headed out to the maternity floor.

*****JaD*** **

**A/N: **This chapter is dedicated to Jonathan and his mom Noemi. Jonathan lost his battle with Leukemia a few years ago and the strength that I have seen from his mom has been nothing short inspirational. I am not part of anything that has been done by the fandom but even if there is nothing for you to gain, making a donation to Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation or any Leukemia Lymphoma Society is always helpful. Remember the more money that is raised for research can help to prevent more families of going through the pain of loss.

Once again the muse got away with me and I had to split the chapter up. Chapter 5 will hopefully be ready before I leave on my trip this week. Huge family reunion for my grandmothers 80th birthday. If not I will work on it for sure while I am between flights, so the wait should not be that long.

I promise that we will meet Edward next chapter as well as him meeting Bella.

Recs for this week:

**The Wedding Party by: spanglemaker9** - The perfect person appears at the worst possible moment, and one unforgettable encounter changes everything. AH. This story had me so hooked this week that I didn't read any of my updates.

**Breaking News by: WriteonTime **- Two network news anchors. One desk. In a race to get the story, love might become the headline - if they don't kill each other first. AU/AH Canon Couples, smart people, particle physics, and tap dancing.

**Sensual Memories in 1920 by: Jokasta **- Edward and Bella are forced to get married by their own families. But what happens when they get to know each other? Is it possible for both of them to find true love?


	5. Chapter 5 Angel

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight that honor goes to Stephanie Meyer. I only own an imagination and the emotions that have gone into this story.

Thank You to all that have alerted/ fav'd. I hope more of you tell me what you think of this little story. The emails advising me what you all think and how you like my story put a huge smile on my face and motivate the muse to inspire more of the story out of me. Remember anyone who reviews will get a small teaser of the next chapter.

Tissue warning may be needed for this chapter. It was a bit hard for me to write but then again I know all the feelings behind this.

Mugglemom was only able to pre-read part of the story since I wanted to post it before the holiday. So all errors are mine and mine alone, and I have to thank her for all her help.

Title and Song for this chapter is **Angel** by: **Stabbing Westward**

*****JaD*****

**Chapter 5- Angel**

**Edward POV**

How could this happen. It is not fair, she was just an innocent little baby. She did not deserve not being in this world. Rosalie and Emmett should not be going through this kind of pain. It was just not fair they had to go through so much already just to be able to get pregnant in the first place. Now to lose her like that.

When Emmett called me this morning frantic because of the pain that Rose was in, we all just assumed she had gone into preterm labor. We were worried but knew that Children's hospital had the best NICU in the state so she would be fine. We never imagined that what was really going on would take her from us forever.

When the doctors told us that Noemi was gone I don't know how I managed to hold up Emmett before he collapsed onto the floor. Emmett is a big guy at 6'4" and almost 300lbs of pure muscle it was not easy. It was also a little disconcerting to see such a strong guy be brought down by those three simple words 'I'm so sorry'. The doctors explained that what Rosalie had experienced was called a Placenta Abruption. They explained that is when the placenta separates itself from the uterus and there is a very small window to get the baby out before it dies from oxygen deprivation. Even though Emmett rushed Rosalie into the hospital as soon as the pain started it was to late.

I sat in that hospital waiting room while they took Rose into a private room after she came out of surgery just remembering the conversation that brought us here in the first place.

"_Hey Ed, bro Rose and I want to ask you for a huge favor." Emmett began apprehensively after dinner. Rose and Emmett had invited me out to have dinner and to discuss some 'serious things' as Emmett had put it._

"_What's up guys? What's going on? You sounded so serious on the phone when you invited me out tonight."_

"_Well what we need is kind of a delicate thing," Rose said gently._

"_Ok now your making me nervous Rose. Are you ok, Em is there something serious that I need to worry about?"_

_Emmett chuckled nervously, "Naw bro, it's just... Um... You know how Rose and I have been trying to have a baby?"_

"_Dude! Em congrats I'm so happy for you"_

"_No. Ed... Rose and I aren't pregnant yet. That's kind of what we need to discuss with you. See the thing is... we went to a doctor to see why we were having so much trouble and well... he said that I was the problem." Emmett said shyly._

"_Em what do you mean your the problem?" I couldn't understand why my brother couldn't conceive._

"_Well we don't know the cause just yet, but apparently my little swimmers aren't enough to make a baby." My brother looked down shamefully. I knew as a man being told that you couldn't produce children had to be devastating._

"_Ok well what does that all have to do with tonight then?" I was getting more and more confused on why they would invite me out to dinner with them._

"_Well... Um... Emmett and I were wondering if you minded being the father of our child." Rose, who was normally very cool and calm, said nervously not even looking at me._

_I sputtered for a minute and choked on the sip of beer that I had just taken. How did they think this was going to happen? I really hoped that they were planning on just using my sperm in some type of IVF or something. I really really hoped they weren't planning on asking me to sleep with Rose, because as much as I loved them that was something I really couldn't do._

_Apparently my face showed the horror of what I might be thinking because Emmett spoke up quickly. "We made an appointment at a sperm bank for you to make a 'deposit' of your little swimmers for Tuesday of next week."_

"_Please Edward we really want this baby to have Cullen DNA and have a chance to look like the family. We can always use a strangers sperm, but were hoping you would accept." Rose extended her hand out to place on top of mine as she pleaded._

I couldn't deny my big brother anything, so I readily agreed. Dinner after that was a lot smoother. And soon I headed back home. The following week I went and made my deposit for Emmett and Rose. And almost nine months later we were here in this hospital morning the loss of my little niece. To say I was angry and heart broken was an understatement.

Just as I was getting ready to go up to the nurses station to see what was taking so long a very pretty brunette walked up to the station as well.

"Excuse me. I'm trying to find Rosalie Cullen's room" she said in the most sweet voice I had ever heard.

"Do you know Rose?" I asked her, because I was pretty sure I knew all of Rose's friends and I would have remembered this one if I had ever met her.

"No, someone I know told me that she could really use someone to talk to right now. Do you know her?" She asked as she looked up to me. Her chocolate brown eyes took my breath away. They were so full of compassion and soul.

"She is my sister-in-law. They haven't come out to tell us if she is out of recovery yet or where she might be. I was just coming up to ask." I said looking at her then at the nurse at the desk.

The nurse looked up and informed us, "She has just been moved into her private room, but at this time we are giving her and her husband a few minutes alone. In our experience many times the moms still need some time to process the loss. We want to be able to let it all sink in for her before she is bombarded with too many people."

I looked at the nurse like she had two heads. What did she mean that Emmett had to be in that room alone with Rose. He needed me, she needed me. This was not right I should be in that room with both of them. Noemi was my daughter too after all. Don't get me wrong I would never reveal that to anyone. I would have treated her like a niece and never as my daughter, but now that she was not here with us, it hurt as much as it would if she would have known me as her father.

"I need to be in there with my brother, he should not have to handle all this alone!" I emphatically stated to the nurse.

"Mr. Cullen I'm sorry but I can't let you go in there right now. She needs a moment. We will be bringing in the baby into the room in a couple more minutes so that they could say goodbye to her." The nurses face softened as she told me they were bringing in Noemi.

"What about us? We want to be able to say goodbye to her too. She was everything to us."

The pretty brunette then spoke up, "If I may Mr. Cullen, I know that this is a hard time for you and your family. I would be more than happy to sit with you and your family until you can go in and see them."

"Who the hell are you any way?" I didn't really mean to be rude to the woman that had just moments before taken my breath away but I didn't understand what she had to do with anything.

Taking a step away from me she said in a very small voice. "My name is Bella, and your cousin Kate thought you could use some prayers. I work for this hospitals chaplain church Living Abundantly. I work with the families here to offer prayers and support where I can. I was in with Tanya when Kate asked me to just sit and pray with your brother and his wife."

I was suddenly seeing red, she came here at the time my family needed to be together to preach and pray to the same thing that took my little girl from us? How dare she and what made Kate think that we would want this. Especially at a time like this. "Well you can leave we don't need you or your stupid faith here at this moment. Your damned God can't give me back my little girl."

She looked a little taken back by what I had just said and I couldn't figure it out until I heard the gasp that sounded behind me. I turned to see my mother looking at me like I was the devil incarnate.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, where do you get talking to someone like that. And telling them such lies. I know you loved Noemi like a daughter but she was not yours she was your brothers little girl. If anyone here has the right to be angry it is him not you." My mother was trying very hard to keep a hold of her anger and I knew that look very well. I had really upset her more than she already was.

I took a moment to excuse myself and then walked into the hall on my way out to get some fresh air. I was really upset and I had just spilled something that only Emmett, Rose and I knew about. No one in my family knew of Rosalie and Emmett's inability to conceive Noemi on there own and using my sperm.

As soon as I got to the balcony that was on the second floor of the hospital I took a long deep breath. I pulled at my hair to try and calm myself. I needed to gain control of all my messed up emotions before I went back in to see my brother and Rose. They both needed me to be strong now and not break down. I could wait to do that once I was in the solitude of my own apartment.

*****JaD*****

When I walked back into the maternity ward the nurse from earlier informed me what room I could find Rose and Emmett in. Once I walked in there I once again saw the beautiful brunette Bella I think she said her name was. She was sitting next to Rose holding her hand and whispering something into her ear. Rose still had a drugged out face so I was not to sure if anything was registering with her.

Emmett came over to where I was standing next to the door staring at the scene in front of me.

"Hey Ed, Where were you man?"

"Hey Em how you holding up bro? I'm sorry I went out to get some fresh air. This hospital was starting to get to me and they wouldn't let us in to see you and Rose until after she had been told about everything."

"I don't know how I feel right now dude. I want to just close my eyes and wake up again with my little girl in my arms alive, but I have to stay strong for Rose right now. This Bella chick that Kate sent over has helped her a little she has been sitting next to her just praying with her and giving her words of encouragement. I don't know what it will be like once we get home or once the meds really wear off. I'm scared Ed. Like really scared, I'm afraid that Rose won't recover from this. It was so hard for us to even get pregnant, well you know all about that... I just think that we wont ever get to have children now."

I held onto my brother as I saw the look of pain on his face. I knew he was hurting as much as Rosalie was but was trying to stay strong for her at the same time. I made up my mind that I would make sure to take him out later and just let him break down like I knew he needed to. It would have to wait until they had given Rosalie something to sleep with because I knew he would not leave her unless she was knocked out.

A couple of minutes later my father walks into the room with another man looking close to his age. "Hello everyone, this is Pastor Jeff from Living Abundantly church. He is here to... Well I will just let him explain what he is here for."

I noticed that Bella had stopped talking to Rose the minute she realized that my dad had walked in and went straight to stand next to the gentleman who had walked in with my dad.

"Hello everyone, my name again is Pastor Jeff Greene and I am with Living Abundantly Church. Bella here called me as soon as she heard about your loss and I am here to offer you all our services. I would like to say a prayer over the baby so that her soul can be sent up to our heavenly father already blessed. Is that alright with you?" he said looking directly at Rose and Emmett who had gone back to sit next to his wife.

Rose just nodded her head and asked my brother something with her eyes. Emmett got up quickly and grabbed the little bundle that was my niece out of the bassinet that was sitting to my left. He gently placed her into her mothers arms. Then he came back over and grabbed my hand. "Edward you are as important to this little girls life as Rose and I are, can you please join us to pray for her soul."

All I could do was nod my head solemnly I would do anything for them even if it meant going against what I felt was the right thing. Which at this moment was to walk out of the room. I didn't want to really participate with something that in my heart at the moment felt hypocritial. I didn't believe in God at this moment and I don't think I could ever believe in him again. He took something precious from my brother and his wife and the rest of my family.

The pastor placed his hands over little Noemi's head and began to pray. He asked God to take her little innocent soul and save it from harm. He asked God to accept her into his arms, and to keep her safe until her family could be with her again. He also said a few other prayers then looked over at Bella.

"Lord with the permission of this wonderful little angels family we ask that you allow Jake to keep watch over her. Help this little girl be the representation of his son that he will never get to see grow. Help him as well as this little girl bond as they wait for their loved ones to come and join them. You have brought Bella to be here with this family for a reason and I believe it is to help both this angels family and Bella heal from such a strong loss in their lives. I know you want to help both of them become stronger by holding on to each other." With those words and a final prayer the pastor ended his prayer over Noemi. He extended his had out to Bella who I had just noticed was sobbing silently. She went to him right away and hugged the pastor tightly.

Once she was able to get control of herself Bella said,"I'm sorry, Pastor Jeff shouldn't have really asked that Jake watch over your little girl." Bella looked at Rose and Emmett apologetically. Piquing my curiosity on who this Jake person was and what he had to do with Bella. I didn't have to wait long for the answer.

"Bella is right, I shouldn't have asked that without your ok first, but it just felt right at the moment. We are great believers in our church that nothing happens by chance but by divine appointment and there was a reason why Bella was the one to be first to respond to everything that happened here today. With Bella's permission I would like to tell you all a little bit about her and how she ended up being in the position that she is right now." He looked over to see Bella give him a minute nod, before continuing. "Bella's husband was hit by a drunk driver about 6 months ago, on his way to the hospital for the birth of their son Andrew. After a month of being on life support the doctors determined that there was no chance of recovery and pulled the plug on him. So with a one month old child Bella found herself a widow at the young age of 23. But instead of wallowing in her pain Bella rose above it and agreed to become a grief consultant for our church. She has had the strength to help others while still dealing with her own pain. I am honored to call her a member of my congregation, so in asking the Lord to protect over your little angel I also am giving Jacob a chance to care for a small child like his own little boy that will never get to meet his father."

I was in awe of the woman that stood there next to my brother holding Rosalie's hand and again whispering things in her ear. She was an extremely strong person to be able to deal with everything and still be able to put her pain aside to help others. Now I really felt like an ass for the way that I had treated her earlier. My mother had tears in her eyes, which at the moment were stabbing me with daggers. I knew my mother was silently reprimanding me for the way I behaved earlier as well. I looked away from both of them feeling completely scolded.

We spend another couple of hours with Rosalie and Noemi before they had to take Noemi down to the morgue. We all gave her one final kiss as the nurse wheeled her way. Pastor Jeff excused himself for the evening inviting Bella to walk him out. Bella excused herself as well and walked out of the hospital room.

"Edward Anthony you better be planning on a way to make it up to that girl for everything you said to her earlier," My mother stated the second that the door closed behind Bella and Pastor Jeff.

"Ed bro what did you say to her that has mom in such an uproar?"

"Nothing really, I was just upset earlier and said somethings that I shouldn't have that's all." I really didn't want to divulge to my bother what I had really said to her.

"Excuse me I think I need to thoroughly apologize to her." I said as I walked out of the room looking to get out of the room before Emmett asked anything else or my mom told him what she walked in on me saying. I really needed to take back what I had said earlier. She knew what the pain of loss was and the loss of someone that she expected to spend the rest of her life with at that.

I walked down the hall trying to figure out what I was going to say to her when I heard her speaking to someone. On closer inspection I realized it was Pastor Jeff.

"Yes, Pastor Jeff I will be in the office tomorrow but only long enough for the staff meeting then I want to come back here and just be here for Rose until I need to leave and pick up Andrew." She was saying.

"Who is little Andrew with now?" The pastor asked her.

"Jasper picked him up from the center a little while ago. He was taking him home..."

I walked away before I could listen to anything else. I began to have this irrational feeling of jealousy inside of me. I couldn't understand it. I didn't really even know this woman, but at the same time I could not figure out how she could already be in a relationship if she just lost her husband. Did she not love him enough to still be morning him? or was I just jumping to conclusions again?

I decided that I needed to go outside for some fresh air again. I was out on the balcony for about 15 minutes before I went back to Rose's room. I had not seen Bella on my way back so I just assumed she was in there.

"Where is Bella?" I asked as soon as I walked in and didn't see her.

"She left son. She said that she needed to get home to her little boy," my dad explained.

"Oh, I hadn't seen her when I went out looking for her. I wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier."

"You didn't apologize yet Edward? My mom looked at me with disappointment in her eyes.

"I wanted to mom, I just didn't see her." I did not want to tell them that I really had seen her but she was talking to the pastor and I eaves dropped hearing something that had upset me.

A plan started to form in my head of what I can do to make it up to her. With the plan in place I excused myself for the evening. I needed to get home so I could get up early enough to make sure my plan was set before she got to work. At least I knew where she worked and knew she would be there tomorrow.

*****JaD*****

**A/N:** In memory of my families two Angels. Sebastian born sleeping 2-23-04 and Valerie born sleeping 10-06-08. I could only tell the story from the perspective of an aunt. So I hope that I did not offend anyone who has had to suffer this loss. I did take a little creative liberty with how things work in the hospital, I also used a little of what we experienced when my family had their losses.

I'm so sorry for the delay in this chapter as I did not have inter-net access when I was in Colombia during the family reunion. My aunt had turned it off, and since I use Google Docs to write my stories up on, it was a bit of a problem.

Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates the birth of Christ. And if I do not get a chance to update before the New Year, I wish you all a safe and happy 2011.

Recs of the week

**Twilight Reflected in Brown Eyes** by: **mcgt** - Bella Swan is in for the shock of her life when Edward Cullen comes back into her life 7 years after graduation. Can the scars from her past be healed by the reclusive musician or will she shut him out like everyone else since the accident 4 years ago

**Bella Swan: Kidnapper** by: **Kambria Rain** - Um. Hi. I don't really know how to say this, but I have your kids with me, and I was thinking maybe you would like them back. So yeah… call me

**The Price of a Broken Heart** by: **MrsEdwardCullenP** - 12 years without a word. It took so little for her to leave me. And now... of all the hospital rooms in the whole country, why did she have to walk into mine? "Get the f- out of here," I spat. AH, Canon pairings. M for lang and maybe sex. R&R


	6. Chapter 6 Tear drops on my Guitar

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight that honor goes to Stephanie Meyer. I only own an imagination and the emotions that have gone into this story.

Thank You to all that have alerted/ fav'd. I hope more of you tell me what you think of this little story. Remember anyone who reviews will get a small teaser of the next chapter. It may take me a little while to respond to the reviews with the teasers but I do send them. I want to give an extra special Thank you to Twisted Musalih who always finds a way to review each chapter.

I had a few reviews mention the heart fail of this story, I just want to address that it is necessary to establish the way that even through heartache there is hope. And without trying to make my story overly religious it is supposed to show how God helps us when we need the most help.

Someone over at The Writers Coffee Shop made some very big observations on where I have planned for this story to go, and without giving away any future plot ideas, all will work out for everyone just the way they should.

Also many of you were so upset with Edward for acting the way he did, but if we think cannon way he was a real jerk when he first met Bella in Twilight *wink*.

Song for the title of this chapter is **Tear Drops on my Guitar** by: **Taylor Swift.**

*****JaD*****

**Chapter 6 - Tear Drops on my Guitar**

**BPOV**

I had just walked into the office to find Jessica and Angela staring at a huge bouquet of flowers. They were the most beautiful purple and white Hyacinths along with some white Narcissus I had ever seen.

"Those are beautiful. Whose are they?"

Jessica and Angela looked at each other and then at me with wide grins on their faces, before Angela spoke "They just came for you actually"

"For me?" I asked surprised. "Who would send me flowers?"

"Apparently someone by the name of Edward Cullen." Jessica said passing me the card.

It took me a minute to realize who Edward Cullen was, then I remembered he was the brother-in-law of the woman who I was with last night. I wondered why he would send me flowers, until I read the card.

On the top of the card were the meanings to what each of the flowers were. The purple Hyacinths meant 'I'm Sorry' the white Hyacinths meant 'loveliness' and the white Narcissus meant 'stay as sweet as you are'. I then read what the card below the meaning that said.

_**Bella, **_

_**Please forgive me for acting the way that I did last night. It was completely inappropriate of me to make such assumptions. I was hurting for my family and should have never taken it out on you. I hope that my behavior does not deter you from helping them. **_

_**With sincerest regrets,**_

_**Edward Cullen.**_

I re-read the card a couple of times before I realized I had a small smile on my face. Jessica and Angela were very aware of it though.

"And what has this Edward Cullen done that has put such a smile on your face?" Jessica asked with some implication in her voice.

"More importantly what were his actions last night that he is asking for your forgiveness?" Angela joined in on with a teasing tone.

I knew they both knew I was still in morning and would not do anything. They both understood that the only man in my life now and possibly ever again was Andrew.

I turned a shade of red and sputtered a bit for the answer, "I... I... Um... He... He just... He said something... Not knowing about me."

"Hey are you ok? What did he say?" Angela asked with genuine concern in her voice. I guess something in my face or my tone implicated that something had been said last night that would have really impacted me.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I was helping someone who lost their baby yesterday and her brother-in-law kind of went off on me because of my beliefs not really knowing my history.

"Ugh, some people are just so rude." Jessica said in a somewhat discussed voice.

I shook my head lightly in both agreement and disagreement. Yes he had been very rude and nasty but as soon as he found out my history and his mother had chastised him he was very quick in changing his attitude towards me. "It's just the way some people deal with the stress of loss. I don't take anything really personally. He was hurting for his families loss and I can't blame him for going through one of those stages of loss which is the strongest Anger. It is obvious now that he has had some time to absorb everything he feels bad for the way that he acted."

"Well the fact that he was looking at you like you were a piece of meat to eat didn't go well for me." We heard Pastor Jeff's voice say from behind us, making us all jump in fright. "Good morning lady's are we almost ready for the meeting?" he asked as he walked passed us.

We all got ready to go into our perspective offices. I took my flowers with me and gathered my things for the meeting. I wanted to get through the meeting quickly so that I could head back to the hospital. I wanted to check up on Rosalie Cullen. I had told her before I left last night that I would be back as early as I could this morning to pray and console her. I thought back to all that we had talked about last night. She had told me how much she wanted that little baby, all the things she had to go through to have her. How the doctors were not sure what caused the problems in her husband to not allow him to produce viable sperm, how they had to get a donor. About the conversation they had with her brother-in-law and how wonderful he had been in agreeing to help them. How painful the shots she had to give herself to ensure that the implantation would take place. She told me about how everyone was in the dark of everything how it was only Edward Emmett and herself that knew the truth of Noemi's paternity. How her marriage had suffered at first because of everything. How Emmett had taken a big hit to his ego that he was not able to father his own child. She cried because of the fear she had that her marriage would not survive the loss of a child. I whispered to her that maybe this baby was not meant to be in their lives because it was a constant reminder for Emmett of his in ability to conceive his own child and that because of this loss her marriage may even be stronger. I told her that if she prayed all the desires of her heart would be granted and that nothing is impossible for God. I told her to just remember that she can not accept the negative that they try and tell her and only believe in the positive.

I was brought out of my thoughts and memories by Angela as she knocked on my door. "Hey Bella we are just about ready to begin, you coming?"

"Yeah Ang, I was just thinking of that poor mom I was with last night. I don't know if I would have been able to go on like this if I had lost Andrew as well as Jake. I don't know if I would have wanted to survived it all like I have been if I had lost them both."

"But you didn't lose them both. You have your little man to keep you strong, just the way the Lord knew you would need it. Remember God never gives us more than what we can handle. He knows what we can and can not handle and he wouldn't have given it to you if he didn't already know how you were going to handle everything."

"Your right, thanks" I said with a grateful hug and smile to Angela, she always knew what to say and when to say it that is for sure.

She chuckled lightly before saying "Come on, lets get this meeting over with." effectively putting the sadness of the conversation behind us.

*****JaD*****

The meeting took a little longer than it usually does but I think that was because with the summer months approaching the church was going to be busier than ever. Not only had it been booked for something like 8 weddings in the next 3 months, but the children's ministry had a few activities planned as well as the ladies group having a number of outreach things planned. So basically the church was booked for every Saturday for the three coming months with a couple of Friday nights being used also.

Pastor Jeff explained that things might slow down with visitors slightly since most people went on vacation during that time, but with the outreach activities in place things wont be that slow. We agreed to drop one day a week for visitor follow ups and make that a hospital visit day. I had no problems with that since I enjoyed spending time at the hospital. The more people I could help in the hospital and pray with the happier I became.

As soon as the meeting was over I excused myself to head back over to the hospital. I was getting very anxious to check up on how Rosalie was doing today. I was running later than what I had told her I would be and I was getting worried that she would fall into a destructive frame of mind.

"GET OUT OF HERE!" were the first words that I heard as I came close to Rosalie's room. They had moved her from the maternity floor to a post-surgery room over night. It made sense to put her somewhere that she wouldn't have the constant reminders of what she had lost.

I saw Emmett backing out of the door just as I reached it, with his hands up in surrender. "Rosie, please baby I was just trying to help."

"I don't want any of your fucking help. I don't want any fucking thing other than my daughter, and you can't fucking bring her back to me so get the fuck out of my room." Rose continued to yell at a poor confused looking Emmett.

"Hey Emmett" I said quietly behind him.

"Oh hey Bella, I don't think it's such a good idea to go in there right now. She is in a really bad and angry mood today, she already sent the nurse away with tears. And I was just trying to help her get up out of the bed since the doctor told us that she needs to use the bathroom before he will let her go home tomorrow. The nurse from this morning said that walking around a little would help her with that, but when I tried to help her she just went off on me."

"It's ok Emmett, its all part of the grieving process. The anger stage is the hardest one for the family to deal with because they don't want to set the person off, so they don't really know what to do. When I lost my husband I broke everything I could get my hands on that was not directly linked to him. We have to just let her go through it. The upside to all of this is that she is actually going through the grieving process. She is going through them faster than I thought she would. She has gotten past the denial and has accepted that your little girl is no longer with you. Tell you what why don't you go for a little bit. Maybe go home take a shower, a nap, sometime to yourself to just grieve also and I will stay here with her. I will calm her down and pray with her for a little while. I promise you that will help."

"I don't know Bella are you sure?"

"Yes Emmett go. Rosalie needs someone who has already dealt with these stages right now." I gave him a re-assuring hug and sent him on his way.

I walked into to the room to find a very distraught Rosalie sobbing uncontrollably into her hands. I made my way quickly to her side and hugged her to me. She continued to cry and let go for quite a while before she started to calm.

"Why me? why do I have to go through this pain. It just hurts so much. It hurts, I don't know if I can survive through all this pain." She whimpered once she was able to calm down a little bit.

"I know it hurts Rosalie I know that you feel like you can't go on, but you will. You have a wonderful husband that needs you to go on. With the Lords help anything is possible..." I was cut off by her scuff.

"Yeah right the Lord. He's the one who took my little girl from me, its his fault that I am hurting right now."

"The Lord does not take children from their parents, the Lord gives us strength to deal with the loss after it has happened." She gave me an incredulous look. "No listen I know what you are feeling right now, when I lost my husband I blamed the Lord too, I thought he took my husband from me before his time. It took a self reflection to see that the Lord was the one that was giving me the strength to get up, it took a dream of my husband to remind me that I had to live my life for my son. I know that my Jake is up there with my heavenly father watching over Andrew and I. I know that because of the lord and the way he works Jake left Andrew and I set up so that we would not have a need or a want for years to come. Now come on lets get up take a walk around and get you strong so that you can go home tomorrow and spend time alone with your husband." Rosalie gave me a look of disdain but got up anyway.

We walked around the hospital for about an hour talking about anything and everything that could have been on Rosalie's mind. We went at a slow pace since Rosalie was still extremely sore from her c-section. When we passed the nurses station on the way back the nurse sitting at the desk glanced up and quickly dropped her face again in what looked like to be fear. I looked at Rosalie to see she also had a sad look on her face. Before I could question her on what was going on she steered us toward the desk.

Rosalie address the nurse in a soft voice, "Excuse me Lauren."

The nurse looked up tentatively before asking, "Is there anything you might need Mrs. Cullen, anything I can help you with?"

"Um... Yeah I just wanted to apologize for my behavior with you this morning. As my good friend here has explained I am still going through somethings and I unnecessarily took it out on you. So I'm sorry it was uncalled for."

"That's ok Mrs. Cullen, don't worry about it. If there is anything you might need please just let me know. How are you feeling physically?" Lauren responded looking a bit more comfortable now that Rosalie had apologized.

"I'm felling better you were right the walk has helped thank you. I need some help with something though, would you mind?"

"Not at all Mrs. Cullen what can I help you with?"

"Well the walk also accomplished to do something else. Lets just say it accomplished to work something that I don't really want my friend here to help me with." Rosalie said shyly. It took me only a couple of minutes to figure out what she was talking about. Lauren must have caught on at about the same time because she jumped up and informed us she will meet us in the room in a couple of minutes. Rosalie walked into the hospital room with Lauren walking in right behind us.

Rosalie and Lauren walked in to the bathroom and I took the moment to go get some coffee. As I was walking back to Rosalie's room I ran into someone accidentally. Before I could fall on my butt a pair of very strong arms grabbed me around the waist.

I started to apologize for knocking into the person before I had even looked up. "I'm so sorry I was not looking where I was going."

"No please forgive me," said the smooth velvety voice. I recognized it as Edwards immediately. That was the one thing I remember the most they way his voice sounded.

"Edward how are you?" I asked as soon as I stepped out of his arms. "Thank you for the flowers by the way they were quite beautiful.

"Not as beautiful as you" he said under his breath. I don't think I was meant to hear. "No problem I was just trying to find a way to make amends for the way that I acted yesterday." He said in a much louder obviously for me voice.

"I understand I you were going through a lot emotionally. Well your whole family was dealing with a lot."

"Um... I hope that they don't cause you any problems with your boyfriend." Edward said shyly. I was confused where would he get the thought that I had a boyfriend.

"I don't have a boyfriend. I am still quite in love and morning my late husband. Where would get that idea."

Edward turned a couple of shades of red that I thought only I was able to do. "Open mouth insert foot asshole" He said once again muttering to himself.

"I accidentally over heard you speaking with Pastor Jeff yesterday about your son. When you said some guys name I just assumed he was your boyfriend. I'm sorry"

"Well apparently you didn't overhear the whole conversation because if you had you would have heard that my sister Alice ended up stuck at work and asked her husband to pick up Andrew from the daycare and wait for us at my house. You do know what happens when you assume, don't you." I said the last part in a teasing voice.

He sheepishly replied, "Yeah I know and I seem to be doing a lot of that with you huh?"

"It's ok I see you suffer from foot in mouth disease and since we are in a hospital why don't we see if you can get a cure for it." I dead panned. Edward busted up laughing, just as Emmett walked up behind him.

"Hey Bella! Thanks for earlier, I didn't realize how much I needed the break. Again I don't know how to thank you."

"No worried Emmett, Rosalie and I had a nice talk and I even got her to get up and walk around for about an hour. I just left her with Lauren her nurse they were using the restroom." Emmett was looking at me like I had three heads.

"You got her to do what? Oh my God you are my new hero." he said as he enveloped in a tight hug that was almost cutting off my ability to breath.

I laughed as Emmett put me down. "Please call me Em and you can call Rosie, Rose. I'm the only person she allows to call her Rosie."

"Speaking of which Rose should be done about now in the bathroom. I will let you head in there and talk with her for a little while. I want to go check on Tanya since I am here." I said as I headed in the direction of the children's cancer wing.

"Ok. but don't leave without saying good bye." Em called over his as he walked towards his wife's room.

I had not realized that Edward was following behind me until I heard his scream "Hey wait up. I will go with you. It has been a little while since I have seen Tanya and I also wanted to talk to Kate."

*****JaD*****

We walked in comfortable silence for a little while, each lost in our own thoughts until we walked into Tanya's room.

To say that I was shocked at what I saw would have been an understatement. It had been only a day since I had been in there to see her but her room had been completely transformed. Where there had been toys and artwork she had drawn all over the walls before were now bare. All that was left in the room were a couple of stuffed animals and Tanya's favorite easel.

"Kate what's going on? Where is Tanya?" I asked as soon as I finished walking into the room.

"Oh Bella it's a miracle." Kate cried into my shoulder as I hugged her.

Edward had been quiet the whole time we had been in the room until that moment. "What's going on Kit Kat?"

"Oh Edward I didn't even see you there. Its so amazing I..." Kate broke down into tears unable to finish telling us what was going on.

Just then Garrett walks in with Tanya in a wheel chair. "Miss Bella, Miss Bella, did you hear? Did you hear?" Tanya said with so much excitement in her voice.

"What no love for your cousin Edward?" Edward mock pouted to Tanya.

"Oh Hey Eddie." She said some what excited. It was visible that she was more excited in something else and not the two of us visiting her.

"Ok so Kate what is going on what has you guys all riled up?" I was so curious of what was going on. What could be going on that had them all so happy.

"Miss Bella, I'm going home!" Tanya's excitement was palpable. "You were so right about the power of prayer. I prayed every night to be better, that my illness would go away and look. I'm going home"

"Tanya that is wonderful. I am so happy for you honey." I said as I gave her a great big hug. "See I told you anything is possible with God."

I looked over to see Edward hugging Kate and a big smile on his handsome face. (Handsome? Do I really think that? I mean he isn't bad looking but do I really think of his as handsome?)

"Bella?" I heard someone say while my mind of contemplating what was going on with my thoughts.

"Miss BELLA?" I finally heard Tanya calling me.

"Huh?"

"Where did you go and why are you staring at Eddie that way?"

*****JaD*****

**AN**:I hope everyone has a very Happy 2011. Sorry for the delay in this chapter but the muse decided to go on vacation. Truth is that the hubby had this week off and with him around I don't really get a chance write.

Please forgive any and all mistakes I did not have anyone pre-read it this week. I was too anxious to get it out to you all

There were a few stories this week that had me just wrapped up so these are my recs of the week.

**Darkness and Light by**: **kitkat681** - Edward Cullen is a brilliant man who only has one thing missing from his life... his sight. What can insecure, unloved Bella Swan help him find? Canon pairings AH.

**The List** by: **Jayeliwood** - Bella is 30 but where has her life really taken her?She's got a job,but no real lover,no kids, lost & alone on her 30th bday she writes a list of things she's never done before but has always wanted life really begins at 30?

**With all My Heart also **by: **Jayeliwood** - Bella's just beginning college when she goes out with her roommate for the first time. She didn't want to go and then she sees him. How will her life change at his touch? For FGB auction winner Nollie Marie! A full story!


	7. Chapter 7 The Blowers Daughter

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight that honor goes to Stephanie Meyer. I only own an imagination and the emotions that have gone into this story.

Many special Thank you's to all of you that review/ fav/ and Alert my little story here. As always remember if you review I will send out a small teaser for the next chapter as soon as I have it available.

Someone mentioned in the last chapter that the story was a little "preachy"; I am trying to avoid that. I am not here to preach to anyone (not even close to being qualified to do that). But I am trying to establish that things are possible with faith. This chapter will prove that not all the chapters are going to have faith or God mentioned in them, but some definitely will. Remember this is characterized as a spiritual story (FFn)

We will also begin to earn our M rating in this chapter. Even though this story will not be explicit in any way shape or form, Edward does still have a dirty mind. So if that is really not your thing please be aware of the clue words of him thinking something inappropriate.

This chapter is not pre-read so any and all errors are mine and mine alone. Also this is my longest chapter as of yet. Edward just didn't seem to be able to shut up...lol

Ok enough for now important AN at the end. Title for this chapter comes from **The Blowers Daughter** by: **Damien Rice** (Thanks Sugar for the song) Enjoy.

**Chapter 7 - The Blowers Daughter**

**EPOV**

It had been a couple of months since Noemi's passing and Tanya had gone home. Emmett and I had called our client to let them know that we would not be able to work on the video game that we were developing for them because of what had been happening. They were very understanding and had even offered to give us as much extra time as we needed. I was very surprised that they had offered up such a generous offer until one of the lowly secretaries Maria explained that the owner of the company had also lost an infant child to some complications after birth. Making them understanding of how difficult it was for the family to recover from something like that. I had insisted to Emmett that he stay home with Rosalie for as long as she needed him there. I promised that I would work a little on the projects that we had going on. It was actually a very welcomed distraction especially since all I could think about lately was the beautiful Bella Black. Ever since that day in Tanya's hospital room I could not get her out of my head. I chucked to myself as I remembered that day, I had never seen someone turn so many shades of red in only a couple of minutes then I did that day.

_I was talking to Kate about what was going on with Emmett and Rosalie, filling her in on what had happened after Kate had returned to Tanya's room. I had told her about my blow up at Bella (not every detail but the gist of it) I had also told her about the pastor coming and praying over little Noemi. I also asked her what possessed her to think that the family would have wanted that. Her answer had surprised me greatly._

"_Edward look over to that little girl sitting in that wheel chair. When we first came here the doctors told us she would never leave here alive, and now look at us, she is going home. The doctors said they have never seen such a fight in a body like they were seeing in hers. They have actually said that the diagnosis for her will probably be changed from Acute to Chronic. They are seeing a slowdown in the development of the disease. The doctors themselves attribute the change to her interaction with Bella there. They say that on days that Bella comes and spends a few hours with her before treatment, they see her fighting harder. Bella gives her hope whether it's because of prayer or just her personality and disposition I don't know for sure. What I do know is that, that amazing woman has a way to make things better for all around her, and I thought that was exactly what Emmett and Rosalie would need in that moment. She is a woman very sealed in her religious beliefs, but that doesn't take away from her giving and caring disposition, it actually adds to it."_

_All I could do was stare at my cousin that is until we heard Tanya asking Bella why she was staring at me. I looked up just in time to see a look of want in her eyes. It disappeared quickly and she exclaimed how happy she was for Tanya and her family before quickly excusing herself out of the room. I stayed with my cousins for a little bit longer before heading over to check on Rose. When I walked in to only find Rose and Emmett in the room I was a little taken back. I would have thought Bella would have come back here._

"_Where's Bella?" I asked them._

_Emmett gave me a knowing look before answering, "She left, said something about having to check up on a couple of things at the church before getting her kid."_

"_She told us about Tanya being able to go home. That is wonderful. I am so happy for Tanya, Kate and Garrett." added in Rosalie._

"_Yeah it is great. Kate is so happy she is practically glowing and Tanya, let's just say that she will be keeping her parents awake for days with how much she is shining. She still has to come in for treatment and stuff, but at least she doesn't have to stay at the hospital anymore. Kate explained that the doctors were changing the status of the disease." I filled them in on what I had discussed with Kate earlier._

"_It's nice to have some good news amidst of all the sadness and pain we have going on. Gives me hope that this pain is temporary, and even though I know it will never completely leave and our little girl will be in our hearts forever. I know she is happy where she is and we will heal emotionally and physically from this." I openly gaped at Rosalie. I was so surprised to hear what she was saying. I expected her to become angry and bitter, but she was actually acting like she was accepting what was going on._

"_Bella," was all she said shrugging her shoulders at my apparent astonished face._

_I looked to my brother to see if he could shed some more light on what was going on. When I had spoken to him earlier in the day he was saying how she was being so mean and hurtful to anyone who would try to help her. He even told me that she had made a nurse cry in the morning. So to be hearing those words from her now, let's just say was a huge change of pace._

"_Bella came and spent a few hours with her today and I guess they got to talking. What can I tell you bro that girl is a miracle worker." _

_The days following Rose's release from the hospital I avoided going over to Emmett's, for fear of running into Bella. Emmett said that she was coming over and spending a few hours with them every night even bringing in her little boy. He said that having the little guy around was helping to keep Rosalie's spirits high. I had trouble wrapping my brain around how that was possible, but then again I was having trouble wrapping my brain around everything Bella Black related. She was definitely a conundrum that I wanted to get to know more deeply._

I was brought out of my thoughts by a knock on my door. I got up from the computer that I had been sitting in front of for the last hour not getting any work done on.

"Hey little brother, what are you up to?" Emmett greeted me as soon as I opened the door.

"Hey Em not much I am trying to work on that project for Warner Brothers. What's up how is Rose doing?"

"She is doing good. She went in to see her doctors this morning; she wanted to make sure that everything was as it should be. Since he had to have a c-section we weren't sure, and she also wanted to know if what happened to her could happen again, and ways to prevent it in the future. She wants go out to dinner tonight, which is the reason I'm here actually, she wanted you to join us." There was something else in his eyes but I couldn't figure out what it was.

"Sure what time?"

"Is 8:30 ok. We will meet you at the restaurant, is Sullivan's ok?"

"That sounds great I will see you there."

Emmett left right away explaining that he needed to get back to Rose. Even though she was doing better he was still afraid to leave her alone in the house to long. Especially on a day where she had talked to the doctors about what happened to her.

As soon as he left I went back to my computer to see if I could at least get part of the programming for the game we were supposed to be developing started. That was the beauty of working from home; I could work as much or as little as I wanted. I didn't have to report to anyone really. All I had to do was give a progress report of how the work was coming along to the client every couple of weeks is as we hit a key development points. The reason we had asked for the extension was because we both knew that the graphics were something that would be harder for me to do by myself. I would definitely need Emmett's help with that, especially since he was so much better at the visual part of everything. I could write program in my sleep but I could not work the CAD program well enough to get the animation the way it needed to be.

After Emmett's visit I was actually able to concentrate enough to get lost into the work. Bella was still in the back of my mind trying to edge itself into my conscious thoughts but I was able to keep it at bay. I was so lost in what I was working on that I had not noticed the time until the sound of my phone indicating a text broke through my concentration.

_Don't be late. I know you're lost in work. ;)_

The text was from Emmett, my brother knew me better than anyone else. He knew how lost I could get in writing program once I got stated. I looked up to see it was already 7:00 and I needed to take a shower and dress for Sullivan's. It is a pretty high class steak house, so jeans and a t-shirt wouldn't exactly be appropriate to show up in. I took a quick shower forgoing shaving; the stubble was just giving me a shadow it wasn't really significantly long so I figured it was ok. I took a little gel and combed it into my hair. I refused to try and do anything with it anymore; it was perpetually stuck as being a mess. I dressed in a royal blue form fitting button down, dark blue tie and black loose fit jeans. I paired the shirt and pants with my black Croft and Barrow Hoffman oxford shoes and my Dockers black and dark blue pin stripe jacket.

*****JaD*****

By the time I was done it was already almost 8:00. I had just enough time to jump into my grey Audi A5. I love my car the performance of it is just out of this world, I especially liked the manual transmission, because I loved having the control under my finger tips. I made my way through the thick Seattle traffic arriving just before 8:30.

I walked in to Sullivan's to already find Emmett and Rosalie enjoying a cup of wine at the bar. I waved in their direction as soon as Emmett saw me. Rosalie stood up and I started to make my way over to them until the person who stood up next to her made me stop short. In front of me was Bella dressed in a breath takingly beautiful black sleeveless dress. It was pleated, with a deep v but just giving a hint of her cleavage. It had some silver circles close to the bottom hem which went to just above her knees. I had some very inappropriate images of what I wanted to do with the little bit of her breasts that I could see. My mind immediately saw itself licking her soft supple nipples. I could just imagine her wearing a black lace bra. Her hair was loose in long chocolate colored waves; I imagined running my hands through those silky curls as she was on her knees with my dick in her mouth. I was grateful to still be wearing my jacket because I am sure that my now raging hard on would have been noticeable. Fuck I couldn't wait to make it through this dinner so that I could go home and let the rest of those fantasies playing in my head finish while I jerked off in the shower.

"Ed my man how are you" Emmett said as he gave me man hug. You know that half hug half pat thing we all do.

"Hey Em" I replied before quietly adding "You didn't tell me that Bella was joining us."

"Rose invited her as a way to thank her for being there for us since Noemi died" He replied just as quietly.

"Dude you could have warned me."

"Why would I need to warn you?" he smirked. That fucker knew that I was attracted to her. Then I figured out that look in his eyes when he came to invite me to dinner was the fact that he knew she was going to be at dinner too. Bastard set me up I would get him back for this soon.

"Hello to you too Edward," Rose said in a teasing voice.

"Hey Rose how you feeling?" I said giving her a kiss on the cheek.

I then moved over to greet Bella. "Good evening Bella" I said as I gave her a light hug. She felt so good in my arms I didn't want to let her go, but I knew if I held on to her any longer than what was appropriate Emmett or Rose would make some kind of comment.

"I'm feeling better, thanks for asking." Rose answered my question from earlier.

"Excuse me sir but your table is ready now." Said a pretty red head who was giving me bedroom eyes. Would it have been a month ago I would have been hitting on her in a second. Now after meeting the sexy brunette that would be dining with us there was no comparison.

The hostess led us to our table, where we sat with Rosalie on my right and Bella on my left, Emmett was directly in front of me. The hostess handed us our menus and informed us that our waiter's name was Mike and he would be with us momentarily as she walked away from the table.

"Ooo, this Chilled seafood sampler sounds absolutely delicious. Will you split it with me Rose?"

"Nope sorry sweetie I am trying to lose a few pounds that I gained during the pregnancy. So I'm going to get the Mozzarella and Tomato Salad" I held my breath waiting for Rose to break down after answering Bella, but it never came.

"What about you Em?" she tried asking my brother.

"Nuh uh I'm going to have the Chopped Salad. I have a hankering for some Avocado and Egg." My brother answered licking his lips as if he were already savoring his appetizer.

"Oh well, it's too big for me to eat by myself. I guess I will just have the Crispy Shanghai Calamari." Bella said with a deep sigh. I felt a little slighted she didn't even ask me if I would share it with her. I would be more than happy to share anything with her especially a seafood appetizer. Seafood is an aphrodisiac after all.

I was about to say something but Rose spoke up first, "Why don't you share it with Edward I know he likes to get it when we come to eat here."

I stared at Rose for a minute before clearing my throat, "If you don't mind, I don't usually have someone to share it with" I said a little sheepishly.

Her eyes brightened at the prospect of her getting to eat something she wanted off the menu, "Really you don't mind sharing it with me?"

"Not at all Bella, I would love to share it with you." I said as I winked at her. A beautiful blush rose on her cheeks and again my mind wondered into another way I could make those cheeks flush.

Just as Bella and my eyes locked and I could see something that looked like desire in her eyes, the waiter walked up.

"Good evening I'm Mike, I will be your server for the evening I see that you have already gotten a drink from the bar could I refresh anything for you or is there any appetizer I can get you started with?" The waiter said looking straight down Bella's dress. My hands automatically clenched into fits that itched to make their way across this fucking waiters face.

Instead I ground out through my clenched teeth "I will have a glass of Terazzas Malbec please. How about you sweetheart can I get you a refill on your wine?" I said placing my hand over Bella's. Making it look as if she were my wife or girlfriend.

She stayed looking at me with big eyes but did not say anything or pull her had from under mine. Her hand felt so soft under mine. I wonder what else her hand would feel soft and nice on.

"Edward you know well enough that the doctor told her that she is only allowed to have one glass of white wine during pregnancy." Rosalie said playing along. She winked at me when I turned my gaze towards her. Silently telling me she had caught the disrespectful leering of the waiter.

Bella began coughing as if she were choking on air; I quickly moved to assist her and whispered into her ear "The waiter was looking down your dress. I didn't think you would appreciate that. Would you mind just playing along?" She discretely nodded and sent a soft smile over her shoulder at me. "Are you ok sweetheart?"

"Yes thank you honey. I will just have a glass of sparkling water." She directed toward the waiter. He nodded and then excused himself to get the drinks we had ordered.

"Bella I am sorry I didn't mean to put you in that kind of situation where you had to lie, but the guy was being very disrespectful." I apologized after the waiter walked away.

"That's fine Edward I appreciate you looking out for me. You too Rose that was some quick thinking." She smiled at each of us. Again my breath caught at the beauty that reflected off of her.

"What the hell are you all talking about?" Only my clueless brother would curse in front of a church going woman like Bella.

Rose smacked him behind the head, "First off don't curse, and secondly didn't you see the way that waiter was looking down Bella's dress."

Emmett did not say anything; he just rubbed the sore spot on the back of his head. A few minutes later the waiter returned without drinks and took our dinner orders. His eyes were very much trained on his order pad instead of Bella's chest this time.

Conversation flowed easily during the rest of dinner. I learned about what Bella had told Rosalie that second day. She also explained that even though she was a strong Christian woman she didn't see any harm in having a glass of wine every once in a while, especially with dinner. All conversation ceased once our meals arrived. My mouth dropped at the size of Emmett's Porterhouse steak. Rosalie had chosen to go with Seared Ahi Tuna steak, Bella went with a 12oz New York Strip Steak (which really surprised me I thought she would have gone with something smaller) and I got the Lobster Tail.

*****JaD*** **

Once dinner we were all done eating our dinners we agreed to share a key lime pie for dessert. It was while we ate the pie that Rosalie spoke up.

"Well the reason I wanted to come out to dinner with the two of you today, was to thank you for all that you both have done for us in the last couple of months. Bella, you at no moment have allowed me to dwell on the pain and hurt that the loss of Noemi has caused. You have shown me a way to keep strong by not only your words but your example as well. I cannot express how much I have enjoyed having you come to our home each and every night to help me as well as bring me that beautiful little boy of yours. Listening to him start babbling has been great to keep me focused on other things besides my own loss." Rose stopped to wipe the loan tear that began to roll down her cheeks. Emmett began to get up to comfort his wife, but she stopped him with a slight smile. She reached over and gave Bella's hands a small squeeze. When I looked up to Bella's face I saw that she too had silent tears falling from her eyes, she was giving a small smile in return.

Then Rose turned to me "And Edward, there aren't enough words to express how thankful I am to you for everything you have ever done for your brother and I. If it weren't for you we would not even had the opportunity to have had Noemi in our lives to begin with, so for that we thank you. Also you have taken on the project of working alone, and letting us completely overlook your birthday without even a mention of it while I healed." She took a small pause and hugged me. "I am not fully emotionally healed but I am physically. So starting next week I am officially kicking Emmett out of the house for a few hours to help you work, and I am going to get out as well." She held her hand up when it looked that Emmett was getting ready to protest. "I already asked the doctor and he thought it would be a great idea for me to get out of the house. He said that I am healing nicely and being out and about would do me good. Also I will be working with a group that helps support women who have lost a pregnancy or infant. One of the girls I have met with before explained that after her son passed away, talking with others and helping them deal with their losses helped her deal. She suggested that I join them in planning and preparing things for other families out there going through the same thing."

"Oh Rose I think that is a wonderful idea, and if you need any help with anything please let me know. If you like you can also come and give me a hand at the hospital on those days that I need it." Bella encouraged.

"That would be wonderful Bella, I would love to. Do you think Pastor Jeff will have a problem with it?"

"I don't think so but I will ask him to be on the safe side."

Emmett beamed at his wife with the pride that was evident on his face. She had shown a strength in handling everything that she/ they had gone through in the last few months. I could see how proud he was that instead of letting things get her down or angry she took the high road and became a stronger person for it.

"Ok now that we have gotten to the real reason that we came to dinner, I want to go home and enjoy some fun with my fully healed wife. Edward would you mind taking Bella home for us?" in true Emmett fashion he cut the emotional tension that had fallen over the table.

"Sure Em, if Bella doesn't mind? It would be my absolute pleasure to drop you off Bella, where do you live?"

"I'm in Lynnwood. Why?"

"That's great; I'm only 10 minutes west of there in Edmond."

"But that means you have to come back down, that would be just too inconvenient"

"Don't be silly Bella, it is on my way. I will be more than happy to take you."

"Great so then its settled. Edward will drop you off Bella, and I am going to go home and enjoy the all clear I got from the doctors." Rose said with a look in her eyes that I knew all too well. She was planning something.

*****JaD*****

The car ride was passed with light conversation; I learned that Bella was from a small town about 3 hours away from Seattle. I also learned that she had a sister named Alice whose husbands name was Jasper (making me feel stupid for the feelings I had over the guy on that first night). She also told me that her step-dad was Philip Dwyer the second baseman for the Florida Marlins. I told her a little about what I do with developing video games. She didn't seem familiar with any of my work, but then again she wasn't very diverse with any type of gaming system.

We pulled up to a beautiful two story house, with a side porch. As soon as we walked in the door Bella called out. "Ali, I'm home."

This really short petite young woman came flouncing into the room. She looked more like a seventeen year old instead of the twenty-five year old that Bella said she was.

"Hey, Bells. I just fed Andrew and..." she stopped short the minute that she looked up and saw me. "And who is this?"

"Alice, this is Emmett's brother Edward, who was kind enough to drop me off." Bella explained with a blush rising in her cheeks.

"Hi _Edward _I'm Bella's sister Alice." She said extending her hand; I couldn't help notice the extra emphasis she put on my name and the pointed look she gave her sister.

I took her hand and shook it, "It's a pleasure to meet you."

As soon as I was done greeting her sister a tall blond man walks into the room, carrying a very cute tanned little boy with the blackest hair and expressive brown eyes. I just knew that this had to be Andrew; besides the eyes he also had Bella's pouty lips.

Alice quickly introduced us, "Edward this is my husband Jasper, and the little prince in his arms is our little peanut Andrew. Jazz this is Edward, Emmett's brother. He came to drop off Bella."

Andrew extended his arms out to his mother happily blabbering, "ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma" Bella quickly took him into her arms and kissed all over his face each time he called her ma.

"Andrew can you give Edward a wave?" Bella cooed to the little boy in her arms.

"Hi little guy" I said softly, not too sure on how to speak to a 7 month old.

"Dada" he said reaching out for me now.

*****JaD*****

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay in this chapter but I was a little busy writing an OS for "The year of One-Shots" for Southern Fan Fiction Review. The lovely Ms. Sandy who is in charge of that little ditty sent out a request for people to write a lemony OS for her "A Taste of Lemonade" segment. She wants to have a new OS each week, so I signed up to write one for her. I and my little OS are going to be featured this week (starting Tuesday) so I would love it if you headed over to her website and checked it out. It is also a great place to find list of some really great stories. She and others are always reviewing and featuring great works and writers. I feel honored that she is allowing my little OS on her wonderful site. www(dot)southernfanfictionreview(dot)com ~now you all know you have to take the word dot out and put and actual one~

Not too sure if there will be another chapter this week, but Chapter 8 is already playing in my head. My birthday is Friday and well, I think if I can manage to get my stuff done on time I will have a chance to post it that morning (No Promises though).

Recs of the week:

**The Harder They Fall** by: **Ironic Twist** - Bella Swan had big dreams. When her life takes a sad turn she is forced to do whatever she can just to keep her head above water. Edward Cullen's life is perfect. Well, almost. Perhaps these two can help each other out in an unorthodox way. (Let her know One of Eddie's girls sent you)

**The Cullen Campaign** by: **Belladonna1472** - Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan both have parents who are powerful on Capitol Hill. Problem is, their families are political enemies. What happens when Democrat!Edward and Republican!Bella bump into each other at Union Station in D.C.? AU/AH. ExB (Let me tell you I have never enjoyed politics so much)

**My Viking** by: **sheviking** - Bella is captured by Vikings and brought with them to their home country where her new fate awaits. Can she ever find happiness being a slave? Will it make a difference that she is given to Edward to be his bed thrall? Rated M for old time lemons


	8. Chapter 8 Here without You

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight that honor goes to Stephanie Meyer. I only own an imagination and the emotions that have gone into this story.

First and foremost I want to take a moment to thank **prettykittyartist** for pinch beta'ing this chapter while **cullenbabe1231** my regular beta got over her stomach flu. To **cullenbabe1231** I want to say thank you for agreeing to take on the project of keeping my punctuations in order and helping to arrange all the things my brain writes without my permission.

Secondly I need to make a couple of comments in regards to last chapter. I wanted to put it in the AN at the end of the chapter, but was so excited about my O/S (that is now available to be seen on the Southern Fan Fiction Review site) which cause me to forget to put this info in. Last chapter I took some creative license with the medical information on Tanya's disease. I am not a doctor nor pretend to be one, but I needed it for story purposes so I hope that you can all forgive my indiscretion. Also I wanted to clear up a little time confusion for your benefit and mine. Andrew was born Nov. 16 (making him 7 months old now), Jake died a month later Dec. 13. We are currently in the month of June close to the end of the month since they missed Edwards birthday (which is cannon to the books). Sorry for any confusion it may have caused.

Thank you to everyone to takes the time to review/ fav/ alert and rec my little story. I truly appreciate you all.

Song inspiration for this chapter is **Here without you** by: **3 Doors Down**

*****JaD*****

**Chapter 8 - Here without you**

BPOV

I began laughing at Edward's panicked face. Andrew had begun calling every man 'dada 'and every woman 'ma'. He was so excited to be able to communicate something that he didn't care what he said, or to who. Before I could catch my breath long enough to explain this to Edward, Jasper extended his arms to Andrew.

"Come here buddy, leave poor Edward alone," he said to my son.

"Dada, Dada, Dada," Jasper took Andrew into the other room as he babbled happily in his arms.

"Edward, I'm so sorry. Andrew just recently began to babble and his two favorite sounds are 'ma' and 'da', so now every woman is 'ma', and all men are 'dada'," I explained catching my breath.

"It's okay Bella, I was just a little thrown off and wasn't sure what to say to him after that," he admitted. "I should really get going though. I have lots of work that I need to get done tomorrow."

"Oh, okay. Well thank you again for dropping me off at home. It was very nice of you," I thanked him.

"Not a problem, anytime," he replied.

I walked Edward over to the door, but before he walked through it, he gave me a small kiss on the cheek. I hadn't realized that I missed a man's affection -who isn't my related to me- so much until that moment. It made my heart ache for the kisses that Jake used to give me just before leaving for work each morning. I gave Edward a tight smile, that I am sure didn't quite reach my eyes, but the pain in my heart at the moment was too much for me to really contain.

As soon as the door closed behind Edward, Alice quickly ushered me into the living room, forcing me to push the pain to the back of my mind.

"So, that was Edward. He's really hot. I thought you were out with Emmett and Rosalie, I didn't know you were on a date with Edward," she rushed at me randomly.

"First off, slow down. Secondly, I was not on a date with Edward. Emmett asked him to drop me off because he and Rose wanted to go home alone, and quickly. Thirdly, I haven't really noticed what he looks like," I stated.

Alice scoffed at my last comment, but thankfully did not say anything else.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Some guy named Hamilton Roberts from the DA's office called while you were out. He said that he didn't have your cell number or he would have contacted you directly. Mr. Roberts said to please call him anytime- said it was somewhat important," Alice regarded me as she gave me the message.

I honestly wasn't sure how to feel about Mr. Roberts contacting me. The fact that he was calling me meant that it had something to do with Jake. The drunk driver who hit Jake's car had been arrested at the scene and we had been waiting for the court to set his trial date. I guess that was what Mr. Roberts was calling about

"Thanks Ali. I think I am going to take the call in Jakes' office if that is alright. I need the privacy," I said as I got up from the couch. "Oh, did he say if he wanted me to call him at the office or the cell?"

"Cell. He said he was leaving the office right after he hung up with me, but what he needed to talk to you about was somewhat time sensitive. Do you need the number? Do you want me to go in there with you?" she inquired of me, getting up from the couch as well.

"No, I need to do this by myself, and I know his numbers by heart already, but thank you anyway," I responded appreciatively.

*****JaD*****

I walked into Jake's office- which I still hadn't done much with. I had gone through the papers and stuff that he had out, but still had the little knick knacks that cluttered the desk. There was a picture of us from our wedding, a silly Statue of Liberty snow globe that Rebecca had sent from her honeymoon in N.Y., and a rock paper-weight given to him by one of the kids from the Youth Ministry. I was hoping that being in Jakes' office with the still faint smell of car grease and Cool Water would soothe me. I picked up my cell and scrolled for Mr. Roberts' cell number, the phone only rang two times before he answered.

"Hello, this is Hamilton Roberts, how can I help you?" he greeted.

"Mr. Roberts, its Isabella Black, my sister said that you needed to speak to me," I answered.

"Mrs. Black, I am so glad that you got back to me so quickly. I thought you might want to know that Judge Demetri Afton has set a date for the beginning of James Tracker's trial. The honorable judge Afton informed Ms. Hunter- James' attorney that he is not going to give them anymore time. The trial has been delayed enough and the charges of vehicular homicide, which is a class C felony, will stick. Victoria Hunter was trying to have the charges lessened to vehicular manslaughter because Mr. Black passed away only after you had the ventilators and other machines that were keeping him alive turned off," Mr. Roberts informed me.

I could not believe what I was hearing. This had to be a joke. The defense attorney was accusing me of being the cause of my husbands' death.

I must have made some kind of noise that my brain did not register because he continued, "Now, before you say anything, I too was outraged and explained to the judge that the fact that the doctors found that Mr. Black had not had any brain function since the night of the accident should prove that turning the machines off was not only a necessity, but an act of human compassion. The judge readily agreed with me, so the charges stay. Mr. Tracker has decided to have a bench trial as opposed to a jury trial. This means here will not be a jury and the judge will choose if James guilty or not. Judge Afton will also be the one to set the sentence when he finds James guilty."

"Does that affect the length of the trial then?" I inquired. I remembered a little bit from the civics classes I had to take in high school.

"Yes, it cuts at least one to two days in jury selection and there is only one person to convince of Mr. Tracker's guilt, so there is a possibility of him coming back with a verdict faster," Mr. Roberts advised.

"Well, then it's a good thing because to be honest with you, I am not sure if I can handle a long, drawn out trial. I am having a hard time getting through this conversation as it is," I declared.

"I understand, and I will do everything in my power so that it doesn't take too long. I will need you to at least make a statement at the sentencing, so please be ready for that," he lamented.

"Okay, so when does the trial begin and how long do you think it may take? I need to inform my boss so that I will have the time available, especially since I plan to be there each and every day. I am sure that Jake's dad will want to be there, as well as my family. I also need to arrange things with the daycare for Andrew," I advised Mr. Roberts, feeling a bit anxious to get this all started already.

"Well the trial has been set for two weeks from now, on July 12th. If everything goes according to plan, it should only be two or three days. It is just a matter of seeing how long the judge takes to come back with his verdict, and then sentencing will commence. Most times the judge will already have the sentence chosen, so he is able to give it soon after his ruling. I will continue to call you the closer we get to trial, so please be ready for my calls. I am both sorry and happy that I was able to speak with you. I am sorry because you have to go through this, but happy that the ball is finally rolling and we should be done with this soon enough." Mr. Roberts said.

"Thank you, Mr. Roberts for all the information. I will get things started with my family and I will keep an eye out for you calls." I said before ending the call.

I needed to take a few minutes to collect myself after hanging up. I also had to make sure that I called Billy and Pastor Jeff to inform them on what was going on. My first call was going to be to Billy, I was just hoping that he wasn't already in bed.

*****JaD*****

I made my necessary calls and walked back into the living room to find Jasper there alone.

"How did your phone call go?" he asked as soon as I walked in.

I went ahead and explained to Jasper what happened with Mr. Roberts, and the phone calls I made to Billy and Pastor Jeff. I told him how Billy was going to stay here, and how Pastor Jeff had agreed to let me take all the time I needed to take care of things with James' trial, as well as any time that I may need afterward.

"Where is Alice and Andrew?" I asked him once I was done recounting what had happened in the last half hour.

"The little man had his last bottle and fell asleep. Alice went to put him down in his crib." Jasper explained.

"I'm going to go give her a hand and then head up to bed too. I am suddenly feeling very drained. Can you guys lock up when you're done," I asked him over my shoulders, already heading to the stairs.

I got upstairs and headed straight for Andrew's room. Alice had just finished covering him up when I walked in. She smiled at me softly and I squeezed her hand as I walked passed her to give Andrew a kiss. She must have taken my silence as a clue that I did not want to talk and quietly just left me in the room with my son.

Suddenly, I was hit with the need to hold my little boy. I picked up Andrew from his bed and walked to the glider next to the window -the same glider I sat in on the day of Jake's funeral. Again, I just held my little boy as tears rolled down my face. This time it was easier for me to know what I was crying over. I was crying over the pain that I felt for the loss of my husband once again being rehashed, the relief that we were finally going to begin the process of justice for the man that took him from our lives, and for myself. I have grown as a person and in strength so much the last six months that I knew I was no longer the same person that married Jake three years prior. In a way, I was a stronger person, but I was also a weaker person. Even though I had the strength I knew I needed to get up each day, I was still weak because of my loneliness and my desire for a touch that only a man could give me.

I cried harder when I thought about Edward's kiss, the touch of his hand on mine, and his caress on my back when I was choking. It sent a shiver of desire through my body. I thought about the way if felt when I lied about being his wife and pregnant with his child, and the pain that passed through me because I wished it were true. It made me feel like an awful wife for not loving my husband enough to not have those desires, and how I felt like an awful Christian for letting my body dictate my desires.

Logically I knew there was never even a possibility for anything to happen between Edward and me. Not because it was not natural for us as single people, but because I was not available emotionally and I doubted Edward was interested in a widow with a child. I also knew that I would probably only see him occasionally anyway, since I had not seen him at all in the last two months that I spent practically all my nights at Emmett and Rosalie's.

Those last thoughts helped to calm me immensely and I got up to put Andrew back into his crib. After walking out the room and into my own I noticed how late in the night it was. No wonder I had felt so tired. I quickly got ready for bed and hoped for a good night's sleep.

*****JaD*****

The weeks passed quickly and before I knew it, I was opening the door for Billy. He was going to be staying here with Andrew and me until after the trial was over. After speaking with Mr. Roberts, he also thought it was a good idea to have Billy speak at sentencing. Mr. Roberts thought that having a disabled father explain how much help his son was, and how since he was taken from us life had become harder, it would urge the judge to impose a much tougher sentence. Not that I was a normally vengeful person, but I was uncharacteristically happy about this bit of information. The prospect of the man who changed all our lives forever spending time in jail, and that our speeches could make it longer filled me with relief and joy.

What I had not expected when I opened the door for Billy ,was to find my father standing behind him. When I called Charlie to tell him about the trial, he said that he was not going to be able to come over due to all the work he had. I understood and explained to him that Renee was not going to be able to make it either because of Phil's scheduled games. I also explained that I had others that were going to be there to support me. Pastor Jeff had agreed to come with me, as well as Esme, Rose, and Emmett. Carlisle was stuck at the hospital since Fourth of July was so busy with all the accidents that tend to happen this time of year, and I hadn't spoken to Edward -no surprise there- since the night of the dinner.

"Dad, your here. I thought you had to work," I exclaimed as I hugged him tightly.

"You really think I would leave you to deal with this alone, baby girl?" he said in an incredulous tone.

"Of course not, but I understood you had to work, and besides, I am not alone. I have Billy here, Pastor Jeff, Alice and Jasper, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie. I explained when I called you to tell you about the trial," I said.

"Yeah, but you still need your dad. Besides, someone had to bring Billy up to Seattle" he winked.

"Your right Daddy, thank you," I gave him a great big hug.

I got both of them settled in the guest room and then went to prepare dinner. Shortly after, the three of us sat and had a quiet dinner. Billy spent a few hours after dinner playing with Andrew in the nursery before I put Andrew down for the night. We tried to stay up to talk a bit, but the anxiety of the events that awaited us the next day caused us to decide in just going to sleep.

The next day I got up, dressed in my Alice approved outfit, and then went to drop Andrew off at the daycare. Rebekah agreed to open up early so that I could drop Andrew off before heading to the courthouse. She was also taking Andrew back to her house in case we were still stuck in court when it was time for her to go home.

*****JaD*****

Before I knew it, we pulled up to the courthouse. Charlie drove us there in the cruiser so that we could park right in the front. We were instantly greeted by the DA. Hamilton Roberts could be considered a very good-looking man; bright blue eyes, slender but well built, and dark brown hair. He was wearing a light gray suit with a black button down and gold tie.

"Mrs. Black, good morning," he approached me with an extended hand.

"Good Morning Mr. Roberts. Let me introduce you to my father, Charles Swan, and my father-in-law, Mr. William Black," I pointed to each of man as I introduced them.

"Gentleman," he said as way of greeting the two men flanking me. "We should go inside. I have arranged for the rest of your group to be escorted by my ADA, Jennifer."

Mr. Roberts escorted us to a courtroom on the second floor of the courthouse. It was on the smaller side with only a few rows of benches on each side. There was a three-foot wide room separator, and two large desks that held three chairs at each. Between the two desks stood a podium that I assumed was for the lawyers to stand in front of while they spoke to the judge. A tall desk stood in front of the room—obviously this was where Judge Afton would be sitting. There was another desk in front of his and I wasn't sure what it was for. On the left side of Judge Afton's desk was a chair also facing toward the back of the courtroom which was clearly the witness stand. Mr. Roberts headed over to the desk on the right, and we sat in the front row behind the desk that Mr. Roberts had chosen. Not more than a minute later, a tall man with his shoulder length hair pulled neatly into a ponytail and a slender very pretty red head came striding into the room.

"Bastard," I heard Billy mutter. He then leaned over to me and said "that is Tracker."

I then understood the reason why Billy cursed. That was the man who took my husband from me. Sitting there looking at him, I couldn't help the memory that flashed behind my eyes.

"_Jake, my water just broke. I need you, can you please meet us at the hospital," I begged him as soon as he answered his cell._

"_I'm on my way, angel. I'm jumping in the car as we speak, I will be there as soon as I can. Hold on for me. Be my brave girl until I can get to you," he answered back. _

I shook the memory out of my head and focused my attention on the entrance hoping to see Alice, Jasper, and the Cullens. A few minutes later, that is exactly who walked in the door. The one extra person that walked in with them surprised me. Edward was the last one to walk into the courtroom.

Rosalie was the first to reach me, and hugged me hello. Next was Emmett, followed by Esme, Jasper, and Alice. Edward was the last again to give his greeting.

"I hope it's okay with you that I am here. When Emmett told me he was taking a few days to come and support you, I decided to tag along," he whispered to me.

"No, it is fine. Actually, it is very sweet of you to come to support me and my family," I gratefully replied.

"Anything for you. You have been my family's saving grace. You're an angel that landed on the earth instead of staying in heaven," he declared.

A lump formed in my throat hearing him call me the same thing Jake used to call me. All I did was nod and settled myself back down. Alice and Jasper sat on the bench where me, my dad and billy sat, and the Cullen's sat behind us. Pastor Jeff finally walked in with just a minute to spare before the bailiff asked us to stand and Judge Afton walked in.

Mr. Roberts was first up to give his opening statement. He stood at the podium and began with a confidence that just rolled off him.

"Your honor, there is no real reason why we should be here this morning. If only one person could have made the right decision to not drive a vehicle after participating in drinking. This one decision took a husband from his wife, a father from his son, a son from his disabled father, and a man of faith from his church. Jacob Black was hit on his way to the hospital to witness the birth of his first-born child after helping his disabled father. As a result of this accident, Mr. Black found himself brain dead and on life support -leaving his wife with the hardest choice she would ever have to make. Only a month after giving birth to her son, Mrs. Black was forced to turn off the machines that were keeping her husband alive. The state will prove that Mr. Tracker -knowing that he had too much to drink- chose to get into his car on November 16th, with a blood alcohol level of .10 which is significantly above the legal limit," was Mr. Roberts emotional statement.

"_Mom, try him again. He should have been here by now. I can't have Andrew without him. It has been four hours since I called him," I panted in between contractions._

"_Bella, honey he is probably just stuck in traffic. Be patient and if he doesn't get here in time, I will be here with you. He will see little Andrew as soon as he arrives," my mom answered._

I was once again pulled from my memory by Mrs. Hunter's opening statement. "My client, Mr. Tracker has admitted that he had only a few beers on the night that he is being accused of driving under the influence. The amount that Mr. Tracker drank on that evening was not enough to have had been considered legally drunk. The defense will prove that not only was Mr. Tracker not above the limit, but he should not be facing the charges that he is been charged with. If Mrs. Black would have continued to try and get the doctors to help her husband, he would have been just fine," was her short declaration.

The appalled mummers of all around me reflected exactly what I was feeling. I could not believe that even after the judge had told her that he was not lowering the charges, she was still trying to put the blame of Jake's death on me. I felt a hand lightly squeeze my shoulder from behind; and when I turned around to smile my gratitude, I was once again astonished to find that it was Edward's hand on my shoulder.

After the opening statements were made, the trial proceeded with first the state presenting their case, with witness after witness proving each and every point they were making. Mr. Roberts had a toxicologist explain that not only had they done a breathalyzer test at the scene, but a blood test done a couple of hours later. He explained that with what the number was in the blood test only a couple hours afterward, they are able to calculate what the number was at the time of the actual accident. When Jake's neurologist took the stand, not only did I feel hands on my shoulders, but I also took a hold of both my dad and Billy's hands. Dr. Jane explained that due to the injuries that Jake received during the accident, it would have been impossible for him to ever regained consciousness. She elaborated that keeping him on the machines would have only been an expensive unnecessary procedure. The final person was an accident specialist that was able to create a computer simulation of how the accident happened.

The day in court ended with the closing of the state's case. I was very impressed with the case that Mr. Roberts was presenting. I could see the confidence that he and his ADA, Jennifer had in there witnesses and case. I explained to everyone that I was just going to go pick up Andrew from Rebekah's, and then I was heading straight home. No one made a move to argue with me, all understanding that I was emotionally drained.

The next day started much as the one before had.I dropped off Andrew and then went with Billy and my father to the court house where we were once again met by Mr. Roberts. Just as we had the previous day, we made our way to the courtroom and sat in our respective seats. Mrs. Hunter started her day with her own list of experts who tried to refute everything that the state's witnesses had established the day before. It was during Mr. Laurent's testimony that I found myself fighting to stay in my seat. Mr. Laurent was the defenses accident expert that tried to claim that Jake was the one that had been speeding in his rush to get to me, and not Mr. Tracker. He too had a simulation that proved his point. His computer animation tried to show that if Jake had been following the speed limit, the accident would not have been as severe as it was. When Mr. Roberts cross-examined Mr. Laurent, the first thing he asked him was if he took the skid marks showing when both cars began to break into account. When Mr. Laurent was unable to prove this, he was forced to admit that it had not.

"_Bella, I just got a call from Charlie," Renee began slowly after being allowed in the delivery room again. I had been cleaned up, and Andrew had been wheeled into the nursery for his own clean up._

"_Was he able to tell you if Jake is still stuck in traffic?" I asked, curious why after 5 hours Jake had still not arrived. He missed the birth of his son, which I knew would disappoint him greatly once he got here._

"_Baby, about that... um... Jake... um, Jake is on his way to the hospital," she stuttered all over the place._

"_Obviously mom, he would come here. I told him not to go to the house. I told him we were going to come straight to the hospital and to meet us here as soon as he could," I reiterated._

"_No, Bella honey, Jake was in an accident. They are airlifting him here from Sequim now," she explained carefully, grabbing on to my shaking hands._

"_What? No mom, please tell me he's okay. Tell me he is going to be okay please, I have to know that he is going to be fine," I cried._

"_I don't know, baby. I just don't know," she relented sadly._

I was once again filled with memories of that day, after hearing the different statements being made by the defenses witnesses. I returned to the here and now with the bang of the judge's gavel calling for the lunch recess.

We returned from lunch to hear the closing statements. Mr. Roberts once again delivered a moving speech, making me thankful that he was on our side. Mrs. Hunter's speech was once again -in my opinion- short and lacking. She reiterated what she had said in her opening statement and added that she had proved that in Jake's rush to get to me, he was reckless and the cause of the accident. I once again found myself wanting to yell at this arrogant woman.

The judge ordered us not to go far since he was sure that his verdict would not take long to render. That is how exactly thirty minutes later we found ourselves once again in Judge Afton's courtroom. He asked Mr. Tracker and his attorney stand so that he could address them.

Judge Afton began, "this verdict is one of the fastest I have ever rendered. It is also one of the easiest that I can remember making. Mrs. Hunter, you have tried to prove to me that your client Mr. Tracker is not responsible for his actions on the night of the accident that eventually caused the end to the life of Mr. Jacob Black. You have also tried to put the blame not only on the victim, but also on his young, emotional, over-charged wife. I have sat in this courtroom watching the pain, hurt, anger and resignation flash through her face for two days. I have admired how she was able to sit still while someone tried to put the blame on her husband. I have also sat here and watched Mr. Tracker's face show no kind of remorse for what he has done. He has had a face of indifference- of annoyance as if all these proceedings are just a waste of his time. Mr. Roberts, I have also listened to you and your witnesses prove time and time again, how the actions of one night, and of one person set in motion a life altering event. So it is with easiness in my heart that I have to say that I find Mr. James Tracker guilty of vehicular homicide. Do you have anyone that would wish to speak before I hand out my sentencing?" he concluded, addressing Mr. Roberts.

I once again had tears in my eyes, feeling relief that the judge had also found James guilty of taking my husband.

"Yes, Your Honor, Mrs. Black, Mr. Black's father, and Mr. Black's pastor would like a small statement," Mr. Roberts informed the judged.

"Very well. Due to the lateness of the hour, we will reconvene here tomorrow at 9:00 am to hear these statements. After which I will be presenting my sentence," Judge Afton stated before banging his gavel.

"Bella, I would like to let Pastor Jeff go first, then you, Mr. Black and then finally you, Bella. Does that plan work for you?" Mr. Roberts asked as soon as the judge had left the courtroom.

"Sure, that works for me," I answered.

"Great, then I will see you all tomorrow morning," he said before making his departure.

The rest of us followed him out. I turned around just as I was leaving the courtroom, to see not only James Tracker leering at me, but also his lawyer, Victoria Hunter.

"Bella, you go home, I will pick up little Andrew and have him stay at my house tonight. That way you can work on your speech for tomorrow," Alice kindly suggested.

"Sure Alice," I quickly agreed, not really having much energy to fight it. I was also looking forward to having the quiet time to think of what I wanted to say, not only the judge, but also the man who stole my husband's life.

*****JaD*****

**AN:** I did quite a bit of research for this chapter, and know for a fact that the charges against James are exactly as they would be in the state of Washington.

I really wanted to have this chapter posted Friday, but got very distracted by a story, so please blame **i'm random** **girl** for the delay. Her story **Rebel Child and the Preachers Daughter** would not let me go until I was up to date on it. Go check it out it is so so good. Also try to encourage her to update because she has left us on such a good cliffy it's killing me.

The chapters may not be coming as quickly as before since I now have a wonderful beta **cullenbabe1231** and she needs to put her little red pen to the chapters before I can bring them to you.

Also I now have a Facebook for my fanfiction you can thank **i'm random girl** for that too… (link is on my profile) Also I have a blogger account but have no clue how to blog so if anyone is interested in helping me with that I would appreciate it.

Don't forget everyone who reviews gets a teaser for the next chapter.

Next chapter is already typed and with the bet- (will be in EPOV and we will know what he was thinking and up to). We will also have all the speeches and sentencing. Sorry for the length of this chapter it just got completely away from me. Thank you all and see you next chapter.

**Recs for the week:**

**Rebel Child, and a Preacher's Daughter** by: **i'm random girl** - Bella is trying to break out of the mold her Baptist preacher father has made for her. She tries to remain true to herself while falling for the bad boy. Follow her on her road to self discovery. AH.M-rated for language,sex,drugs,drinking,religious ref

**Unplanned Perfection** by: **littlecat358** - Bella and Alice were best friends, which made Bella the only girl off limits to Alice's brother Edward. When a party the summer after graduation gets out of control, Bella's world is turned upside down. "He doesn't know. I don't want him to." LANG/LEMON

**Parachute** by: **kitsushel** - After finding an abandoned child on the streets of Seattle, Bella Swan raises him for five years as her own. What happens to their life when his biological family is found? AU/AH


	9. Chapter 9 Wonderwall

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight that honor goes to Stephanie Meyer. I only own an imagination and the emotions that have gone into this story.

First and foremost I want to thank **Prettykittyartist** for agreeing to become my beta. She has the task of keeping all my punctuations in line and fixing what my brain starts to write without my permission.

Thank you to all who read/ rec/ alert/ fav and review. The emails telling me what you all think of this little story keep me happy. As always a small teaser to those who review.

Title for this chapter comes from** Wonderwall** by: **Ryan Adams** (again another song sent to me by my bb. Thanks sugar)

*****JaD*****

**Chapter 9- Wonderwall**

EPOV

The weeks that followed the dinner with Emmett were so hectic that I didn't think they were ever going to slow down again. The Monday after the dinner with Bella, Emmett returned to work. He worked diligently in getting the graphics done for the game we were developing. It was easier than we originally thought it would be since the game was based off 'a Warner Brothers movie that was being released in April, called _The Green Lantern_. The only real problem we had was that we didn't have the final cut of the movie yet, so we had to base everything on the scripts and production notes that they sent to us. Luckily, Em was a huge comic book fan and had read all of the comics when we were kids.

Rose kept herself busy - as she had told us she would, helping in the Butterflies from Heaven group that she was a part of. She informed us that they were beginning to prepare for an event that they held in October for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day. I didn't really understand much about it, but Emmett informed me that we would be attending, and that they do something to remember all the babies that had been lost to the parents in the group.

In what seemed like a blink of an eye, we were heading over to my parents house for the Fourth of July picnic and fireworks. My parents went all out decorating the house in lots of red, white, and blue. When I asked my mom about it, she said that they were expecting more guests this year and wanted to make everyone feel in the spirit of the day. I thought it was silly, but fuck it… who was I to judge. I also wondered who would be coming, and secretly hoped it would be Bella.

When an hour after we had arrived to the house I saw Alice and Jasper walk up, I had hope that Bella would not be far behind them. That wish was dashed pretty quickly though.

"How's Bella holding up?" Emmett asked Jasper. I was not aware that they knew each other, but then again, Bella spent so much time with them right after Noemi's death that I shouldn't have been surprised.

"Not really sure, dude. She is in Forks with Billy and Charlie. They both wanted to spend some time with her before the whole thing. Last I saw her she looked like she was holding up pretty well, but that could all be an act. She has gotten good about hiding what she is really feeling lately. Don't get me wrong, she has survived so well these last seven months, but she loved Jake completely and that can't be easy," Jasper, explained. I wondered what they were talking about, and who Charlie and Billy were.

Not letting the curiosity fester any longer, I just asked. "Em, what's going on with Bella, and why are two guys staying with her?"

" Ed, have you been fucking listening to anything I have been telling you these last few days?" was the reply from Emmett, still not telling me anything really.

"You haven't said anything about Bella." Trust me, I thought silently. There was no need for him to know that I couldn't stop thinking about the beautiful angel that I could only admire from afar. The angel that still caused my lips to tingle, and my dick to twitch slightly just remembering the small kiss we shared. I don't know what came over me when I did it… I just had to.

"Yeah I did tell you about it, asshole. I told you, 'I have to go with a friend to court for a few days, so I won't be in'," Emmett reiterated.

"Exactly, asswipe. You said a _friend,_ you never said Bella. How the fuck am I supposed to know who you were talking about." fucking moron - like I can fucking read minds.

"Well you should have figured it was her we were talking about, since we haven't hung out with anyone else in months. Well… aside of you, Jasper ,and Alice," he sighed, like I should have known this little tidbit of information.

"Hey, you know what happens when you ASSume, right, ass," I retorted.

"Whatever" was all he said, then turned back to Jasper. "So, what time does court start?"

"Bella, said she and Billy were going to get there at seven-thirty am, even though it doesn't start until eight am just to make sure they find the courtroom okay. Alice and I were thinking of getting there around seven-forty-five am. Do you want to meet up with us?" he asked. I still was not sure what that guy Billy had to do with anything but at least I had a little more information.

"Sure. Rose, Ma, and I will meet you guys in the front of the courthouse then," Emmett confirmed.

"Do you mind if I join you all, too. I am sure that Bella will need all the support she can get and well, she was there for us when Noemi... well, you know. I just want to try and repay the favor," I ended lamely, not sure what else to say.

"We would appreciate that greatly, Edward. The trial is going to be hard for her. There is still a lot she doesn't know about what happened during the actual accident; we only explained to her that he was hit. Some of this might actually be very hard for her to hear," Jasper explained. 

*****JaD*****

That is how we found ourselves walking into the big courthouse - following a hazel eyed, pretty, dirty-blond ADA by the name of Jennifer, on July twelfth. She led us up to a small courtroom, where I immediately found Bella standing next to two men. The one in the wheelchair had friendly enough eyes, and long, salt and pepper hair. I figured that he was probably Billy - who I learned was Jake's father on the Fourth of July from my parents -. My parents also told me that Charlie - Bella's father, was going to be joining her; she just didn't know it yet. On the other side of Bella stood a tall man with deep chocolate eyes. They were just like his daughter's except hers had a hint more hazel in them, and felt friendlier. Charlie Swan looked much younger than he actually was. To have two grown daughters and to look still in his early forties was a great feat. The only thing that really gave away his age was the little salt and pepper beard and mustache he had growing in. Even his hair was still a dark brown.

Everyone greeted Bella with a hug showing their support for her, so I did the same. I also made sure that it was okay with her that I was here. She assured me that she appreciated me taking time to be there for her and her family.

Soon enough the judge came in to start the trial. The DA made his opening statement, followed by the Defense attorney. She looked to be a real bitch in my book, when she accused Bella of being the cause of her husband no longer being around, it took everything in me not to slap the fucking smirk off her face. Everyone around us growled at that statement as well. I put my hand on Bella's shoulder and gave her a reassuring squeeze to just remind her that I was there. I felt that warmth that I always associated with her as my hand rested on her shoulder. The smile she gave me over her shoulder also had my damn dick getting hard. I couldn't stop imagining what it would be like to consume this woman fully and completely. I knew it was wrong of me to have these thoughts at the trial for the man that took her husband, but a small part of me was grateful that I may have a chance sometime in the future to be with her. Dispelling those thoughts from my head, I focused on the trial itself and learned a lot about what happened to Jacob Black - the one man that had been lucky enough to be married to such a beautiful angel. I could see Bella tense at something every once in a while at something that was said, or get a look of being lost in her head before she would shake off whatever it was, and focus on the trial again. I desperately wished that I were able to read minds because honestly, I would love to have known what she was thinking exactly. The first day finished with the prosecution's case, and the next day would be the defenses turn to disprove the charges against James Tracker.

Bella did not stay to speak with anyone, and quickly left to pick up her son. The rest of us decided on going out to dinner before heading home. It was nice to get to know Charlie a little bit during dinner, as well as Billy. I felt bad that he no longer had his son to help him take care of little things, until he explained that he had someone that Bella hired to come and help him around the house now.

"Paul is great; he used to be a really close friend of Jake's, until him and Bella moved out here permanently after their wedding. Anyway, he comes by and helps me with anything I need. I know that Bella pays him to do it, but he's still looking out for me, so it is nice. Besides, I think he has a thing for Rachel, and is looking for an excuse to be at my house more than necessary," he said with a chuckle.

"Come, Billy, Don't act like you wouldn't love for Paulie to become part of your family," Charlie ribbed him.

"Please, that short-tempered ass? Don't get me wrong; he's a great guy to help out and stuff ,but I don't trust that he could keep his temper around my little girl."

" So, Jacob wasn't your only child?" I asked Billy

"No, Jake was just the baby of the family. I have twin daughters, Rachel, and Rebecca. Rebecca is married and lives in Hawaii and Rachel only comes home from school on holidays or summer break," he explained.

All I did was nod my head in understanding and let the conversations continue around me. Knowing now that Jake had been a big source of help to many made me wonder about myself. Was I a good enough person to be with someone like Bella? Jake sounded like a person who could provide so much comfort for her. Could I do that for her too? Had I been selfless enough to be deserving of an angel? I made a vow to give more of myself and to help those around me more. I vowed to join my parents, brother, and Rose to church at least once a month. I knew I couldn't commit to doing more than that, but it was something. Another plus to going to church with my family was that I would be able to see Bella more often. It would be wrong for me not to admit that - that fact alone was a huge motivator.

I soon found myself getting ready for the next day of court. I was hoping that the day would go fast, and that neither Bella, nor her family would have to wait too long for the judge to come back with his verdict. Just as we had hoped, the defense didn't have much to show for themselves, and Mr. Roberts was very quick in disproving all their arguments. Soon enough, the judge excused himself to come to his verdict. Not long after, he came back with his verdict of Guilty for vehicular homicide. The relief for the outcome was visible in every one's eyes. I knew we were all happy that the bastard was going to have to serve some time for what he did; the only problem was how much. I hoped that Pastor Jeff's, Billy's and Bella's statements - that were scheduled for the next day, would be enough. I looked online once I got home to see if I could find out what the possible sentence could be, but unfortunately had no luck.

I then remembered that we had a friend from our childhood that was a corrections officer, and thought I would give him a call. We said the normal greeting bullshit, then I got down to what I had called him for.

"Hey, Justin my man, how much fucking time should a guy get for getting a DUI and killing a person?" I asked.

"You would think it was more, but those motherfuckers only get about six-months, to five-years," he informed me. I was instantly pissed off. That fucker took a life and all he would get was a max of five-years.

"That's some fucked up shit… so the guy that killed my friend's husband can get away with only doing a few months? That's real bullshit… fucking bullshit, man," I seethed.

He chuckle humorlessly, "I know man, try working in the fucking system when you think it's all fucked up."

I ended the call with Justin soon after that and spent the remainder of the evening trying not to let my anger get to me too much. Rest did not come easily that night, but soon enough I was getting ready for court once more. 

*****JaD*****

Pastor Jeff was the first one to give his statement to the judge.  
"It is not my place to judge anyone… that I leave to the professionals, and God. What my job is, to tell you what kind of person was taken from this world. Even though he may very well be in a place that is much nicer and happier than this world could ever be, he left things behind that will always be hurting. He has a son that will never get to meet him. He leaves a whole generation of kids that will not get to benefit from learning the lessons of God's grace that he taught in our church. He left a wife that has had to pick her life up from the ground and live for herself and her child. He leaves friends that will miss the smile and radiant personality that he had. What he leaves behind mostly, is an emptiness that no one will ever be able to fill. So, my prayer is that James Tracker learn that every decision that we make in our lives not only affect us, but others around us. May you ask God for forgiveness because he is the only one who can truly grant it. Thank you"

Judge Afton thanked Pastor Jeff after he was done with his little statement, and then asked who was next. Mr. Roberts introduced Billy to the court, and helped wheel him into place.

"Good morning, my name is William E. Black. I am here today to ask something simple from the court. My son and daughter-in-law would insist that I do not hold hate in my heart, but I can't say I would agree. I hate the man sitting at that table; he took my only son from me. He took the one person who I could depend on to help a crippled old man move things around the house, to get groceries, to help me out with everything, and anything I may have needed. My daughter-in-law may now pay someone to do all those things for me, but she shouldn't have to. No… my son should have been the one doing all that for me. He should be helping his wife raise his son; he should be out keeping teens from making stupid mistakes. He should be doing all those things, but he is not. All because that SOB," he looked over his shoulder, giving Bella and Pastor Jeff an apologetic smile for his cursing. The tears that looked to be on the brink of falling moved me greatly. "All because he was not able to stop drinking, or call a friend, or a cab to pick him up. The worst part is that to this day, I still don't know what was so important to Mr. Tracker, that would cause him to drive drunk to get. What was so important that he had to take my sons life? I ask of this court, and of you, Judge Afton, to afford this disgrace of a man the harshest of penalties. Thank you." Billy ended his speech just as the tears were beginning to make it into his throat and down his face.

Bella then got up and helped Billy wheel himself back into his spot next to the benches they had spent the last three days sitting in. She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze before taking her place at the podium. This was the statement that I was most dreading - and hoping to hear. I knew that Bella needed to purge these thoughts and feelings from her heart.

She took a deep breath before she began, "I prayed a lot last night before I sat down to write what I wanted to say today. Then, after praying and not being able to find the right words, I decided to ask my bible. Here is what it had to say. In _Romans 12:14, Bless those who persecute you; bless, and don't curse._ What do those words mean to me? Well, simple they say that I should not persecute James Tracker for the pain that he has caused in my life, but how could I not. He took my life away. In _Luke 23:34 Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing.' Dividing his garments among them, they cast lots. _I don't know if that is necessarily true when it comes to James Tracker;he knew he was getting in a car after drinking far too much, but he still chose to do it - causing the life of my husband to ultimately end. Finally, in _1 Peter 3:9 says not rendering evil for evil, or insult for insult; but instead blessing; knowing that to this were you called, that you may inherit a blessing._ So I will do just that. I will forgive Mr. James Tracker for the transgressions that he has committed against my son and myself, but I will not forget. Not a minute of my life will I be able to forget the pain of not having my husband with me when I brought our son into this world. I will not forget how it felt that just mere moments after I have brought a gift from God into my life, I was told that my husband may not be here to see it grow. I will not forget the sound of hearing my husband take his last breath - that a machine had to supply him with - and I will not forget the pain of watching our friends and family having to say goodbye. So, do I want revenge on James Tracker? Sure. But, as a good Christian woman, I cannot allow those thoughts into my heart. What I want is for this not to happen to anyone else ever again. If one more life is saved due to the loss I had to endure, then it was not endured in vain. The one that will suffer the most will be my son... our son. He will never know what kind of man his father was. He will never know the man that gave his life to the Lord, the man who I married, the man that chose to lead others in making good, righteous decisions. That will all have to fall on the conscious of only one person. As it says in _Luke 6:27-28 (27) But I tell you who hear: love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, (28) bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you._ I pray that God forgives you, James, and that you may learn to forgive yourself someday. Remember what it says in _Romans 14:12-13 So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God. _  
_Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother's way._" Was the last thing she said before walking away from the podium.

We were all crying by the time Bella was done with her speech. She too had silent tears rolling down her face, but with a new determination in her stance. I was so proud to know that woman - to be able to call her a friend, and I hoped that I could now get to know her even more. Everyone got up to give Bella a hug and to show her our support once again. Mr. Roberts even took a moment to hug her and congratulate her for such a moving, and heartfelt statement.

Judge Afton cleared his throat to get our attention once again. "First of all, I want to thank you, Mrs. Black, Mr. Black and Pastor Greene, for your moving and informative statements. Mr. Tracker, would you please stand. Before I tell you what your sentence will be I want to give you an opportunity to give us your statement."

" Well, what can I say besides I am sorry? I didn't think that the couple of beers I had that afternoon would have been enough to cause all this to happen. I still don't think this family would be going through the pain that they are going through if they had just kept that guy alive with machines, and given the doctors more time to see what else could be done for him. I am not a bad person, I have a job, I pay my taxes, and I pay all my bills on time. I never thought I would end up here. I feel like I have made choices in my life that were just a little screwed up. I ask mercy from the court. Thank you," James Tracker, said in the most insincere voice I have ever heard. I could tell he didn't really care that he had killed someone - all he cared about was the fact that he was facing jail time. How much remails to be seen.

"Thank you, Mr. Tracker. The following sentence is to begin with you turning yourself into the Seattle Justice Department twenty-four hours from the moment we leave this courtroom. James Tracker, you are to serve a five years sentence for vehicular homicide, with no less then thirty-nine months before you are eligible for parole. You are also to enroll in an Alcoholics Anonymous group after spending thirty days in an alcohol program after your release from prison. Also, after your release, you are to have an Ignition Interlock Device installed into any vehicle that you may own for the rest of your life. This devise is to ensure that you cannot turn on the automobile without having your blood alcohol level checked. Restitution in the amount of $30,000 is to be paid to Mrs. Black and her son before your parole time is up. Also, for the next eighteen years, you are to write a letter of apology to Andrew J. Black, Mr. Black's son, on a monthly basis, on the anniversary of the day he passed away. Lastly, you are to speak at public school functions for the rest of your life on the errors of drinking while driving, and of your experience because of it. Mr. Tracker, know that I am only affording you these twenty-four hours to get your affairs in order, and I expect you to turn yourself into McNeil Island Correction Center on time. If not, I will have the possibility of early release removed, and you will spend the complete five years locked up. Have I made myself clear?" Judge Afton waited for acknowledgement of what he said before he continued. "I did not see enough sincere remorse for your actions, Mr. Tracker, and it is my hope that this will help you see the error of your ways and how it affects so many people."

With those final words, Judge Afton banged his gavel, stood, and left the courtroom. We began to stand, but Bella remained stoic. She was still as a board; wouldn't move… wouldn't speak… nothing. We began to get a bit nervous. When she still would not move after five minutes, I told my mom to call my dad and ask him what to do.

"Carlisle, she has been catatonic for five minutes now. She won't move, won't talk, nothing. I am getting really scared." I heard my mom inform my dad. "Uhuh... Yeah... Ok... I will ask Charlie to do it... We will see you soon..." was all I heard from her end of the conversation before she hung up.

"Charlie, see if you can carry her. Carlisle said he wants her brought in to the hospital." Said she is in severe shock." My mom informed us.

Before anyone else could move, I grabbed Bella in my arms and carried her to my car. I was so glad that I had brought my Audi today instead of riding in the car with Emmett and Rose. 

*****JaD*****

AN: Oh no what happened to Bella... Will she be ok? We will find out what was going through her mind in the next chapter... and hopefully have a little jump in time again... cause who is as anxious as I am to get E & B together already.

The movie _The Green Lantern_ is an actual movie by Warner Brothers studios that is set to come out in April of this year.

Justin is an actual friend of mine who is a corrections officer and he the conversation that Edward has with him is the actual conversation I had when researching the info for this chapter. James' sentence is a combination of different sentences handed out by judges to different convicted DUI offenders.

Butterflies from Heaven is an actual support group that my family is a part of and they have an annual event to honor those lost babies.

I'm random girl was gracious to help me with the bible words and meanings for this chapter so I want to thank my FF girlfriend for that.

I have had a wonderful time over on Facebook (link on profile). There are some very wonderful ladies that keep me laughing and smiling. I love you girls…

There is also a new site that was started by some great women and we would love it if you checked it out. www(dot)thefanfictionaddiction(dot)com

Ok I have already started chapter 10 but it is nowhere near done. I am also going to start collaborating on a story with Nails233 so the updates might be coming a little further apart. I will try to juggle things so that it's not too long.

No recs for this week because I have to sit and organize them. But there are lots of great ones out there. Have a great couple of days.


	10. Chapter 10 Can it be any harder

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight that honor goes to Stephanie Meyer. I only own an imagination and the emotions that have gone into this story.

First and foremost I want to thank **Prettykittyartist** for agreeing to become my beta. She has the task of keeping all my punctuations in line and fixing what my brain starts to write without my permission.

Also a big thank you to all my girls on FB who encourage me and that help me stay focused and write with the WC's, also a very special thank you to i'm random girl, nails233, holloweenlover (which happens to be my twifey – Lucie married us last week and we are working on writing honeymoon for the new site) I love you girls.

Don't forget to go check out and sign up for the new site thefanfictionaddiction (dot) com

Thank you to all who read/ rec/ alert/ fav and review. I got lots a whole lot of alerts and stuff for last chapter to Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

Title for this chapter comes from** Could it be any harder by**: **The Calling (thanks to Gelix for sharing it in her story When love and hate collide.**

*****JaD*****

**Chapter 10 – Could it be any harder.**

**BPOV**

Five years? That's all James gets for taking my husband? And what is this whole letter to Andrew thing about? Does the Judge really thing that, that was enough. I can't breathe, what's going on? There is noise all around me -like talking but I can't hear anything. Then suddenly I am being lifted. Where am I going?

The instant feeling of calm that fills my body feels so nice. The arms that are around me remind me of being loved, of being protected. I haven't felt anything close to this since Jake died, and this is so much better. Where did it go? I can feel myself panicking again. Then the feeling of peace starts to build around me again, it starts with a soft touch, the feeling travels up and down my arm. I want this feeling, I need this feeling. Again, the calm disappears… why does it keep going away? Then, just as quickly, I am moving again, and noise starts to fill around me once more as well. Why can't I make out what anyone is saying? Darkness abruptly falls over me.

"Bella? Bella, can you hear me baby?" says a voice that sounds like melted chocolate.

I know I make some kind of noise of acknowledgement, but I can't say for sure what that is.

"It think she is coming around," I hear another voice declare.

Then all at once I start hearing sounds; beeping and voices are the ones that I can make out the clearest. I slowly begin to open my eyes -that I am just noticing have been closed this whole time.

"Hey baby girl, how you feeling?" my dad asks as soon as my eyes open.

"Where am I?" I inquire, before I even answer his question.

"You're in the hospital little sissy." Alice speaks so quietly and delicately to me. -nothing like her normal, happy, bubbly self. It makes me worry.

"Why am I in the hospital? Is everything alright?" Panic once again taking over my system.

"Bella, listen to me, you need to calm down. I don't want to have to give you another shot of Ativan," Carlisle says, from somewhere next to my head.

"Another?" I ask to no one in particular.

"Bella, what is the last thing you remember?" Carlisle counters with a question of his own.

"Being in the courtroom. Hearing Judge Afton say that James has to write Andrew a letter every month, and that he is only doing 5 years, possibly less with good behavior," I honestly answer. Things started to get fuzzy after that. He explained that I most likely went into shock, and that is why nothing else registers in my memory.

"Why did you have to give me Ativan if I was already in shock?" I couldn't understand why he would give me a drug at that point.

"Bella, after I brought you into the hospital, you began to have a panic attack the minute I put you down," I looked over to see Edward sitting closely to me.

"You brought me into the hospital?" I asked him, getting quite confused.

He stroked my hand and I started to feel that warm feeling once more. "Yes Bella, I carried you in and I have not left your side since." All I could do is stare at him. I was still quite dazed and confused on what was going on.

Exhaustion must have been a side effect of the medication, because I suddenly felt quite tired. The last thing I remember was looking into Edward's concerned, but beautiful eyes.

The next time I have any recollection of anything it is dark out. I cleared my throat from the dry scratchy feel it had. Out of nowhere a straw is placed on my lips.

"You have slept for a long time. I am sure you're thirsty," Edward whispered.

"Thank you," I croaked out. I cleared the frog out before I continued, "how long do I have to stay?"

"You should be able to go home tomorrow, my dad just wanted to keep you under observation, not knowing how you would react to the Ativan," replied.

Then I suddenly realized that Andrew was alone. The panic that was beginning to set in worrying about my son was probably on my face, because Edward reached out and said, "Andrew is with Alice, your dad, and Jasper. Emmett and Rosalie said they would pick him up in the morning and drop him off at the church before coming to see you. I... um... I asked... um... I asked to stay." He mumbled the last few words so quietly that had it not been only him and I in the room, I would not have heard him.

"You didn't have to do that Edward, but I thank you, sincerely," I stated with as much honesty as I could in my voice. I didn't want him to think I didn't completely appreciate it. I knew that things were going to be rough once more.

I never thought that it was going to be this hard again, after all. I thought I had gotten past the pain and hurt until I heard that judge say that James would get so little time for killing my husband. It made me feel like my husband's life didn't mean anything, and was worth so little to the state. With that thought, I found myself falling into blackness of sleep once more.

The next time I awoke, my room was filled with flowers and the faces of my family. The first to notice my alertness, was of course, Edward, who looked like he had not moved all night. I knew that when I woke in the middle of the night that he was there, but I thought he would have gone home now that my family was back.

"Hey beautiful girl," he said softly. He then moved out the way so that Alice could come sit next to me. I felt my father's hands stroke my head and looked over to see the relief in his eyes.

"Oh Bella, we were so worried about you baby," were my father's pained words.

"I know daddy, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to worry you all. I guess I was just not prepared for the sentence; I guess I thought a man's life was more valuable than what James got," I explicated, as simply as I could. There was just so much more to why I felt the way I did, but there was no one that could do anything about it. Dr. Cullen walked in a couple of minutes later, followed by Pastor Jeff.

Dr. Cullen checked me out, and told me that I didn't look to be having any real adverse reactions and could go home later that afternoon, leaving quickly to finish his rounds.

I was puzzled by Pastor Jeff; he had a face filled with worry and tension. This was a face I had seen on him in the past, usually when he was ready to deliver some hard news to someone.

"Pastor Jeff, is everything okay?" I inquired, not being able to withstand the look on his face any longer.

"I don't want to upset you or anything, but I think that you need to take some time for yourself. Your job at the church will always be available for you, but I can now see that you are not fully healed from your loss, and putting all that responsibility on you so soon after was a mistake," he concluded solemnly.

I couldn't be angry or upset with him, because I honestly agreed with him. I didn't take the proper time to morn. It had only been a couple of months when I started to just live my life -yes that is what Jake wanted me to do - but that didn't mean I needed to put it all behind me completely. Unfortunately, it seems that is exactly what I had done - until the moment it all just caught up to me. I lost the first man that I ever loved… the father of my child, and I put it aside like nothing even mattered. I made a plan to speak to Jazz later and have him recommend one of the psychologists at the hospital to talk to. I needed to get better. I had a little boy who needed me as well, that would be my ultimate motivation.

*****JaD*****

The days seemed to pass without my notice; faster than I ever thought possible, and too soon, it was September. I had spend many of my days in a stupor. I would wake up each day and take care of Andrew. Alice would come by, Rosalie would call and invite me to go with her, but I just couldn't bring myself to do anything. Pastor Jeff would call to check on me and he would remind me that Jake would not have wanted me to live like I had been. It didn't make much difference though, the psychologist explained that I ignored all the proper steps of grieving and tried to live my life, but I really wasn't living… I was existing. She also explained that it was actually fairly common for people who had been trained to deal with grief to not follow the proper rules and expectations. She also explained that the trigger to everything had been the results of the trial. The stress from what was said, and the blame that was put on me didn't help. She explained that subconsciously, I blamed myself as much as James' lawyer did.

Alice was trying to get me to allow her to throw a large scale party for my birthday, but I adamantly refused. I told her that I did not want to spend my time out in a party; I would rather stay home. She of course gave me her signature puppy dog face, and begged me to at least let her host a small dinner party with dad, herself, Jasper, Billy, and the Cullen's. I sighed in resignation and agreed to it.

The dinner party had just began when there was a knock on my door. Alice quickly got up - looking a little confused, so I knew that she really didn't know who could be at the door. We all waited with baited breath as the mysterious guest made their way into the dining room. Alice wore a faced wracked with panic when she finally came back in, followed quickly by Mr. Roberts. -he was accompanied by a beautiful brunette with extremely bright hazel eyes. I felt the blood drain from my own face and my heart beat pick up at seeing him.

"Mrs. Black, please accept my sincerest apologies for interrupting your dinner," Mr. Roberts stated regretfully.

I quickly stood to greet him properly. "Good evening, Mr. Roberts. Would you like to join us for dinner?" I motioned toward the table we were all sitting at.

"Thank you, Mrs. Black but no, my wife and I already have dinner plans. I came to speak to you about James Tracker." He gestured to the next room, making it clear that he wanted to speak with me privately.

My heart-beat began to speed up, making me unable to move. Did James escape from the prison? Was he now out to get me because of what I said at the trial? All these different thoughts and scenarios were playing in my head. The look on my face must have said a lot, because Mr. Roberts stopped and asked if I wanted anyone to join us. Alice quickly stood, as did my dad, but I shook my head to them.

"Edward, would you mind keeping me company?" I pleaded with my eyes. Edward quickly stood and came to comfort me. We had become quite close after my breakdown, and he was the first person I called after each of my sessions; truth be told he was the only person I called. He was the only person that I called for anything anymore. If my dad or Alice didn't call or visit me, I wouldn't know anything about their lives, but Edward had a way of calming me and making me feel at ease. and he was a great listener. I quickly realized that the feeling of being protected and loved while I was in shock, came from Edward. I could feel it when he carried me to his car and took care of me.

I walked with both men into the office, that was now clear of all of Jake's things. One of the things that the therapist told me to do to help me to truly start healing, was to stop keeping a shrine of Jake. She explained that the way I kept his office, and had not removed his clothes from the house in all this time was me keeping him with me physically. I was no longer able to be with him physically, so until my emotions learned that, I had to remove him from my site. Somewhat like out of sight, out of mind, but it was part of the process she wanted me to go through. I needed to acknowledge that he was no longer here, and that it was okay to let him go. With Edward's help, we took everything out of the office that belonged to Jake, and started to set it up for me. Edward was sweet in holding my hand -metaphorically speaking- through everything. I started to see him in a somewhat different light.

As soon as we had all taken a seat - Mr. Roberts on the couch, Edward on one of the rolling stools, and me on the desk chair - Mr. Roberts began. "Mrs. Black..."

I interrupted him before he could continue. "Bella, please."

He nodded and proceeded, "Bella... the reason that I'm here tonight is because my office received the first letter that Judge Afton ordered James to write. All letters will take a few weeks to arrive since they have to be scrutinized by the prison, and then go to Mrs. Hunters office before finally being delivered to my office. I wanted to deliver it personally and ask you if you wanted my office to send them here, or hold them until Andrew is of age?"

"Mr. Roberts, is it really necessary for us to read these letters? I honestly don't think I could handle reading anything that man has to say," I explained with conviction in my voice. I felt Edward slip his hand into mine and give it a slight squeeze, calming instantly.

It was amazing how in tune with my emotions and needs Edward had become. He could feel what I needed, and when I needed it without, me having to say anything. I guess my voice or face was giving away my internal turmoil, for Edward to touch me. I enjoyed the tingles that filled my body at his touch. I had worked with Michelle, my counselor, a bit on the guilt that I felt when he first started to touch me. She explained that it was quite normal and safe to have a reaction to another human like the one I was having toward Edward. She also explained that I didn't have to feel bad, and that I didn't love Jacob any less for enjoying these simple things. She was trying to convince me that I liked Edward in a more man/woman type of way and not just as a friend. I tried to tell her that I didn't, because I was a little afraid that she was right.

I was brought out of my thoughts by Edward's voice. "Mr. Roberts, as much as we appreciate you coming all the way out here on your personal time, I think it is best if the letters are no longer brought to Bella. Is there a way to have them filed, and then let Andrew chose what he wants to do with them once he's older" He then turned to me, "Bella, are you ready to go enjoy your birthday dinner?"

I smiled at him for being so caring and for taking charge when I was having trouble. "Yes, Edward, Thank you. We should go back into the dining room," I said in a soft voice.

"Oh, Bella please forgive me, I had no idea. I should have waited until tomorrow, or called instead of interrupting you special dinner. Mr. Roberts looked repent for bringing up something so painful on my special day.

"You didn't know, and besides we needed to address this sooner or later. I appreciate you coming over to do it personally instead of over the phone." I waved off his guilt.

We quickly got up, headed out of the office, and back to the dining room. Mr. Roberts made his way over to his wife, grabbed her hand and turned to leave. "Bella, on behalf of my beautiful wife and myself, Happy Birthday." With those final words, he kissed his wife chastely, in what I could only assume was apology for interrupting their evening plans to come see me. She smiled up at him lovingly, and they walked out with Edward to continue with his evening.

While we waited for Edward to return, I was lost in the memories of the last few months. Edward had been so good and understanding. He would come over, or call and listen to me tell him about something something Michelle had encouraged me to do. For example: the day he came over to help me take Jake's clothes to the thrift store that is run by the church, or the day he came and took the playpen out of my car and we returned it -in his car of course- to the baby store so that I could get something that wouldn't constantly remind me of Jake. He was also so good with Andrew. Whenever I had to get something taken care of around the house, he would volunteer to take Andrew to the park and let him play for a little while. After he finished the video game that Emmett and he were working on for Warner Brothers, he decided to approach a lesser known educational video game company to work on developing video games for small children. Emmett loved the idea as much as Edward did; they saw it as a great contribution toward the education of the next generation. I also thought of, he growing attachment Andrew had to Edward , and I spoke to Michelle about it. She told me that it was healthy and that Andrew needed the strong male influence around that he didn't have before. Michelle explained to me that even though Jasper was in his life, Andrew could feel the lack of Jasper's presence on a constant basis. Edward was in our home spending time with Andrew more than Jasper had been over the last couple of months. She said that kids are super perceptive like that; and they knew when someone was there for a short time or a long one. I feared that Andrew would become too attached, and then Edward would fall in love with someone and leave him… but I still welcomed it. My son needed Edward as much as I did. I could see it in both of our mannerisms and actions. My thoughts were interrupted by Andrew's cries coming over the monitor. I rushed into the nursery to get my little man, returning with his sleepy, but happy disposition into the dining room where Edward had returned as well.

"Is everything ok?" I asked Edward while putting Andrew into his high chair.

"Yes, I hope it is alright with you that I told Mr. Roberts that you wanted the letters to be held onto until Andrew was old enough to decide on his own what he wanted to do with them." The concern was clearly written on his face.

"Of course, Edward, it was perfectly fine. I knew I would not be able to deal with this whole thing. It has only been two months since the trial, and even though I have made huge strides with Michelle's help, I wouldn't have been able to deal with those letters. Not now, and I don't think ever," I explained sincerely.

We went on with dinner in a companionable atmosphere. Andrew kept us entertained with his attempts at eating by himself. Emmett was the one that enjoyed it the most, being his silly, goofy self, and trying to get Andrew to imitate him. We all laughed when Andrew took a piece of his hotdog and just chucked it in Emmett's direction - who happen to be sitting across from him at the table. The stunned look on Emmett's face was classic.

After dinner we moved on to living room so that I could open the gifts from everyone. Esme and Carlisle gifted me with a gift card to a spa, and Emmett and Rosalie gave me the whole Alex Cross series by James Patterson, telling me that I would love the psychological aspect of it. Jasper and Alice got me three pairs of Prada shoes with matching purses - which I knew was all Alice's choice. My dad said that his gift was from him, Sue, Leah, and Seth -apparently my dad started dating Sue recently- and it was a beautiful scrapbook filled with pictures of Jake and I when we first began to date, our wedding, and our first year together and then with my growing belly. That gift brought tears to my eyes, but I knew I would treasure it forever. Edward chose to go last.

"I don't know if my gift could compete with what you got from your dad, but it is something I thought you might like," he explained before handing me a rectangular blue box. I gasped when I opened it. Inside was a Tiffany's charm bracelet. It was silver, with a heart charm that said 'MOM', another charm of an A for Andrew, a cross, and finally a key. I gasped at the exquisite gift.

"Oh, Edward, you really shouldn't have. This is too much," I murmured.

"Bella, you deserve this and so much more, it was the least I could give you. You have become an extremely important person in my life the last couple of months, and I have come to see that strong person that doesn't let things get her down. You have been through so much, and yet you have found a way to still keep going. Also, I am so grateful that you have let me become your friend and have come to me for support and help." By the time he was done with his sweet words, I had tears streaming down my face. I could feel the power of his emotion filled words. That is also the day that I began to have strong feeling for Edward. I was going to make sure I spoke to Michelle about it at our next session.

After the gifts, everyone began to leave. Alice promised to come and help me clean up the dishes in the morning, and told me I should get Andrew ready for bed and just get some rest. Edward told her that he would help me with that before he left, and would make sure I relaxed. I was a little irritated that they were treating me as if I was a fragile child, but when I thought about the fact that emotionally I was spen,t I decided to heed their suggestion. I quickly got Andrew and myself ready for bed. I laid him down in his crib and thankfully he quickly fell asleep. I headed back down stairs to see if Edward needed a hand.

"Go to bed, Bella. I can see myself out, and there is nothing that I need help with," he stated before I even had a chance to speak.

I chuckled lightly, walked up to him, gave his hand a squeeze, and for the first time I kissed his cheek. He had been the one to do that for me before he left, but after my realization that I was falling for him, I felt the need to do it. He froze in front of me and I wasn't sure if it was in surprise or disgust. I was getting ready to excuse myself and leave, when he looked at me with an emotion I did not recognize, before they set in determination.

"Bella, I have wanted to ask you this for months now, but I knew you weren't really ready. Would you... um would you like to go out with me, on a real date?" Edward asked in a very worried voice.

*****JaD*****

**AN:** Next chapter will be in BPOV as well. We will find out her reaction to him asking her out and her answer... I have a small question for you all would you prefer a preview of the next chapter as a review reply reward or an Out-take from Jake's POV of the accident... it has been playing in my head for a few chapters now and I kind of wanted to share it but if you prefer I can post it at the end of the story. Thanks.

I had some very special reviews last chapter, and to those two women I want to say thank you. Your beautiful words were not only inspirational but heartwarming. Nancy123k and Anglebaby696. You both have an amazing ability to express yourselves.

To **Iamthecaptianofmypain** I told you I was going to give Hamilton Roberts a beautiful wife (wink)

**Recs for the week**:

**The Impasse **by: **BitteninCa** - Bella Swan is the Editor in Chief of a successful magazine, life for her is simple and content until Edward Cullen takes the helm at Cullen Publishing and becomes her new boss turning her world upside down. AH/AU

**Carlies eyes** by: **prettykittyartist** - Bella finally gets her dream date with Edward Cullen. Edward has been secretly in love with Bella for years. It is one night and it will change their lives forever

**Forever Edward** by: **Edwardslove82** - EPOV. Edward keeps a sexy journal for Bella. Journal entries and love letters from Edward. Canon. M for Lemons. Sexually Explicit Content


	11. Chapter 11 A Different Kind of Pain

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight that honor goes to Stephanie Meyer. I only own an imagination and the emotions that have gone into this story.

First and foremost I want to thank **Prettykittyartist** for agreeing to become my beta. She has the task of keeping all my punctuations in line and fixing what my brain starts to write without my permission.

Also a big thank you to all my girls on FB who encourage me and that help me stay focused. Also the girls in the WC's, busymommy, Emily, Kitsushel, I punch warewolves and Lauren. Also a very special thank you to i'm random girl, nails233, holloweenlover (which happens to be my twifey and a wonderful story pimp) I love you girls.

Don't forget to go check out and sign up for the new site thefanfictionaddiction (dot) com

Thank you to all who read/ rec/ alert/ fav and review. Each chapter I am blessed with so much love. I can't contain the happiness.

Title for this chapter comes from **A Different Kind of Pain** by: **Cold** (Thanks Sugar for the song) Enjoy.

*****JaD*****

**Chapter 11 - A Different Kind of Pain**

**BPOV**

I had finished checking in with Melisa, Michelle's receptionist and sat down in the modest waiting room. I always hated sitting in this room, it was so plain and generic, unlike Michelle's treatment room. This room was filled with ugly pink pleather chairs, and a painting that looks like someone just threw up different jars of pink paint all over it. The only thing that gave a bit of life and color to the room was the large flat screen LCD TV. Of course, it was stuck on some medical channel that played the same things over and over. If people did not have issues before coming into this room, they would after spending enough time in it. I couldn't understand how poor Melissa didn't go nuts being stuck in this room. The great thing is that I was only in this room about 15 minutes before my appointment.

Exactly 15 minutes later, Michelle called me into her treatment room. The first time I came in to see her, she told me that her actual office was kept separate from her treatment room to ensure that she did not accidentally leave personal patient information out where others could see. The treatment room was set up in such a comfortable and soothing way. It had a large olive colored couch that had recliners on either side, I remember the first time I sat on it; I asked if the recliners were for us to lay down on. The room also had a small refreshment area, and a table with tissues and such items. The final thing in the room was the large wing back chair that Michelle sat in.. I walked in, and went straight for the Diet Coke that I always liked to drink when I was in this room. I had a very strange comfort reaction to it, it felt familiar and safe. I needed things like that when I came to these sessions at times.

"Good morning, Bella. How are you doing this morning?" Michelle greeted.

"Good morning, Michelle. I don't really know. I have so many feeling and emotions going through me right now. I don't know if I am acting and reacting the way I should, or if I am over- reacting. I feel like I am hurting many of those that I love. I don't want to hurt anyone, especially not right now," I sighed.

"What do you mean, Bella? How are you hurting people?" she asked.

"Well, I have been really snippy with everyone. I have yelled at Alice for no real reason, I have been avoiding Edward, and I am even finding myself losing my temper with Andrew more easily." The reality of my actions the last few days were even worse when I said them out loud.

"Okay, we will begin to address why you are reacting this way. Does it have anything to do with what tomorrow is?" she questioned me. I could see that she was not going to beat around the bush today, and wanted to get straight to the cause of my erratic behavior.

"Michelle, they are the same reasons they have been for the last two weeks." We have been having daily appointments because of what was about to happen.

Michelle sighed; I'm sure she was getting tired of my attitude toward everything. "Bella, you need to talk about it. You can't keep everything in. That kind of attitude is what landed you in my office in the first place. You went through a great trauma when you were at your most vulnerable. Losing a husband on the same day you gave birth to your son is not something you can heal from by ignoring it. Didn't the panic attack you had during the trial teach you that?"

"Michelle, it will be a year TOMORROW!" I yelled. "Aren't I allowed to want to wallow and hide from the world? I hate that my son's birth will forever be tainted with the reminder that it was also the day that we lost his father. Jacob may have died 28 days later, but we lost him that day. I lost the sunshine in my life that day. I never got to hear his voice again. How am I supposed to feel right now?" I said as the sobs made their way out of me. I was hurting; I was in so much pain. I felt guilty that I wanted to celebrate my son's life. I wanted it to be a happy day. How selfish could I be?

"Yes! Bella, you are allowed. It's okay to have these feelings, it's okay to be angry, hurt, sad and all that, but you also need to be okay with continuing your life. You are a young woman that has had to suffer through some great pains, but that does not mean have to close yourself off, or that you can't celebrate the birth of your son. Jake would have wanted you to go on with your life, you know that. Hell, I know that and I never even met the man," Michelle ended in a soft voice.

"Michelle, It's been less than a year since I lost my husband, and I am already dating. Not only am I dating, but I think I have strong feelings for the guy. He makes me feel things that I should have only felt with Jake- no one else." I explained, getting to the true root of what had been bothering me. The date with Edward had been fantastic- he thought of everything, and it was so unique and different than what I thought a first date would have been. He not only thought of things for us to do, but he also made sure that we could bring Andrew along with us. He made it a family oriented date. He knew how special and important my son was and he wanted to make sure he included him in all of our things.

"So that is the real reason for all of this, huh Bella? You're feeling guilty and bad that you enjoyed your date out with Edward? The man has proven to be there for you, he has made sure that you haven't needed anything physically and emotionally since the trial. YOU have leaned on him, and that's perfectly all right. Bella, Jake would have wanted you to go on with your life. Hell, you have had how many dreams in the last year with him telling you to go on. What is so different today?" she inquired, raising her eyebrow at me.

"I had another dream about him last night," I whispered.

"Tell me about the dream, Bella," she urged.

"We were at the beach again. I was playing in the sand with Andrew; he was getting it all over himself. I stood him up so that I could clean some of it off before it started to rub him raw, when Andrew suddenly started to wobble past me. I tried to grab him, but he just went faster. It felt as if I was trying to catch air instead of my toddling son. When I turn around I see Jake standing behind me, but Andrew is no longer there. I ask Jake where our son is and he tells me that our son isn't there anymore. He says "Andrew is not our little boy, he's a man with a family of his own." I start to laugh and tell him that it's impossible -I was just playing with him in the sand. "Bella, when was the last time you saw yourself?" Jake asks me. "Jacob, what are you talking about? I saw myself this morning," I tell him. He laughs lightly and points down to my hands. When I look down, I am horrified by what I see. My hands are full of age spots; they are wrinkled and look like my grandmother Marie's hands before she passed away. He tells me "Angel, you have spent your entire life waiting for me, and you've alone. It's time to go, its time to let Andrew finish living his life the way he should have been all those years. He shouldn't have to care for his aging mother, that never let go. He should do what you never did for yourself. Come, angel, your past awaits". I start to cry, and plead, and tell him I can't go yet- I am not ready. Andrew cannot be left alone yet it's, too soon. All he does is laugh and say that I had my chance to live my life and chose not to, and now time was up. I woke up sobbing and ran straight to Andrew's room to make sure he was still tucked into his little crib." I finish telling her about my dream. It is the latest in a series I have had since the date.

"Bella, you see Jake is trying to tell you not to hold on forever. He's telling you that you're only going to end up hurting yourself, and Andrew. You need to let go a little, its okay," she concluded.

I sighed, not really sure how I was feeling about everything. Was I really okay with letting go and getting out there again? Did I feel that it was what I needed, what Andrew needed? I just couldn't think of those things right now. I was hurting so much; my son's birthday is supposed to be a day full of joy, not a day that I spend depressed and wanting to lock myself up. It killed me that I couldn't be happier about the day for Andrew. My son deserved so much more then what I was giving him. I agreed to let Alice and Jasper throw him a big birthday party in Forks during the weekend, but I couldn't bring myself to have a party or make a big deal about it tomorrow. It felt like I was celebrating the end of my husband's life, and now with me dating Edward, the guilt was even stronger. Maybe the guilt wouldn't have been as bad if we weren't dating and still just friends, or if I didn't enjoy the way he kissed me when he kissed me goodnight.

After I agreed to go out with him, Edward told me that he wanted to ask me for weeks, but knew I wasn't ready. I also kept bringing up Jake each time he began to gain the nerve to ask. I felt slightly bad because I wanted him to ask me out, I liked him and wanted to get to know him better. Secondly, it made me feel good that someone still found me attractive. The fact that, that person caused me to have inappropriate thoughts notwithstanding. He told me that he would call me during the week to give me details, and told me not to get a sitter because he wanted to include Andrew on our date. He said that we would have plenty of other dates without Andrew, but the first one would not have been right without the little man -as he called him. He then leaned in and gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek- the same one he always gives me, but quickly moved and pecked me on the lips. I was not expecting that and he moved away almost immediately. If I had blinked at that moment I would have thought it was all in my head- it was that quick. The sparks that tingled on my lips were proof that it was not my imagination. My lips felt like they had been zapped with static electricity… it was such a strange but welcoming sensation.

"Bella, what's the smile for? You haven't smiled in a session all week. Are you thinking of Jake, or Edward?" Michelle asked in a bit of a knowing tone.

My face immediately turned a whole slew of shades of red. "Edward kissed me the day he asked me out, but hasn't since," I blurted out.

Michelle raised an eyebrow at me, but didn't say anything else. I know she wanted me to continue and explain further.

I shook my head in defiance; there was nothing else that I wanted to share about that little bit of information... at least not yet. I would eventually share with her, but I knew I needed to first deal with whether or not I wanted to kiss him again.

The session ended shortly after that with Michelle promising that I could contact her on the cell tomorrow if I really needed her. She said she was worried about my state of mind, especially with how I reacted to things today. I agreed that if I felt panicked or anything out of the ordinary, I would call her right away.

*****JaD*****

I made it through Andrew's birthday fairly well. I only had to call Michelle once, and that was first thing in the morning when I woke up and realized I was waking to an empty bed. Andrew had begun to toddle a little, so as soon I went into his room to get him up for the day and lavish him in kisses, he giggled and toddle away from me, reminding me greatly of the dream a couple of nights before. What really pushed me over the edge, and made me breakdown to call Michelle, was when Andrew toddled to the wedding picture -that used to be in Jake's office whether or not I wanted to kiss him again - he pointed to it and said, "Hiay Dada." That one little statement, and knowing that Andrew was a lot more aware of who was in that picture, killed me.

Shortly after my phone call, and subsequent breakdown with Michelle, I walked out to find Jasper, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie and Edward in my kitchen. Alice was at the stove cooking up something that resembled pancakes -at least I thought it was pancakes.

Alice wrapped me in a tight hug as she greeted me a good morning, that was followed by similar greetings from Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper. Edward hung back a little bit, and that killed me a little. I knew that he was hesitant to make much contact with me, especially since I had been treating him so coldly since our date.

"Morning, Bella" he carefully said.

I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, "Good morning, Edward."

He hesitantly brought his arms around me, but I could not blame him for being like this. I had only called him twice since our date, and it had been over a month ago.

I suddenly felt rejected and quickly extracted my arms from around him, hiding my face from him so he would not see the rejection in my eyes. But I guess I was not fast, or stealth enough because he grabbed me by the wrists.

"Bella, is everything alright?" The concern was evident in his voice.

"It's just been a really emotional day, Edward. I will be fine," I dismissed, a little colder then I had meant to.

"No, you're not fine, pretty girl. Talk to me please," he pleaded, with so much pain in his voice. He started to call me pretty girl after I explained to him that Jake used to call me Angel.

I sighed because I knew in my heart that I missed talking to him- I missed being honest with him and telling him what I truly was feeling. "I'm sorry I've kept you at a distance, Edward. I just wasn't sure how I was feeling with everything, especially after our date. To be honest with you, I was feeling a little guilty… like I was cheating on Jake. That is not fair to you, and I am sorry for hurting you."

"Pretty girl, I am willing to go as slow as you need me to. I just want to be able to spend time with you." He leaned down and gave me a soft kiss on my lips, very similar to the one he gave me at the end of our date.

Just as I was getting into the kiss, and finally wanting to add to it, Esme and Carlisle walked in, with Andrew in Esme's arms. I had not realized until that moment that he was missing. I had been so focused on what was going on between Edward and I.

"Ewar... Ewar," Andrew screamed happily. He had become so close to Edward in the last few months. I was so happy that my son had so many men in his life to help care for him.

"Happy Birthday, lil' man! How you doing?" Edward asked, swinging the squealing boy in the air and laughing along with him.

"Edward, put that boy down before you make him sick swinging him around like that," Esme chastised good-naturedly. 'Good morning, Bella how are you feeling this morning?" she turned to me with worry etched in her face.

"I am better now, Esme, thank you." I was not going to lie and tell her that I was fine, that was the main thing that Michelle told me not to do today. Especially today of all days. Esme gave me a reassuring hug and then went to try to see if she could salvage the rest of the breakfast.

After breakfast… we all headed out, We were going to the park for a little bit and then we were going to go off to Chuck E. Cheese for lunch and playtime. I didn't see the point; it's not like Andrew understood anything that was going on. That's not to say that he was not eating up all the attention that he was getting from everyone. Andrew loved being the center of attention, and Esme and Carlisle doted on him as if he were their own grandchild. Esme said that he helped to fill a little of the void left behind after the loss of Noemi. I knew how hard the loss was on everyone in the family.

I was happy to see that Kate and Garrett had come join us at the pizza place, with Tanya, who looked more recuperated. Tanya had been doing well the last few months. She was going through her therapies like a champ. She also continued to go to church with her parents- she had even managed to get her grandparents to join her every once in a while.

My own trips to church had waned in the last few months. I didn't have the energy or desire to go to church. Michelle explained to me that it was natural for someone who had gone through what I had to lose some faith. She explained that many people in mourning- especially those who have had such a strong faith- to question it. She explained that we question where that deity was when the person we loved needed them the most.

I tried to talk to Pastor Jeff about it, but he just brushed it off and told me that I needed to heal emotionally before I could put any effort back into the church. I was relieved that he understood. I assure that he would tell me that I needed to go back to church and put more faith in God. He explained that until I was healed, it would be impossible for me to accept God, and the word that was being preached about him when I was still harboring this anger and pain inside.

Andrew fell asleep soon afterward, and everyone thought it was best to call it an early night,

I knew that Andrew would not sleep for long, but thought it was a great time to just reflect and relax. Michelle had been making me keep a journal- mostly of my dreams. I took the quiet time to write about the latest dream. We were walking along the shoreline hand in hand before he stepped away from me. He told me he wanted me to meet someone, and then the dream merged into Edward holding my hand. He was looking deep into my eyes, telling me how much he cared about me. He asked me to love him in return, and to allow him to make me his wife. I was crying and promising to love him forever.

Andrew waking from his nap brought me out of my dream memories. I got up to get something small for dinner ready for us. It was simple now that he was able to eat a few more things and I didn't have to make something different for each of us. I stuck with the classic hotdog and Cheetos. I was cutting up Andrew's hotdog when there was a knock at the door.

I went to answer, and was shock to see who I found standing at my doorstep with take out.

*****JaD*****

**AN: Just a Dream has been nominated for an award in the Inspired awards… It's up for best angst under 1000… Please go vote not only for me but many of the other stories that have been nominated. Voting is open until 2/20/11… **inspiredfanficawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com

Those who wanted JakesPOV as a review reward, I am sorry that I could not send it, but it wasn't quite ready. I am still working on it, but it will either be posted at the end of this story or as a separate out-take story. I also have a James POV of his reaction to the sentence that will be added to that.

**Recs for the week:**

**Going under for the third time** by **busymommy** - Jasper is a surf bum trying to escape his past, Bella is a graduate student trying to find her future. Will a chance meeting during a surf tournament pull them under for the last time? AH/AU/non-Canon/ rated M for lemons, language, themes

**The Betty Chronicles** by **Emily Bowden** - There is an exclusive group known as the Cullens who only allow the most seductive of women into their circle. But their training is not what she thought it would be. Rated MA for lemons & adult content. Cannon couples...eventually

**Elementary Education** by **Muse2MyMojo **- New Principal Bella Swan's life is turned upside down when she meets Edward, a sweet sexy first grade she handle a not so elementary education?


	12. Chapter 12 Realize

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight that honor goes to Stephanie Meyer. I only own an imagination and the emotions that have gone into this story.  
First and foremost I want to thank **Prettykittyartist **for all her hard work beta'ing my mess… she must be tired of putting coma, em-dash, period and delete after she is done with my mess.

As always a great big thank you to all the wonderful ladies that keep me motivated and working hard. A special thank you to **mugglemom** that I have neglected to thank for all her hard work pre-reading in the last couple of chapters, and for that I am so sorry honey. i'm random girl was a wonderful pimp this last week and she rec'd this story to all her wonderful readers… giving new readers to this story.

Title for this chapter comes from **Rialize** by: **Colbie Caillat **(Credit for the finding of this one goes to mugglemom) Enjoy.

*****JaD*****

**Chapter 12 – Realize**

EPOV

It had taken almost a month for Bella and me to finally go out on our date. I wanted to take her and Andrew to do something uncommon. When I found out that the State Fair was going to be in town mid-October, I thought it was the best thing to do. I knew that Andrew was still a little young to enjoy it completely, but he was old enough to appreciate the petting zoo, as well as some of the smaller rides. The month leading up to the date, I began talking to Bella a little less then we had been talking before I asked her out. I shrugged it off as both of us being busy. Bella was increasing the frequency in which she went to therapy. I knew things would begin to get harder for her, the closer it got to Andrew's birthday. I just wished that she would allow me in and talk to me the same way she had been doing before I asked her out. I was afraid that I screwed up what we could have been working towards - if I had just kept my mouth shut on her birthday.

She just looked so beautiful and happy; I had not seen her face so lit up in all the time I had known her. The visit from Mr. Roberts worried me, and I knew that I had to take charge of the conversation. I knew clearly that the part that was hardest for her to deal with was the letters. She didn't understand that it was ordered by the judge to cause James Tracker to remember what his actions did to the all lives around him.

Mr. Roberts explained it to us once, when dad sedated Bella after we arrived at the hospital. He explained the reasoning of the judge's orders -if he couldn't give James a harsher sentence with more time in jail because of legal constraints, he was going to do everything in his legal power to punish James. After hearing the reasoning behind it, it was easier to accept. I knew that no one sat down to speak to Bella about it and I hoped that I could explain it to her in time, but for now we had to take things one day at a time with her.

It killed me every day that she would call to tell me about something that Jake would have done. So many times I wanted to ask her out and let her know how I felt for her, and how I was completely enamored with her and her wonderful son. I was so proud of her the day she called to ask me to come and help her clear out his office, or when she called to tell me that she had a break through in therapy. But every time I thought I could ask her she would break down on me, telling me how much she missed him and how hard things have been. I couldn't do anything but be there for her and put my feeling for her aside.

The day of her birthday, she had a look in her eyes that told me she finally wanted more with me. I guess that was why I felt she was ready for me to ask her, finally. I could see it in her eyes, but the weeks prior to the actual date, that look seemed to have tapered off. I understand that she was afraid that she was not ready for something like this and that was why I was trying to go slow.

The day of our date finally arrived, and I told Bella to dress casually. I had not told her what our plans were exactly, but I did tell her to make sure that Andrew dressed in clothes that she wouldn't mind getting dirty. I knew that with all the stuff there was to eat at the fair, it was a possibility that he would get it all over himself. I wanted to make sure that I could take Andrew to the petting zoo and Bella wouldn't freak on me if one of the animals messed up his clothes. I heard that if you weren't careful, the goats could eat your clothes... mainly the shirt bottoms.

When I pulled up to Bella's house I wondered if she'd want to take her car, or if she'd prefer to take mine. I had gone to the police station and had them help me install a car seat in my car just in case. I planned to spend a lot more time with both Bella and Andrew in the future so having a car seat already installed in my car was just a matter of convenience. Emmett had a field day with me the day I told him I had a car seat in my Audi. He said he couldn't fathom having a car seat in my sporty car but I would do just about anything for Bella and her little man. I didn't really care if having the car seat made my car less sporty- as Emmett had implied. All I cared about was getting to spend time with Bella and lil man. I was also very excited to tell her that I had it installed into my car. I was determined to show her how much I wanted to be with them.

I rang the doorbell and was greeted with Bella opening the door dressed in a pair of simple dark blue skinny jeans, and a vintage T-shirt. It made me laugh since it was of Gizmo. I never really saw Bella as a closet geek like me, but I guess she was. Not many people would go through the effort to find that particular shirt. Especially with so many stores carrying vintage T's these days. She dressed Andrew in a pair of black basketball pants, a long sleeved onesie thing -that I had Rose and my mom mention before- a basketball t-shirt, and a zip hoodie with a set of numbers on it also in black. He looked like he was ready to go to a game more than a fair, but absolutely adorable none-the-less. I was going to be proud to walk around the fair with them both in my arms.

Bella asked if we needed to bring anything else after we agreed to go in my car. I told her that we would probably be walking quite a bit, and to bring the umbrella stroller. I didn't particularly like it too much, but it was smaller and easier for those of us who were baby stroller handicapped. I also thought it would be a good idea to bring one of his smaller blankets in case it got cooler -it was October in Seattle after all. I had to laugh when she pulled out the Wizards blanket she had. She explained that Emmett had gotten him the whole thing a few weeks prior and she just couldn't resist dressing him in the outfit now that it actually fit. Of course, you can't dress as a basketball player and not have the blanket to go with it.

When we finally arrived at the fairgrounds, Bella's eyes lit up with so much joy and excitement that I was glad I chose to bring them here.

"Oh Edward, I haven't been to the fair in ages. Thank you," she gushed as she hugged me tightly. I reveled in having her in my arms.

"I thought it would be fun to bring Andrew on our date. I am not sure if he will really enjoy it all, but I read somewhere that children his age enjoy the lights and sounds; it's good stimulation for their senses." She gave me that smile that filled my heart with need and desire.

I went to get us enough tickets to last us the entire day. The way it was set up, you had a choice of buying individual tickets, books, or a wristband. I chose the wristbands for Bella, myself and individual tickets for Andrew. We started off by going to the Carousel and I held Andrew on a little horse, while Bella sat back in the sled behind us. I brought my camera with us, so I asked her to take lots of pictures of him with it. He squealed happily as we went round and round. We then went off to the section that called Kiddieland that contained all different kinds of rides for young children. I stayed with the stroller while Bella took Andrew on a small dragon looking roller coaster.

As I stood around taking pictures of a happy Bella and Andrew, an older woman commented. "You have a beautiful family. Your wife and son seem to be really enjoying themselves. How old is he?"

It took me a moment to compose myself; the thought of Bella and Andrew as my family was overwhelming. I chose not to correct the woman's assumptions - considering that I completely enjoyed the thoughts, and decided to answer her question, "Thank you, yes they are beautiful. Andrew is eleven-months-old." The lady smiled kindly at me and then went back to where she had been standing earlier. I continued taking pictures of 'my family'.

We rode a couple more rides with Andrew, and then headed over to the concession stands. I was getting pretty hungry, and I knew that Bella must have been too because I could hear her stomach growling. She kept trying to play it off as it being upset from the rides, but I knew better. Bella had become a steady eater in the last few months, making sure that she ate at certain times to help her lose the last of the baby fat. Where she had baby fat, I had no clue, but she insisted that it was there. We decided on hotdogs since it was the one thing that Bella was sure lil man would eat. I left Bella and the baby to go get us a couple candy apples and a plate of elephant ears. I mean come on, you can't go to the fair and not have a nice plate of deep fried dough with powdered sugar on top.

"What is that?" Bella asked, pointing at the plate in my hand.

"Elephant ears. Come on Bella, you can't come here and not have it. Consider it dessert," I said in my most innocent voice.

"Edward, I am not going to eat all that grease. Are you crazy?" she laughed.

"Not at all, and I think you should just shut up and enjoy it." I broke off a piece and fed it to her; big mistake, because the instant her mouth wrapped around my fingers, my pants got tight. My mind went to thinking of her lips wrapped around another part of my anatomy- a large, hard part of my anatomy to be exact. I quickly pulled my fingers from her mouth, and tried to ignore the moan of appreciation that came out of her mouth. It was easier said than done, but I thought about Emmett's naked, ass and that helped greatly.

Andrew fell asleep in his stroller shortly after we had our lunch, so Bella and I continued on to the main fairway to play all the silly games. I wanted to try to win Bella, Andrew, or both one of the overpriced, stupid, stuffed toys.I struck out completely at the first one, which was the one that you have to knock down the bottles with the baseballs. I did better at Wack-a-Mole, winning a small stuffed dog for Andrew. I guess it helped that I was full of aggression after losing at the previous game. Bella ended up winning Andrew a blow-up baseball bat to put in his room. Soon after that, we left to head home. Bella decided she wanted to stop and pick up a pizza since she was worn out from the day of walking through the fair. So, we ordered it ahead of time, and pick it up before we got to her house.

The lil man woke up on our way back to the house with the pizza, so I played with him for a while as Bella got his things ready to feed him dinner. She decided not to give him any pizza and make him one of his baby dinners. Her reasoning was that because lunch was mostly unhealthy and did not contain any veggies, she wanted to give him something healthier for dinner. She knew best, so who was I to disagree with her, even if I did think the pizza would have been fine sine it contained veggies in the tomato sauce. Once she was ready, I helped her strap him onto his high chair while she placed plates for us at the table. We enjoyed our dinner with easy conversation.

After dinner and some play time with Andrew, I helped Bella put him to bed. It was such a wonderful feeling spending time together as if we were a real family. The words from the older lady in the afternoon filtered through my mind once more. I chose to end the night at that point because I didn't trust myself to say something I shouldn't, or something that would scare Bella saying to soon.

As she walked me to the door, I took a hold of her hand, squeezing it softly. I just had the need to hold her, feel her, and feel the warmth and softness of her skin on my own. Once we finally arrived at the door, I leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her pouty, rosy, lips. I tried putting as many of my feelings into the as I could kiss; feelings that I wouldn't be able to tell her for fear of her retreating back into the shell she had around her. If I have known what awaited me over the next month, I would have deepened the kiss and claimed it fully mine.

*****JaD*****

The next time I saw Bella was the day of Andrew's birthday. My heart broke seeing her so close and open with the others, but holding back from me. I was afraid that the kiss we shared pushed her back to where we were before I asked her out. She avoided me all month, with only two phone calls, where she was cold, and distant.

When she hugged me, I froze not knowing if she was just doing it out of politeness, or desire. Then she looked down, hiding herself from me, which nearly broke my heart into a million pieces. Did she think I was not open to hugging her and having her in my arms? Did she really think that I didn't want her? I was the one that had been feeling rejected by her actions, like I wasn't wanted; I always wanted her. I wanted to show her how much, so I asked. When she said that she was feeling bad for how the last month had gone, I wanted to yell at her and tell her that yes, it had been hard, but I would do it again if it meant that she was better. I knew how hard this day was for her. I felt it in her stiffness and I could see it in her eyes. They were muted, sad, and struggling to deal day to day. I hoped that seeing Michelle was helping her- I hoped that taking the time away from her was worth it. When she finally explained to me why she avoided me the way she had, it was like a being stabbed in the heart, and I berated myself for pushing and making her feel guilty. She had nothing to be guilty for, it was me… all me.

I told her as much when I told her that I would go at her pace. Then I bent down and kissed her soft lips again, just because I couldn't help myself… I needed to feel them. It was like a man who tasted the sweetest fruit and then had to wait years to try it again; I was a starved man for her. I could feel that she was beginning to get into the kiss as well when my parents walked in to the kitchen with lil man.

I quickly grabbed him into my arms and swung him around, enjoying the sound of him squealing in delight. That was until my mother reprimanded me for my actions, but I didn't care. I loved that boy like he was my own son and I only wanted to hear him laughing and enjoying his birthday. The day passed so much faster than I would have liked, it felt like I didn't get to spend enough time with Andrew.

"You're in love with them, aren't you?" I heard a voice say behind me while I was watching Andrew play in the maze in the pizza restaurant with the God-awful rat.

"Yes, mom, I am completely and irrecoverably in love with them both," I said with a sigh. I really was completely enamored and couldn't deny it to myself or anyone else.

"Have you told her yet?" my mother inquired.

"How can I, mother? She is still not over her loss." I know the pain and defeat was evident in my voice.

"I don't know about that, Edward. I saw the way she was looking at you while you played with Andrew at the park today; how she looks at you when she thinks no one is looking at her," my mom said in her all knowing voice. She patted me on the back and walked back over to the table to help Rose with the small cake they brought to sing happy birthday to Andrew. The big party with all his friends and family was not until the weekend, but Rose thought it would be wrong to not rightfully acknowledge his day with a small cake.

We finally left and headed home, but I couldn't stop thinking about what my mother said. So, I once again jumped into my Audi and headed to the one place I wanted to be. I first stopped to pick up Bella's favorite sushi- at the place that was close to her house. I picked up some sashimi for us, along with a Volcano Roll and a Rainbow Roll for us to share.

I knocked on her door and waited impatiently for her to open the door for me. The shock that was present on her face when she opened the door was more than priceless.

"Edward?" The surprise of my impromptu visit laced her voice.

"I needed to see you again. I wanted to talk to you without everyone around, I hope that is ok?" I asked nervously. I had chosen to tell her the extent of my feelings on the way over- damn the consequences. Either she would accept me, or she would reject me, but I needed an answer once and for all.

"Of course, Edward. Come in, please," She allowed me to pass into the house. I walked straight to the kitchen and put the food on the counter. Bella walked in behind me to grab plates and I stopped her, seeing as we could just eat out of the containers. "I brought sushi; we aren't going to need the plates, pretty girl."

She blushed that pretty pink color before sitting down with Andrews's plate of hotdogs in hand. "Thank you for the sushi, Edward."

I just squeezed her hand, showing her that I would do anything for her and always be around to encourage her.

A little man clapping happily interrupted our moment. "Ewar... my Ewar... play Ewar?" His little babbles were becoming more coherent and understandable each day.

"Yeah, little man, Edward will play with you later. Okay... can I talk to Mommy now?" I asked him slowly so that he could understand me and not get confused with all my big words. He just nodded his little head and went back to eating his dinner happily.

"Bella, I really want to talk to you, but I need you to stay quiet and listen until I am done with what I want to say first. Could you do that?" I asked hesitantly.

Bella nodded her head, but gave me a hesitant look. I grabbed her hand once again, before I took a breath to prepare myself before starting.

"Bella, I know the past year has been the hardest one of your life, you have been through so much. I admire your strength and ability to keep going after everything you've had to deal with. With that said, I need to tell you that I have fallen completely, and irrecoverably in love with you and this little boy," I said looking over at lil man. He smiled at me giving me his toothy smile and went back to eating his little pieces of Cheetos. When I looked back over at Bella, I got a bit worried. Her expression was pretty blank, but her face had lost a bit of color, too, so I quickly continued. "Pretty girl, I know you need time and it's still too soon for you, but please let me be here for both of you. Let me show you how much I care for you and that I want to make both of you happy. I am sure that Jake would want you both to be happy."

Once I finished, I sat quietly for a moment, giving Bella the time that I was sure she needed to process everything I had just told her. After almost a full minute of her silence, I began to worry that she was going to tell me that she couldn't handle it, and then never speak to me again unless it was absolutely necessary.

"Edward, I don't know what to say, really. This is hard; this year has been so difficult. I have feeling for you, too, but I don't know if I can love again." She took a breath, and in that moment, my heart was crushed. I had opened myself up to her and she was telling me that she could never feel the same way about me.

"But, I want to try again... I want to see if I can open myself, and my heart, to someone else once more. You were right. Jake would have hated me not giving Andrew and myself a chance to have happiness in our lives. So, if you are willing to be patient with me, and understand that I will have my setbacks- especially on days like today, or next month when Jake's anniversary hits, then I would like to try to see if we can build a future together." She tentatively smiled at me, and I could feel the overwhelming joy build in my heart.

"Absolutely, Bella, I will be as patient as you need me to be. Also, I hope that you allow me to help you through these difficult days. Maybe even go with you to see Michelle, so that she can help me by showing me what I need to do for you." I inched closer and closer to her as I spoke. I needed to bring her into my arms- I needed to give her kisses and lavish her with the love I have for her.

By the time I was done with my words, I was close enough that I grabbed her into my arms and kissed her soundly. I did not hold back; I ravished her mouth with my own, making my desire for her evident. Our kiss did not last as long as I would've liked, because Andrew decided he wanted to remind us at that moment that he was in the room.

"Ewar... Mama..." was all he got out before he dissolved into a fit of happy giggles. I had the feeling that Andrew wanted this as much as I did.

"Yeah, lil man. I get to be with you and your mama more often now," I said to him with my wide smile.

The night didn't last much longer after that. I played with Andrew as I had promised him, then I helped Bella put him to bed. After putting him to bed, Bella and I made plans to go out the day after Andrews's party on a solo date. I offered to have my parents take care of Andrew while Bella and I were on our date. I knew my mom wouldn't mind at all, she loved that little boy just as much as the rest of us did. I gave Bella another kiss, but this was one long, sensual, and full of the passion I had for her.

Once I got to my car, I could not contain my joy any longer and I laughed, screamed, and hit the steering wheel in a happy manner. I contemplated calling Emmett to tell him, but settled on calling my mother instead. I did have to ask her to baby sit Andrew after all.

My mother picked up on the second ring, "Edward honey, is everything okay?"

"No, mom, they are not okay… they are fantastic," I practically yelled into the phone.

"What's going on, baby?" she asked with enthusiasm, reflecting the happiness I was feeling.

"I told Bella how I felt tonight... she agreed to allow us to grow into a relationship. Mom, she fucking said she would go out with me again. Can you believe that?" I felt slightly bad for cursing on the phone with my mother but was too over joyed to really notice it until it was too late.

"Oh, Edward, that is wonderful. I am so happy for you baby." I guess she was ignoring my slip as well; thank Christ for that. I really didn't want to get yelled at by my mother for cursing when I was feeling so good.

"That's not the only reason I called you though, Mom... I need a favor. I wanted to know if you would mind watching Andrew for Bella so we can go on a proper solo date." I figured it'd be best to just go ahead and ask her upfront.

"Of course, baby. Just let me know when, ok?" she said.

I gave her the details of when I planned to go out with Bella again, and then ended the call. I was driving after all, and didn't need the extra distraction- my mind was distracted enough.

*****JaD*****

The rest of the week passed quickly. We had Andrews party and everyone had a wonderful time, including all the kids from the churches daycare. Bella and I went on our date the next night, while my parents stayed at Bella's with little Andrew. She looked so beautiful in her purple satin dress. It had pleats around the waist, and a v-neck that just gave enough to hint at a cleavage, but not to show anything off. It was quite sexy, but conservative at the same time, and totally Bella. I took her to a romantic dinner on a private boat on the Puget Sound. I wanted to woo her completely. I had the waiters place soft scented candles throughout the entire room, giving it a romantic feel. Soft music streamed through the speakers on the deck. I took Bella into my arms and swayed softly with her as we danced. At the end of the night, I dropped her off at home and kissed her soft lips just as I had before. It was getting harder and harder to stop myself from deepening the kiss to being inappropriate, but I kept reminding myself that she was not ready for more than that- especially not in the month ahead. It was going to be one of the hardest, and I prayed -for the first time in years- that she wouldn't shut down on me again.

*****JaD*****

**AN: **This chapter didn't seem to want to write itself, it took me quite a while to get the thoughts from my head onto paper in a way that it made sense. It would not have been at all possible without the help of busymommy who stayed up until 4:30 in the morning WCing with me Friday night.

Oh I have gotten a wonderful person to teach me how to use blogger so I now have a blog… link is on my profile… go check it out, I am posting pictures and teasers on it. (Thanks to bnjwl for all her help)

Special shout-out to **Carolyn Cullen78** for being my 50th – 53rd reviewer.

There was more that I wanted to write, but my brain is fried now and can't remember.

**Recs of the week: again my brain is fried so if I rec'd one of these before please forgive me.**

This story just started… but I love this writer and just have to rec her new story… **Rabbit Heart **by:** Kitsushel - **When a stalker gets too close to rockstar Izzy Dwyer, she makes a choice that brings her back to her hometown and leads her on a journey full of new love and friendships

**Unplanned Perfection** by: **littlecat358** - Bella and Alice were best friends, which made Bella the only girl off limits to Alice's brother Edward. When a party the summer after graduation gets out of control, Bella's world is turned upside down. "He doesn't know. I don't want him to."

**The Arranged Marriage** by: **Shasta53** - After years of surviving in her arranged marriage, Bella hears some news that shatters all of her hopes and dreams. Can she and Edward discover what it means to be together after all? Set in the modern day. ExB


	13. Chapter 13 September

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight that honor goes to Stephanie Meyer. I only own an imagination and the emotions that have gone into this story. 

First and foremost I want to thank **Prettykittyartist **for all her hard work beta'ing my mess… she must be tired of putting coma, em-dash, period and delete after she is done with my mess. Secondly I need to thank **mugglemom** for her pre-reading before I got too excited and sent it to the beta before she was done.

I cried writing some of this so a tissue warning may or may not be needed, but I put it in just in case.

Title for this chapter comes from **September** by: **Daughtry**

**Chapter 13 - September **

*****JaD*****

I called Michelle the day after Andrew's birthday to tell her about the conversation I had with Edward, and she told me that we should make an appointment for the day following the date. So, that is how I found myself once again in Michelle's office. She explained that she did not want me to shut him out once again, so the best way of doing that was talking it out with Michelle.

"So, tell me how the date went, Bella?" Michelle asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"It was so sweet and romantic, Michelle. He took me out for dinner, but not just any dinner, it was a romantic dinner on a private boat in the Puget Sound. He had it all set up so nicely; I couldn't believe he went through all that trouble just for me. He took me into his arms to dance to the romantic, soft music that had been spilling out of the speakers of the room. It felt so wonderful being in his arms, being held tightly by him. I could feel the love that was pouring out of his whole being. I can't believe I resisted for so long. I know things still need to go slow, and I am still trying to get a hold of everything I have been feeling since the loss of Jake. The next few weeks leading up to the anniversary are going to be hard, but I can already feel that with Edward by my side, I will be able to do it I said, gushing a bit like a schoolgirl talking about her first date.

"You sound confident. Is that just an act, or are you truly dealing with these feelings honestly? Remember, you're not the only one you hurt in the end. It sounds like Edward's feelings are fully invested in this relationship, also," Michelle advised.

"I am confident, Michelle," I said with conviction. "The moment Edward showed up at my doorstep the day of Andrew's birthday and he expressed his feelings to me, I knew that I had deeper feelings for him than I was letting on. Don't get me wrong, I am scared out of my mind that something is going to happen, but I also know that Jake wouldn't have wanted me to stay alone forever, and that Andrew deserves the chance to have a normal life. Edward is that chance - he loves Andrew so much. I see it in the way he acts around him and if I didn't know better, I would think that he feels like he is Andrew's father," I revealed.

"Okay, good. Now, I want to touch on something I have been leaving out for a while now. How is your dream journal writing doing?" she asked, with her fingers furiously writing in her note pad. She usually kept notes of the important points of our sessions so that she would know where to start the next time.

I groaned, not really wanting to talk about it, but I knew Michelle well enough to know that she would not let me get away with not talking about it. "They have been strange lately, to be honest. The dreams start off with Jake, but end up merging into Edward."

"So, tell me about one of them, and tell me how you feel during them," she demanded. There was no way out of this and I knew it, I also knew why she did it and why it was so important.

So I began, "We were back at First Beach again. I look over to find a table with candles sitting in the middle of a heart outlined in the sand. Two solitary, tall candles are all that light the area and I am wearing a white dress, but it doesn't look like my wedding dress, which I find a bit odd. Jake is wearing a white Guayabera. The rest of the meal is non-descript, or do I even remember it. All I know is that we are soon lying in the sand kissing, hands roaming all over each other bodies and I don't know… at what point, I have lost my dress but I am now in only a pair of worn jeans, and shirtless. Jake is also in a ripped pair of jeans and no shirt. When I come up to catch a breath and start kissing down his neck, it is no longer Jake that I am laying on, but Edward. His hands are all over my ass, caressing, grabbing, and pushing me closer to his hard erection. I was moaning and groaning like a floozy, but even though I knew it was Edward, I couldn't stop myself, or think to care. All I knew was that I wanted him; I wanted him to touch me, to make me his, to ravage my body the way no one had in over a year. I wanted to keep kissing down his neck and down his body to places my mouth had never been. I could not understand why I had this need. All I know is that we never ended up doing anything because Andrew awoke just as I was starting to remove Edwards's pants, and that I found myself feeling needy and grouchy," I said, recalling the dream I had the night before. It was the kind of kiss that I had only shared with Jake when we were getting ready to have sex. It was not chaste at all -it was filled with passion and intensity. I wondered what he could do to my body if he could do that to me with just one kiss.

"Bella, you're quite flushed, is everything okay?" Michelle asked with that knowing tone, like she knew how my body was reacting from just the memory of the kiss.

I waved my hand dismissively, "Yeah everything is fine, Michelle. I guess I am still, having a physical reaction to the dream." No way was I going to admit to that her it was not to the dream, but to the memory of the kiss.

She accepted that as an answer, and we spoke for a little longer. She told me that it was perfectly safe and normal to have the kind of dream I had, and it showed that I was truly beginning to heal and move on. By the time I left Michelle's office, I was feeling better about myself and the decision I had made to date Edward.

*****JaD*****

The weeks following passed quite quickly with more dates, most of them including Andrew. Edward loved to spend time with my son, almost as much as he enjoyed spending time with me. I teased him one night, telling him that he was only dating me so that he could spend time with Andrew. His answering remark was that I was just an added bonus to dating Andrew.

Before I knew it, the date of Jacob's anniversary arrived. I'd made a promise to myself and Billy that I would go to La Push and Forks for the tribe ceremony. Edward offered to join us. Because of the nature of the tribe's rules, I made sure that Billy was going to be all right with Edward being there. He assured me that it was fine, and had cleared it with the others. I'd been honest with Billy when I started dating Edward, and his response was that he loved me as a daughter and all he wanted was to see me happy.

"Bella, as much as I love my son, he is no longer a part of this world. He has gone and he would never have wanted you to be alone forever. Please don't worry about me or what the girls will think. We all know you're a beautiful young lady who lost her husband and needs to continue her life," Billy said over the phone when I called him to tell him when we would be arriving.

The day before Jake's anniversary, Edward, Andrew, and myself jumped into my car. Even though Edward installed the car seat into his car; mine was full of all the other things I would need for Andrew, so it was just easier to take mine. I let Edward drive because I honestly didn't think I would be able to concentrate enough to be safe on the roads. It being December, there was a light sheen of ice on the roads and I preferred to be safe.

We arrived in Forks a little less than three and a half hours later. We were spending the night at my dad's, and heading over to Billy's first thing in the morning. I was slightly nervous about going to First Beach with Edward, but he constantly assured me that he would gladly stay behind if that was what I wanted.

"Edward, I don't know how to tell you this, other than being honest with you, and telling you that I couldn't do this if you weren't here with me. This is the first anniversary, and it has been such an emotionally charged year that I selfishly need you," I explained, for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Bella, baby, I just want to make sure that I am not in your way. This is something that you should be able to do alone if you wanted to. I don't want to pressure you, or impose in any way," He kissed my forehead as he finished his statement.

That was the moment that I realized that I really loved Edward and wouldn't be able to do any of this without his love and support. I realized at that moment how much I depended, and leaned on him, but instead of feeling bad or wrong about it, I felt stronger and supported.

I got up on my tiptoes, wrapped my arms around Edward's neck and said," I love you," in a whispered voice. I was afraid to say it any louder—afraid it would lose it's appeal.

Edward took a deep breath of surprise and attacked my lips with a new ferocity. His emotions and desires were so clear in the kiss. "I love you, too, Bella, so much." He continued his attack on my lips and began to descend down to my neck. "I can't imagine my life without you in it. I don't know what I did before you and Andrew came into it." I could feel the desire build in my body the longer he kissed me. I am not quite sure, but I think I moaned when he began to lightly nip at the area where my shoulder and neck met.

We were brought out of our lust-filled moment when we heard my dad and Andrew making their way up the stairs.

"Bells, time to go to First Beach, are you and Edward ready to go?" my dad asked, stopping before he entered my old room. The three of us were sharing the room. Even though all Edward and I did was sleep in the bed, it still felt a bit awkward to share a bed with someone other than my husband. Charlie said that I was a grown woman who already had a child and should not need to sleep separately from my boyfriend.

"Yeah. Dad, we will be out in a second. I need to just grab my jacket," I answered back.

"Okay, I will get Andrew strapped into his car seat," Dad said before I heard him walk back down the stairs.

I looked up into Edwards face-splitting grin. "You ready to go, baby?" he asked, grabbing my hand and jacket. All I did was nod my head and walk behind him out the door.

The drive to First Beach was not long at all; we arrived in about 15 minutes. In that time span though, my mind and emotions drifted of to what this day actually meant. My guilt over loving Edward began to creep in, and I think that Edward noticed it. Instead of letting me dwell in it though, he tried to show me that there was nothing to feel badly about. He would smile at me, or hold my hand. That was the great thing about Edward -he had gotten to know me so well in the last few months that I hardly even had to say anything. He knew exactly what I was feeling and what I needed to feel better. I looked over at him and smiled before exiting the car and unstrapping Andrew. My dad came in his cruiser, since he had to head to work after the ceremony.

It had not only been Jake's request, but, also a Quileute tribe ceremony. Most of it was secret ,but as Jake's widow, and mother of a half member of the tribe, I was allowed to participate in the ceremony. Billy requested that an exception be made for my family to be allowed to stay as well, which included Edward. It went against tribe tradition to be cremated, but that was the one thing that Jake specified he wanted done. He said that his body no longer mattered since his soul would already be up in heaven with his heavenly father. At first, the tribe members were upset that he would go against his traditions, but eventually, they accepted his Christian beliefs. So, a comprise had been reached; we would wait a year, and then send his ashes into the ocean as tribe ceremony dictated. Normally, they would have done it with his body, but they settled on using his ashes.

I walked with Edward, Andrew, and my dad down to the edge of the beach where Billy and the rest of the tribe where waiting. I brought Jake's ashes with me in a bag. Part of me felt sad about letting go of his ashes, to lose him completely from my life, but another part knew I needed to do this to go on with my life. We made it over to Billy in just a few minutes and he took Andrew into his arms and began to gain attention by telling the legands of the tribe.

"Your daddy used to love hearing our tribe's traditions, even if he chose to live his life differently. He chose to live as a Christian, just like his momma; she was such a beautiful woman, even if she was not a member of this tribe, she was loved by all the elders. She captured their hearts, just as you have done." I heard Billy telling Andrew as I walked closer to the water.

Edward made an attempt to follow me, but I silently held up my hand to stop him. I needed a moment to talk to Jacob alone. I needed time to cry these feelings out, to tell him that I would always love him and take him with me in my heart. I needed to let the words and feeling be taken to him in the waves. I knew that the significance of the beach in my dreams all this time had a lot to do with my subconscious knowing this day was coming.

"Hi, Jake. I miss you. I hope you see how big Andrew has gotten. He reminds me so much of you sometimes. He seems to already have an affinity to cars. I catch him looking at his toy cars as if he were trying to see how they are made. I see him flipping them upside down, or poking at them with his finger. Those are some of the hardest moments for me -the moments I'm reminded that you won't be around to show him how to change the oil on a car, or what kind of car would get better gas mileage." I took a deep breath, feeling the tears leak from my eyes. "It has been a hard year not having you here with me, losing you the way that we did, and having to go through the trial and face James and what he did It's been hard to cope with the way he took you from our lives and how he didn't seem to care that his actions affected so many. I also spent a large part of that year numb and not dealing with my feelings. I know you would not have liked that at all, and I am sorry. It was the only way I could think to survive. I'm scared; I have fallen in love again. I feel guilty that I could let another man into my heart after you. Everyone tells me that it's okay, and that it's something I should be doing. I pray each night that you are not hurting because of my choices. I pray that the Lord will help me heal and get past these feelings. It's been so hard to keep my faith; so many times I want to scream at God for taking you out of Andrew's life. Only the thing is, that then Edward will do something, or I am reminded that he is now in our lives and I have to accept that he would not be in our lives if it had not been for you dying-which again brings on the guilt. It's wrong that I am happy about that. I'm so confused some days, and I hope that you are okay with what is going on in our lives. Andrew will always know about you, I will always tell him of what an amazing person his father was, how he made me happy, and how he was the sunshine in my life for so long. I will make sure to raise him the way that you would've if we were doing this together. Forgive me, Jacob, but it's time that I say goodbye. I will always love you." With those final words, I threw the prom picture of Jake and me into the dark ocean waters. No one knew I had that picture in the pocket of my coat. It was the picture of our official first date. It was my own way of letting go of the past, and prepare myself for the future.

*****JaD*****

The ceremony was officiated by Billy since he was technically the head of the tribe. Also the fact that he was the father of the deceased made it more significant. The words that were spoken carried a special feeling to each person gathered around us. Edward held my hand and showed me his support. Billy continued to hold on to Andrew as if this was his whole reason for being; which it probably was. My father stood behind Billy, lending him a supportive hand on his shoulders. I also noticed that Sue Clearwater was standing next to my father, closer than someone who was just a friend. I had a feeling that there was something going on between them. Sue's husband Harry had been one of Charlie's best friends. He died of a heart attack right after Jake's and my wedding. I guess in the four years since his passing, my father and Sue had become close. I hoped that this meant happiness for my father -he has been alone for too long.

When signaled by Billy I handed him the urn with Jake's ashes, which he proceeded to open. Grabbing a small handful, he threw it up in the air. "As our ancestors before us, I set your spirit free to go in the wind." Then, he grabbed another hand full and threw that one into the fire pit that had been burning from the beginning. "May the heat of this fire keep the spirits of evil from getting close to your pureness." The next handful was taken by Rachel, since Billy would not be able to do the next part. "May the essence of your life always be attached to Mother Earth to help you continue to provide for future generations." Lastly, I grabbed the final handful of ashes -I told Billy from the beginning that I wanted to do this final part- throwing the ashes into the ocean, just as I'd done with the picture. "May the ocean take with it the pain and sorrow felt by all that loved you."

"Using the four elements of life and nature; wind, fire, earth, and water, we are giving the spirit of Jacob Ephraim Black back to the spirits of our ancestors," Billy said, concluding the release ceremony. I looked up to see many somber faces and tears pouring out of members of the tribe. The faces of Billy and Rachel were sad, but that of acceptance… I'm sure they reflected my own face. We'd had a year to deal with the loss. We'd originally said good bye to him the day of the funeral at the church, so this ceremony release was one of tradition and final release -at least it was for me.

Edward walked me back to the car after everyone began to disperse. "You have been awfully quiet, is everything alright?" he inquired when we reach the car.

I put Andrew into his car seat before I answered him, "It was hard, I'm not going to lie, but I know it was something that needed to be done. I am ready to put the past and pain behind me. I will never forget him, and he will always be special to me. He gave me a son to remember him by, but I want to go on."

Edward beamed at me, "You don't know how happy those words make me." He claimed my lips in a passionate kiss.

"I love you," he said in a soft whisper against my lips.

"I love you too," I answered back when he finally let my lips go.

I got into the car soon after. We were going to drop Andrew off with Billy for a few hours so that I could give Edward the tour of the town in which I spent the later years of high school in.

We went around to the high school and I told Edward about prom and all the friends that I had made in those two years. I laughed at the stories I remembered of Lauren and Tyler- the antics and innocent trouble we got ourselves into. I took him to the diner where my dad and I would have lunch once a week. We visited the area behind my dad's house that I would go and sit to read or think when I was upset about something. I avoided all the places where Jake and I would go on dates because honestly, it just didn't feel proper to take Edward to them. They were now places that would forever stay in my memories as special.

Before we knew it, we were picking up Andrew and preparing to go back to Seattle. I loved Forks, but after this trip, I knew I would not visit as often anymore. I felt a peace settle over me… an acceptance. I think it was the final step I needed to get over the loss of my husband.

*****JaD*****

The weeks that followed passed so fast that I could not believe we were getting ready to go to Esme and Carlisle's home to celebrate Christmas. They invited Alice and Jasper to join the festivities at their home as well.

"How could I not invite your sister and her husband Bella," Esme stated when I told her that it was not necessary.

"But you have no obligation to my family to invite them, Esme," I tried to protest.

'Nonsense, she is your sister and a very good friend of Rosalie's. She is as much a part of this family now as you are," she dismissed.

We sat around the table having a wonderful dinner cooked entirely by Esme- she refused any help we tried to give her, the only thing she allowed us to bring was desert- when Emmett stood up from his seat.

Looking over at his wife with a bright smile on his face, he said he had an announcement to make.

"What is it son?" Carlisle asked him.

"Well, I want to start off by saying, Bella, thank you. Without you being there for us when we most needed, we wouldn't have known what faith and hope could bring us," Emmett started.

Grabbing Rosalie's hand, he continued, "Rose and I would like to announce that we found out this week that Rosie is pregnant."

"Oh! Emmett, that is wonderful news," Esme said, tears of joy falling down her eyes.

Congratulations and hugs were given to the happy family. I was so thankful that God had blessed them with such a big miracle.

*****JaD*****

**AN:** I am entering a few anonymous contests so I hope you go out and check out all the great stories that are being entered. So here is the first one… www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net / ~ quickiecontest

And the other one is… www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net / u / 2752317 / EdwardGetsFicd_Contest

Secondly I am happy to say that I am pre-reading for quite a number of great stories that are just getting started and some that have a great following already I will give you more information on those stories with the next update.

I don't think there is much left of this story… So I only predict about 2-3 more chapters… but there are no guarantees seeing as sometimes my imagination runs ramped.

Pictures to Bella's dream are available on my blog come follow me oneofeddiesgirls(dot)blogspot(dot)com.

Sorry no rec's this week because I wanted to get the chapter out to you all… but I have been caught up by some great stories… FAP by 107yearoldvirgin, Fold Your Wings by Jadalulu, and Cullen home for unwed mothers by insertfangshere… so go run read and enjoy.


	14. Chapter 14 Where I stood

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight that honor goes to Stephanie Meyer. I only own an imagination and the emotions that have gone into this story. 

I want to thank **Prettykittyartist** for beta all her work. She has the task of keeping all my punctuations in line and fixing what my brain starts to write without my permission.

A big thank you to Edwards Love, Stillwater, Nails233 and Busymommy for all their help and support, also for keeping me motivated to get this chapter done when I wasn't feeling up to doing anything.

Thank you to all who read/ rec/ alert/ fav and review.

I'm sorry for the delay in this chapter, RL got in the way. Not much else I can say.

Title for this chapter comes from **Where I Stood** by: **Missy Higgins (this song was brought to my attention by a very good friend, who I will no longer get to talk to… I miss you sugar)**

*****JaD*****

**Chapter 14 - Where I Stood**

I couldn't believe it'd been three months since Christmas. Time seemed to be flying by. I was sitting at my desk working on some codes for a new game we were working on when Emmett called.

"Hey, E, I'm going to be late. Rosie is having a lot of trouble with morning sickness today and needs my help to get back to bed."

"No problem, Em, I'm sorry she is feeling so ill," I told him.

"Thanks, bro. I will be there as soon as I can. I promise." I knew he felt guilty for all the time he was missing since they found out about the baby.

"Okay, well I will see you as soon as you can." We hung up and I went back to doing what I was working on.

The memory of the conversation I had with Emmett about the baby lingering in the back of my mind. I still couldn't believe how they ended up pregnant and frankly, I had been a little hurt that they wouldn't ask me for another donation- that was until Emmett explained everything to me.

It was a few days after Christmas, and we'd just finished a conference call with a new customer when Emmett's phone beeped with a message from Rosalie.

"I have a feeling that this pregnancy is going to be harder than the last. When Rose was pregnant with Noemi, she had no cravings at all. With this one, she is craving already, and at the same time, the morning sickness is brutal," he half whined.

I ventured to ask him about it since he started the conversation, "Hey, Em, why didn't you tell me that you and Rose were looking into insemination again?"

"We weren't," he stated with a strange look in his eyes before going on. "This baby is a complete miracle. The baby is mine, Ed. At first I was so scared that Rosie cheated on me. When we first found out, I accused her and we fought for two days because of it. When we finally went to the doctor's office, I asked him if it were possible for the baby to be mine. He told me, 'Mr. Cullen, it is very possible that this baby is yours. Remember last time I explained that the cause of your low sperm count was unclear. It is very possible that the cause has cleared itself, and a simple test can determine that.' So, that is what I did. I went into the back office, did my business, and turned the filled cup in at the desk. About an hour later, the doctor walked in and told us that my sperm count had not only risen, but was higher than it should have been. Guess my little guys just wanted to make up for the lack of count before with a vengeance." Emmett chuckled at his own lame comment.

"Did they tell you what the possible cause was then?" I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me. _Never know when I want to make sure I don't have the same thing happen to me,_ I thought.

"Yeah, he said that it was possible that all the changes I've made prior to trying for Noemi -and failing- helped increase the count, but the most likely of culprits was all the stress I was putting on myself to even conceive. So, add the tighty whities I used to wear, the eager sexual appetite, and the excessive heat that I maintained, just complicated everything. "Winter helps keep my body temperature low, I have switched to boxers, and after Noemi, Rosie and I went some time without doing anything. We stopped, not only to let her body heal, but the sadness was too much for us to deal with some days. Finally, we weren't trying to conceive so there was no pressure there. All of this led to our miracle, well, that and Bella introducing us to the church and her faith." He gave me a hesitant smile. He know that I still had issues with the whole church thing, but after speaking to Bella and spending so much time with her, it was getting easier to accept the concept of God and Jesus.

My girlfriend was amazing. She knew how I felt about all of it... and yet, she never pushed me into trying to accept it. She respected my lack of faith, and I her need for it, even though I hadn't seen her spend too much time with church since the trial. She explained that it was not completely due to lack of faith, but lack of motivation to get out of bed most days. That comment worried me at first, but then she assured me that since we declared our love for each other it was better.

"Your girlfriend is an amazing person, bro, but Rosie and I were talking, and do you think she would be okay with us giving the baby the middle name of Jacob if it's a boy?" My brother's comment brought me out of my thoughts.

Thinking over his question, I wondered if she would have a problem with it. I didn't think so, but at the same time it was really a subject we didn't talk much about. Apart of acknowledging the obvious things, we avoided it. Let me rephrase myself, I avoided it. I didn't want to live in the shadow of that man. Could you blame me, I was a man after all.

So, with those thoughts, I answered my brother. "To be completely honest with you, Em, I don't know. Jake is a subject I don't bring up with her too much. Aside from the trip to Forks for his anniversary ceremony, Jake doesn't come up."

"No, I get it bro, I wouldn't want to bring up another man with my girlfriend either. Especially if I'm trying to get Lucky," he said with a smirk.

"Fuck you, Em. My relationship with Bella doesn't have to be physical to be wonderful," I defended.

"Yeah? Has your dick fallen off yet, or has it turned into a vagina?" Emmett was purposely trying to irk me. I could tell by the tone in his voice while making the suggestion.

"No, you ass, I want to make it very special the first time I'm with her like that. And having the little man in the house is not an option, so if that makes me a pussy so be it." I said finally hoping to end the conversation.

My tone must have hinted that I didn't want to talk about it anymore because he quickly dropped it and got started on his work. The rest of the day went by quietly. Since I'd made plans with Bella for that evening, I wondered if it would be too forward of me to ask her about our relationship becoming a little more physical. Don't get me wrong, our relationship had become a lot more intense since we had gotten back from Forks, but my dick was begging me for some attention from something other than my own hand.

I was shaken from my memories by the phone. "E & E Developing, how can I help you?"

"Well, isn't that the sexiest introduction I have ever heard," crooned the voice of my hot girlfriend. Just the sound of her voice, and the thoughts I had running through my head a few minutes prior had me hard. Pushing thoughts of what I wanted to do to her to the back of my mind, I concentrated on talking to the woman I loved.

"Hey, baby. To what do I owe the pleasure of your phone call?"

"I wanted to see if you were going to be free for a date with me tonight?" There was something in her voice that I couldn't quite place, but she sounded odd.

"Of course, my love. Do you want to go to dinner? Did you have something in particular in mind that you wanted to do?" I asked her.

"I have something in mind, baby, just pick me up as soon as your done at work." the smile was evident in the ease of her tone.

"Perfect, baby. I will see you later, I will call you before I head out. Oh, by the way, why did you call me on the business line and not my cell?" My curiosity as to why she was using the other phone and not my cell made it impossible to let it go.

"Oh... um... you... um... you left your cell here this morning." I could just picture the blush rushing to her cheeks. We may have not slept together in a sexual manner, but we'd been sleeping and just holding each other most nights.

Chuckling at her shyness, I said "It's okay, baby, we haven't done anything to be shy over." _Yet_, I added in my mind. "I hadn't even noticed that I didn't have it on me. Thank you for calling to tell me, baby," I said just before we said our goodbyes.

I concentrated as much as possible on my work for the rest of the day. I wanted to be able to get a shower and out to Bella's house as early as possible. I missed my girl and her son. I hadn't been able to play with Andrew much since I'd been getting to Bella's so close to his bedtime.

*****JaD*****

When it was time to head over to Bella's, I saw that Emmett was still busy working at his desk.

"Heading over to Bella's?" he inquired.

"Yeah," I answered simply.

"Damn, bro, pussy whipped already without even tasting the pussy. I don't want to know what it will be like once you do," he said, chuckling at his own stupid comment.

"Fuck you, Em, I love my girlfriend. Nothing wrong with me being anxious to go see her," I defended my actions

Yeah, sure, bro. Night, see you in the morning," Em said, shaking his head.

Without giving my brother anymore of my attention, I walked out to my car to go see my sexy girl. I wondered what she had in mind for tonight. We saw each other every night- even if only for a few minutes. Dates were normally set up for the weekend, and since it was Monday, it threw me for a loop.

With those thoughts in mind, I made the drive to Bella's in less time than normal. She only lived ten minutes away, but still, this was one of those days that it felt like it was forty-five minutes. I felt, anxious and didn't know why. The tone from her phone call that morning, and when I called her to let her know I was getting ready to head over made my mind crazy with nerves.

I pulled up to the house and saw Alice's car pulling away from the driveway. She was heading in the opposite direction as I was coming from. I pull into the driveway behind Bella's car, got out, and went to knock on the door. I didn't even get a chance to lift my hand when it was swung open by Bella. A look of worry etched all over her face, which made me scared.

"Baby? Is everything all right? I just saw Alice pulling away, is everything okay? Did something happen with Andrew?" My worry grew with each passing second that she didn't answer my questions.

"No, everything is fine. Alice just came to pick up Andrew, she took him to spend the night with her and Jazz," she answered, not looking me in the eye and biting her lip. I knew that look, she was nervous and anxious about something.

That did not ease my own anxiousness. As a matter of fact, it grew exponentially. Not being able to stand idly by, I eased my way into the house past her. I was stopped short by what I saw in the living room. In front of Bella's couch, there was a round glass table set up with two thin, long candles on tall, intricately carved wooded candle holders, a small arrangement of pink flowers, and in front of the chairs were place settings for two. The plates looked to be of a silver or light grey glass, and two filled champagne flutes sat on top of the plates. Finally, a mirrored frame sat next to one of the place settings.

I turned to look at Bella, who was still standing by the door. The look on her face broke my heart, and I rushed to see what was wrong. Guilt started to eat away at me. I messed this up, she'd gone through so much trouble, and I rushed into the house ruining her surprise.

"Baby, you did this all for us?" I asked in a soft voice.

"Yeah, I wanted to do something special for you. You don't like it do you?" She still wouldn't look at me, her eyes trained on the floor.

Unable to resist not seeing her beautiful eyes anymore, I lifted her chin and forced her eyes to mine. "It's beautiful and wonderful, baby, I'm sorry I'm such an idiot. I ruined your surprise with me worry." I apologized with all the regret I could. Kissing her lips softly, I let my mouth show her how much I loved what she did for us, and how grateful I was for such a beautiful evening she worked hard to create for us. Melting into our kiss, Bella finally began to relax.

Wordlessly, I lead her to the table and to the chair she indicated was hers. I helped her into her seat before taking my own seat. Lifting the champagne flute, I toasted my girlfriend and all the work she did for us.

After taking a couple of minutes to just enjoy the atmosphere, Bella got up to get our food. She'd made one of my favorites- stuffed crab cakes, lobster tail, and shrimp scampi. I chuckled internally when I thought about the fact that my girlfriend spent the evening filling our dinner with aphrodisiacs. I was going to have a raging hard-on until I got home- especially if we got started on one of our mega make-out sessions. If the previous few weeks were any indication, it was very possible. Just as Bella brought out dessert- which consisted of chocolate covered strawberries- our conversation went from talking about the mundane everyday things, to our future and desires. I explained how deep my feelings for her ran, and she explained that she never thought she would ever feel the way she did again. Then, she handed me the mirrored frame that was sitting on the table.

"Edward, you have made my life worth living once again. You have been there for me each and every hard moment this last year, and there is no other way I can thank you then to give you this." She handed me the frame with a shy smile on her face.

I took the frame from her, and read the words that brought tears to my eyes.

**ONE AND ONLY**

**You are my one and only love**

**You brighten every day**

**You bring the sunshine with our smile**

**You chase the clouds away**

**You make the hardest task seem light**

**With everything you do**

**How blessed I am, how thankful for**

**My one and only You**

Unable to contain myself any longer, I stood from my chair and rushed to her side. I lifted her out of her chair and kissed her with all the passion that I felt, all the love, and all I was. Then, words I never thought would rush out of me… did. "Marry me." I felt Bella stiffen at my words and I began to berate myself. How could I be so stupid. It had only been a year since her husband died, of course she didn't want to get married... fucking idiot... caught up in the goddamned moment, why couldn't I just keep my big fucking mouth shut. I ruined her perfect, fucking romantic evening... stupid fuck... I had to get the fuck out of there. I had to leave before I said something else that would fuck things up... With that final thought, I let go of Bella and started to walk backwards. The look on her face was one of pain and hurt. I couldn't look at her any more, I hurt her so badly already. I started to turn away when she stopped me.

*****JaD*****

**AN:** *hiding behind Jordan and Gordan* Um… yes these gentlemen are going to be my bodyguards until I know that it is again safe to come out. I'm sorry guys I really am I didn't mean to end it here, but Edward made me do it.

Don't worry the next chapter's already been started and I am hoping to have it done quickly. After looking at what I still want to add to the story I see that we only really have one real chapter and an Epi left. I have also already started working on the out-takes and a future-take for this. The Jake POV out-take will post after the Epi and that will be at the end of the story. Also if there is something in particular you would like to see an out-take of please let me know.

Please check out the two contests I have already entered and the one I have in mind to enter… The Edwardgetsficd contest... www . fanfiction . net / u / 2752317 / EdwardGetsFicd_Contest The quickie contest should start voting soon www . fanfiction . net /~quickiecontest

The next contest I will be participating in is… The love actually contest… www . fanfiction . net / u / 2805718/

Remember to remove all spaces.

**Recs of the week**:

Last chapter I mentioned a story I am pre-reading for and since she has finally started to post it I am rec'ing it this week…

**Love the way you lie** by: **Bnjwl** - A continuation of Robicorn's one shot. Follow Edward and Bella along their path of destruction, will their anger and rage consume them? Can they make it out of this relationship alive? Rated M for language, violence and lemons. Twilight-E/B pairing.

**My Viking** by: **sheviking**- Bella is captured by Vikings and brought with them to their home country where her new fate awaits. Can she ever find happiness being a slave? Will it make a difference that she is given to Edward to be his bed thrall? Rated M for old time lemons.

**Rabbit Heart** by: **KitsuShel**- When a stalker gets too close to rockstar Izzy Dwyer, she makes a choice that brings her back to her hometown and leads her on a journey full of new love and friendships.


	15. Chapter 15 Lets make a night to remember

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight that honor goes to Stephanie Meyer. I only own an imagination and the emotions that have gone into this story.

First, and foremost, I want to thank **Prettykittyartist **for all her hard work beta'ing my mess… she must be tired of putting coma, em-dash, period and delete after she is done with my mess.

To all those wonderful people who take the time to review, alert, or favorite I thank you from the deepest part of my heart. For all those that reviewed the last chapter and did not get their preview please accept my deepest apologies. I am having a problem with my internet and have been without it for a week. I am currently stealing my neighbors signal so that I can send this out to you all. To make it up to you all I will send a tease to you of either the epi or the first out-take that I have ready which is Jakes POV of the accident.

Title for this chapter comes from **Let's Make a Night to Remember** by: **Bryan Adams**

*****JaD*****

**Chapter 15- Let's make a night to remember**

"Edward?" I looked up to see the pain etched in her face again and quickly turned my gaze away. "Baby, please don't shut me out, please give me a moment." I could hear the pain in her voice now and it was killing me- shattering my heart in pieces. I again started to make my way toward the door, my throat was locked and I couldn't say anything. I knew I should tell her -something say goodbye or something, but I was so scared of what else would make its way out of my mouth.

Before I could take another step though, the most beautiful word came out as a whisper from Bella's mouth, "Yes."

My head snapped up to look at her, almost unbelieving what I just heard. She said yes... She. Said. YES. Her eyes were filled with emotion, the tears waiting to fall down her face. I quickly brought her back into my arms and kissed her with everything that I possessed. "Yes?" I asked again, just needing to hear her say it.

"Yes, Edward. I will marry you. I love you," she reiterated.

I held her to me again, eagerly kissing her sweet lips with passion and joy. Tracing her lips with my tongue, she quickly opened her mouth to allow me entrance. Our tongues tangled and played a wonderful game of tug of war, before I felt the nipping of her teeth on my lips. Unable to resist, my hands roamed her body, running my hands from her shoulders, down to her wrist, and eventually to her side. Pulling her closer to me, I let her feel what she did to me. I let her feel how much I wanted her, something I never really pushed, but seeing as she was now my fiancé and not just my girlfriend, I felt it was safe to let her feel me. A moan escaped my mouth as I felt her hands pulling my hair in the most delicious way.

Releasing my hair, Bella urged me toward the stairs. Unsure of what she wanted to do, I paused and held her to me. "I have a surprise for you upstairs, my love," she said with a secretive smile.

Allowing her to lead me to where she wanted me, we stopped in front of her bedroom. "Bella?" With simply saying her name, I was asking her a million questions. What were we doing in front of her bedroom? Was she ready for the same things I was? Was she really going to allow me to show her how much I loved her with my body and not just my words? Did she know I was willing to wait until she was ready, or until we were married? All these thoughts were brought to a halt the second she opened the door.

Inside her room there were at least a dozen or so lit candles, white sheer drapes covering every inch of the walls, white cloths covering all the furniture, white sheets on her bed, and finally, red rose petals spread over everything. Every inch of the room screamed romance and seduction. I turned around to look at the beautiful woman standing next to me. "You planned this?"

She smiled her sweet, shy smile at me, "I wanted to give us a special night together, I hope that is okay?" The doubt was clear in her voice, and I didn't want her to doubt that what she did for us was anything but spectacular, so I quickly lifted her up, kissing her passionately, and made my way over to her bed. Laying her down carefully, I slowed the movements of my hands to soft sensual touches. My hands started at the knots that were holding her black sleeveless wrap dress closed on her body. My eyes roamed as they slowly took in what she was wearing underneath it. I couldn't believe how sexy her black lace panty set was. I ran my fingers over the lace that covered her supple breasts, admiring the intricate lace pattern. Enjoying the way her nipples responded to my touch, I unclasped the bra, quickly removed it, and wrapped my lips around her left nipple as my hand massaged and pulled on the right one. I kissed a trail from her breasts to her belly button, letting my tongue slip out to taste her sweet skin every so often. Once I reached the line of the panties that criss-crossed over her womb, my mind started picturing Bella's womb growing with my child. Hooking my fingers under the straps that were holding up the panties, I slowly dragged them off her body.

Once I had them completely off, I kissed up one leg and then the other before placing one final kiss right in the apex of her thighs. The moans and panting breaths that were falling from Bella's mouth were spurring me on. Looking up to her eyes, I let my tongue slip out of my mouth and tasted her sweetness. Bella's gasp let me know that she was thoroughly enjoying what my mouth was doing to her. I slowly sucked on her sensitive nub and quickly pushed two fingers deep inside of her, curling them and feeling that cushy part that could only be her G spot. The bucking of her hips, and tightening of her thighs around my head, let me know I hit just the right spot. "Ugh... Edward... ugh... please... please... more... ugh... I'm so close." With those words of encouragement, I quickened the pace on my fingers until I felt her falling apart all over them. I lapped up the sweet juices that began to leak out of her core.

Once I finally felt her come down and relax, I eased my fingers out of her. The grip her walls trapped my fingers with was like nothing I'd ever felt before. I was amazed, and eager to feel that constriction on my hard dick. Kissing my way back up her body, I arrived at her mouth, but I was slightly hesitant to kiss her lips. I was afraid that she would be repulsed to taste herself on my tongue, but she took that choice out of my hands when she gripped my hair tightly and pushed my mouth to hers, licking my lower lip asking for entrance. As soon as I opened my mouth to her, she pushed her tongue into my mouth and tangled it with my own. The moan that erupted from my chest could not be contained. Feeling the passion that erupted out of her body was so sweet and exotic.

Bella pushed me onto my back and quickly straddled my hips, trapping my aching cock between us. Her wet center rubbing against the length of me as she rocked her hips slowly back and forth. It was one of the most tantalizing tortures I have ever experienced, but if I didn't put a stop to it, I would have lost it before being inside of her. "Baby, please... please stop... I want to be inside you before I lose it," I pleaded in a strained voice.

With a smirk on her face, Bella asked, "what do you want baby?"

Flipping her over so that I could hover above her, I said, "to be inside you." Then, I quickly slid myself into her tight and warm space. It was like being in heaven- she felt so good wrapping me completely. I felt her stretch and adjust to my size, but nothing could've prepared me for the feelings that being with her like this invoked. My love for her grew more at that moment.

I began a slow, sweet, but passionate pace, whispering words of love with each push and pull in and out of her. The building of my impending climax was getting closer, but I didn't want to reach it until I felt her walls constrict around me. I brought one hand down to her bundle of nerves while my mouth worked over her nipples. I felt the digging of her nails in the flesh of my back, indicating that I was getting her closer to her own ecstasy. A few rounds of my fingers around her clit, and I felt the walls tighten around me just the way I wanted them to. As she constricted and pulled me deeper, my own climax burst through. Chanting her name over and over, I spilled myself deep into her. After giving myself a few minutes to calm down, I rolled us over so that she could lay on top of me, never once letting my dick slip out of her sweet, drenched pussy.

"How long do you want to wait before we get married?" I asked, running my hands up and down her spine. I was eager to make her my wife, to be able to lay with her every night just the way we were in that moment.

Chuckling, she answered, "let's see how long it will take Alice to set something up."

"Alice?" I inquired, confused. What did her sister have to do with us getting married.

"Yes, because if I don't let her plan it, she will try to take over anyway," she explained, shaking her head back and forth like she was trying to dispel some thought out of her mind.

"But it's our wedding," I half whined.

"Yes, baby, and we will have full veto power over anything she comes up with, but trust me when I tell you it is for the best to have Alice do all the work." Her wink assured me that she knew exactly what she was talking about. You would hope, with Alice being her sister and all.

"If that is what you want baby, then that is what we will do," I conceded.

*****JaD*****

The days following that night were filled with informing the family, and the girls- including my mom, setting up plans. Bella and I decided we didn't want anything big, especially since she'd done the big wedding thing with Jake. We agreed to wait until August to get married since Rose was due in July, and Bella insisted she wanted both Rose and Alice to be bridesmaids in the wedding, and leaving Emmett and Jasper to be our groomsmen. Alice was going to be the Matron of Honor, and Emmett was going to be my best man. It felt funny that for the wedding, my brother and Bella's sister were going to switch spouses, but they all got along so well that it didn't really matter much.

Bella also decided she wanted to move into my house, leaving the house she once shared with Jake for Andrew when he grew up. She couldn't bring herself to completely part with it, seeing as it was still a very important part of her life. I understood, and never pushed the issue of what she once shared with Jake. My dad suggested that in the interim, Bella rent the house out.

We took a few weeks to set up Andrew's bedroom, mostly because I wanted to really do something special for him. I contracted a group of artists to come out and sketch cars all over the far wall across from his crib. Then, I bought all different types of Disney Cars decorations and things for the walls. If you walked into the room, it looked more like an auto garage for Lighting McQueen than a bedroom. But, in my heart, nothing was good enough for the little man.

One of the conversations I was scared of having was the one I wanted to have with Billy. Without Bella noticing, I called him the night before Bella and Andrew were set to move in.

"Hello?" Billy answered the phone on the third ring.

"Um... hey, Mr. Black, it's Edward," I said hesitantly.

"Oh. Hey, Edward, what can I do for ya?"

"I wanted to talk to you about something, do you have a minute?" I was nervous, and I was sure that Billy could hear it in my voice.

"Sure, what's up?" I could hear the curiosity in his voice.

Taking a deep breath, I got the nerve up to ask him, "I want to adopt Andrew and be his father, and I wanted to know if you would give me your blessing to do that."

Quite a few minutes of complete silence passed, and I stared to think that I had over stepped my bounds, and that Billy was going to deny, my request.

Finally, after what felt like hours instead of minutes, he replied, "wow... um... well... first off, what did Bella say?"

"I haven't asked her yet."

"What do you mean you haven't asked her? She is Andrew's mother, she should be the one to give you that permission, not me." The incredulity was clear in his tone.

"With all due respect, Mr. Black, Jacob was your son, and Andrew is his son. I felt it prudent to get your permission before I talked to Bella about this." The nerves were once again getting the better of me.

"Well, I feel honored that you would take my son's and my feelings into consideration. And I know that Bella and you are set to be married in a few months, so, since you will be the person who will be helping to raise my grandson anyway, I don't have any objections to you adopting him. I do have one request though."

"Of course Mr. Black, anything," I readily agreed.

"Forget that, two requests. The first, please stop calling me Mr. Black... Billy, please. The second is that you keep the Black name along with the Cullen name."

Seeing his request as more than fair- considering I never thought of changing Andrew's last name, but honestly enjoying the thought of him having the Cullen name- I quickly agreed to his request.

Billy and I spoke for a few more minutes, him congratulating me on my impending nuptials to his former daughter-in-law, and me thanking him profusely for allowing me to adopt Andrew.

That night, I told Bella about my desire to adopt the little man and about my conversation with Billy. She cried tears of joy, and then kissed me passionately, leading us to make love twice that night.

So, the adoption paper work was put in the next day. Our Wedding day would also be the day Andrew would officially become my son.

*****JaD*****

After that, time seemed to fly by in leaps and bounds. Bella was completely occupied with wedding stuff. Emmett and I worked double time so that we could finish any projects before the arrival of their baby, and I before the wedding. Bella and I planned on taking an extended honeymoon. We were going to Florida first, for two weeks so we could take Andrew to Disney World. Then, Renee was going to stay with him so that Bella and I could take a ten-day cruise around the Caribbean.

Before we knew it, June was rolling around the corner, and Rose was bed bound. Since Emmett was so busy, Bella went to spend time with her at the their house while he was working. It was the end of June, the day that Bella called us slightly frantic.

"Edward, you and Emmett need to get to the hospital right away," she yelled into the phone.

"Why, Bella? What's wrong?" I asked, my panic rising hearing her tone.

"Rose is in labor. Her water broke when I came up to bring her lunch. We are on our way to the hospital now."

"We are on our way." Was all I said before hanging up and informing Emmett of what was going on.

In less than ten minutes Emmett got us to the hospital. I was sure he'd never driven his truck that fast in his life. Rushing up to the Maternity floor, Emmett ran to Rosalie's room, leaving me in the waiting room with my parents who arrived a few short minutes after us.

Not long after, Bella came out to meet us in the waiting room. "She is being prepared for surgery."

We already knew that because of the placental abruption she experienced with Noemi, there was no way the doctors were going to let her try to have a normal delivery.

Half an hour after we arrived to the hospital, Emmett walked out with the biggest smile plastered on his face.

"Mathew Jacob Cullen is a healthy 8lb., 4oz., 21inches boy, born at 3:16 pm," said the proud beaming papa.

We all congratulated him on the birth of his son. Bella and I- being the Godparents- were beaming just as much as he was. Emmett went back into the room where Rose was recovering, and let us know that they would let us see Rose and the baby in a few minutes- he would come out to get us.

We went and took pictures with the beautiful little boy that was now a member of our family. It was such a happy time, unlike the last time we'd been in the same space.

I greatly enjoyed watching Bella carry little Mathew. I couldn't wait to be here with her introducing our own little boy or girl into the family. I decided then and there that I wanted to try for a baby as soon as we were married. I hoped that Bella would be agreeable to the idea as well. After spending some time with both Rosalie and the baby, Bella whispered that we should go pick up Andrew and head on home. I loved the sound of her saying home and meaning the house we now both shared. It'd been a few weeks that we'd been living together, but I still hadn't gotten tired of hearing that word come out of her mouth.

Soon afterward, we passed by Angela's to pick up Andrew. She and her husband Ben had taken to spending some time with Andrew now that they too were expecting a little one. Angela told Bella that she wanted the practice. Even though Andrew was over a year and a half old, she still wanted to spend time with him. Once we got home with Andrew, Bella put him to bed before she came to join me in the bedroom. We took a shower and then I made love to her, picturing what it would be once I was making love to her as my wife, and we were trying to conceive our own child.

*****JaD*****

Before I knew it, I was pacing a hole in the floor of our bedroom. It was the day of our wedding. Bella and I were getting married in our backyard. There was a tent set up with icicle Christmas lights hanging off of it. We chose to get married just before sunset, making it possible for us to share our first dance as husband and wife at twilight. Pastor Jeff had agreed to marry us, which made Bella so joyful that she almost cried. She was so afraid that because she'd been previously married through the church, that she wouldn't be able to get married again with the Lords blessing. Pastor Jeff explained that she was a widow, which made her involuntarily single, therefore, allowing her to marry with no problems.

My dad came in to inform me that it was time to head down, "Son, we should start to make our way down. The girls are almost ready."

"Really? How does she look?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.

"You will see her soon, son," my dad said, chuckling at my anxiousness to see Bella.

Sighing, I walked out the door behind my dad- ready to make my way out to the back yard, and make Bella my wife. With my brother standing next to me, and Jasper next to him, we stood dressed in our tuxes. Emmett and Jasper wore matching tuxes with red cummerbunds and bow-ties. I wore a white tux with a red vest and standard tie.

The first one that walked down the aisle was Tanya, in her junior bridesmaid dress. Since we really didn't know any small children other than Andrew, Tanya agreed to be a junior bridesmaid and walk out with Andrew as our ring boy. He looked so handsome in his little black tux, glittery red vest, and tie. Tanya was dressed in a white dress with red trimming and flower designs. They were followed by Rose, who was dressed in a sleeveless red bridesmaid dress with a silver design in the middle just under her bust. I heard Emmett's quiet 'fuck' when he noticed how good she looked. She'd lost most of her baby weight, and was almost back to her pre-pregnancy body. Alice was next; her dress almost identical to Rose's, with the exception that it was much shorter ,only reaching to just below her knees. Finally, the music changed to indicate Bella's arrival at the end of the aisle.

I forgot how to breathe when my eyes landed on her. She was dressed in a cream colored dress that was made entirely of some shear fabric, and pleated. The crochet band that was just under the bust of the sleeveless front made me itch to trace it with my fingers. She didn't use a veil, so her hair was in a half up, half down style that had ringlets framing around her face and small white flowers weaved throughout. Her father walked with her towards me- the minute he reached me he gently placed Bella's hand in mine. I knew that I was finally going to be able to breathe again.

I couldn't tell you what else happened during the rest of the ceremony because my attention was completely focused on the vision of the woman that stood next to me. I know I said the vows when prompted, and "I do" at the right moment- and that Bella did the same thing. I remember pushing my ring onto her finger—that bounded her to me for life—but, that is all.

The next thing that registered in my mind was Pastor Jeff's comment of being able to kiss the bride, and announcing us to everyone as husband and wife for the first time. I kissed her with all the passion I could muster- without it being too risqué.

The night went smoothly- we held each other, kissed, ate a wonderful meal, toasts were made, and the cake was cut. But the moment that will always be with me, was the moment that I danced the first dance with my wife.

As I danced around the floor with Bella held in my arms tightly, I whispered the lyrics to Bryan Adam's _Lets Make a Night to Remember_. At the end of the song, kissing her softly, I told Bella just what she meant to me.

"I love you now and forever, Mrs. Cullen."

*****JaD*****

**AN:** This story is almost finished, all we have is an epi left that I am hoping I can get to soon. I am hoping that the problems with my internet will be able to be fixed soon and be able to write what I have in mind.

I thank everyone for all the support and love you have given to this story. It has meant a lot to me that you like it. There are a few people that I have to thank personally for all the help and support they have given me. **I'm random girl** baby you know what you mean to me… all the love and support that you have given me these last few months are more than I can ever express. **Michelle** my wifey and the best pimp a girl could ever ask for. **Mugglemom** for all her help in pre-reading, being a sounding board and being the best friend a girl could ever have. Finally, **to my number one supporter**, You mean the world to me.

Also know that I might be done with this story, but I am not finished writing and have a few things I want to work on. Not only my contest entries but a few other projects as well. Put me on Author Alert so that you can know when I post something new.

I have no rec's for this chapter only because my internet is not working, but the stories that have kept me entertained lately are **Unexpected circumstance** by **Savage7289**; **The Maiden** by **Beegirl**; **Let your fingers do the talking** by **busymommy**.


	16. Epilogue  The Climb

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight that honor goes to Stephanie Meyer. I only own an imagination and the emotions that have gone into this story.

First, and foremost, I want to thank **Prettykittyartist **for all her hard work beta'ing my mess… she must be tired of putting coma, em-dash, period and delete after she is done with my mess.

To all those wonderful people who take the time to review, alert, or favorite I thank you from the deepest part of my heart.

Title for this chapter comes from **The Climb** by: **Miley Cyrus**

*****JaD*****

**Epilogue- The Climb**

**BPOV**

We were getting ready to celebrate Andrew's eighth birthday. We never celebrated on the actual day out of respect for Jake's memory, but we did something each and every year. This year, we were just going to do a small family dinner at home since Andrew was going to go to Florida with my mom for the Thanksgiving break. She said she wanted to give Edward and I a chance to relax without anyone for a few days. It was a rarity to be in a quiet house nowadays. If we weren't preoccupied by one of the kids that were always coming in and out of the house, we were busy with brothers and sisters.

Alice, Jasper, and their four year old twins, April, and Maddy, along with Rosalie, Emmett and their kids, Mathew-six, and Erica-five, were constantly at the house. All the kids loved to play together, and I loved having them all around. It felt so wonderful to have the constant noise and joy filling our home.

"Mommy!" I was brought out of my musing by the sound of my little man calling for me.

"Yeah, Andrew, what do you need?" I asked him as I made my way up the stairs.

"Have you seen my Vans? I can't go skateboarding with Elijah without them," he said as I walked in to see him tossing things from his closet.

I shook my head as I thought about the mess he must have inside that closet. "If you would put things away in their place after you're finished with them, you wouldn't have a problem finding things," I chided

"I did put them away," he huffed at my constant nagging.

Raising my eyebrow in a very Edward-like fashion I asked, "Are you sure you put them away?"

"Well, I put them in the closet," he replied a little more hesitantly this time.

"Mm hmm," was all I said. I didn't need to say anything else, really. He knew that he hadn't done what he was supposed to, which was -put them in the shoe cubby that Edward installed when Alice wouldn't stop buying Andrew shoes. Who would have known that my son's shoe addiction would be as bad as my sister's.

"Mom, can you please help me find them instead of nagging me about them?" Andrew whined.

"Oh no, young man, you are going to have to look for them all by yourself. Make sure you put everything away properly before your dad gets home." He didn't say much else and just grumbled under his breath. I think I caught him saying something about it taking him all day to do that and that he was not going to have enough time to play with his best friend.

I walked out of the room and headed over to the nursery to check up on three year old, Elizabeth. Our daughter was the perfect combination of Edward and myself. She had wavy dark brown hair and the brightest green eyes. After two wonderful years of marriage, Edward and I decided it was about time we tried to have a child. Thinking it was going to take us a little while, I stopped my birth control just after our anniversary and imagine our surprise to find out we were pregnant two months later. I loved and adored my daughter as much as I did Andrew, but I relished in the times she would go down for her nap. Where Andrew was a quiet happy baby, little Ellie -as we called her- demanded our constant attention.

Seeing that she was sleeping soundly in her new big girl bed, I headed back down to work on dinner. I was making Andrew's favorite –lasagna. Since there were so many layers, it was important to start it early. I was just about done adding the last layer of meat and ricotta cheese when I felt the strong arms of my husband wrap around me.

"What are you doing on your feet?" he whispered across my neck, causing shivers of need to travel down my body.

"Making Andrew's birthday dinner, what does it look like I'm doing?" I tried to sound unaffected by what his touch did to me. After six years of marriage, my need for him had only grown, leaving me constantly needy for his touch, his kisses, and his body in general.

"Let me do that. You need to sit with your feet up," he said as he gently eased me out of the way.

"Edward! I'm pregnant, not an invalid. We went through this when I was expecting Ellie. I can do almost everything," I huffed, his overprotective, overbearing nature irritating the crap out of me. We found out I was pregnant with another boy when I was already almost 14 weeks. We weren't trying to get pregnant, so I missed the signs that my periods were lighter than usual until the day I missed it completely. A few days later, I ended up at the hospital with what I thought was food poisoning. You can imagine the shock to me and Edward both when the doctor announced that my food poisoning my food poisoning would last nine months and end with an eighteen year long gift. Tests were done that day in the hospital, and we went home elated.

"I know you can, baby, but I don't want you to tire yourself out," he said in a very suggestive voice.

Giggling and suddenly feeling tired, I moved over to sit on the stool at the counter. I watched as Edward put the finishing touches on the lasagna. A small moan slipped out my lips when he bent down to put it into the oven. The view of his ass was so mouth watering, and apparently, I hit the horniest part of my pregnancy.

"See something you like?" he asked, with his sexy as heck smirk firmly in place.

Looking at him through my lashes, I fluttered them innocently before shaking my head. I loved playing this game with Edward. I just hoped that Ellie would stay asleep long enough for us to do what my body desperately desired. In three strides, Edward was by my side, claiming my lips with his. The kiss was needy and passionate, reflecting what our bodies were begging for.

"Andrew? Ellie?" he asked against my lips.

"Andrew went over to play with Elijah, and Ellie is napping- which means we should have at least forty-five minutes." Without any more preambles, Edward picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist, and walked us upstairs to our bedroom.

Worshipping me with his mouth and fingers, Edward worked my body the way that only he knew how. Feeling his tongue lapping at my center, while his fingers pushed in and out of me, I exploded with violent tremors. He let me come down from my ecstasy before positioning himself over me. In one swift motion, he entered my warm core.

"Fuck... so tight... so warm..." he panted as he pushed in and out of me.

I had no coherent words to express how I felt, so I just showed him with my movements and I reached my climax again quickly. After a few more thrusts, I felt him swell before exploding inside of me.

We laid in the bed for only a few minutes before I heard Ellie's cries, and I reluctantly dressed quickly and headed to see what my baby girl wanted. After helping her in the potty, I headed back down to check on the food in the oven with Ellie on my hip. She loved to watch me cook, and would even pretend with her little play cooking set to mimic everything I was doing.

Not long after, Andrew ran into the house with Elijah, not more than two steps behind him.

"No running in the house," I sighed. I don't know how many times I had to remind them not to run, play ball, or practice their karate in the house. We have plenty of space in the yard for all those activities.

"Sorry mom," mumbled my son

"Yeah, sorry Mrs. Bella," Elijah said, right behind him.

I nodded, letting them know I understood, and let them keep going on their way to the backyard. It was a rare dry day, even with the cold wind that was blowing.

Edward and I were so surprised when Andrew began school a few years ago, and we ran into Mr. Roberts and his wife. It turned out that their son -who was a couple of months older than Andrew- was in the same class as my son. The fact that the school was a private Christian school didn't really affect me when it came to the fact that they were in the same class together, it was finding out later that we lived in the same neighborhood as them. Since Mr. Roberts- or Hamilton as he now asked us to call him- went to see me at the home that Jake and I bought, he didn't know that we were in the same neighborhood he lived in. The day the boys begged us for a play date was the day we found out how close to each other we really were. The boys have been best of friends since. Elijah is at our home as much as Andrew is over at their house.

Not long after the boys came into the house from playing in our backyard, Maria and Hamilton showed up with their little girl Lucy-Lucy was the spitting image of her mother, while Elijah was his father's clone-the little girl just celebrated her fifth birthday this past summer and was excited to be going to the same school as the boys. Following the Roberts was the arrival of all the members of our family and their kids. The house was filled to capacity, but I loved every second of it. Edward, on the other hand, was griping about the fact that I was doing too much in my delicate condition- apparently forgetting the activities we participated in only a few hours prior.

After we all enjoyed the dinner and cake, we sat in the living room to allow Andrew time to open all his presents. He went through everything quickly and tossed all the clothing in a pile so he could concentrate on the toys. Once everything was picked up, Elijah, Mathew, and Andrew ran up to Andrew's room to play with his new toys. April, Maddy, Lucy, and Erica were all playing in Ellie's room, while Ellie was passed out asleep in her daddy's arms. That was how we ended the day.

My mom came and picked up Andrew and Ellie for their trip to Florida, and Edward and I enjoyed a few days of peace and quiet.

*****JaD*****

Before we knew it, November turned into December, and then January and February, bringing March on top of us. My due date was mid-March, so Edward was busy working so that he could take the time off after the baby was born.

I was shopping with Alice and Rose -who refused to leave me alone much anymore since I was so close to my due date- when my water broke.

"Oh, crap! Ali, my water broke," I yelped from the changing room I was in.

"Shit! Bella, are you okay? Do you need help?" she asked, trying to get into the little room I was in. The door was locked, so she just kept rattling the handle.

"I'm fine, Ali, I will be out in a sec..." I stopped short when a contraction hit. I gripped on to the bench and tried to breathe through the pain. I really wanted Edward to be by my side at that moment. I wished it would've been like when Ellie was born, so that he was sitting with me when I went into labor.

Rose joined in with Alice, banging and trying to get the door opened, but at that moment, all I could do was try to concentrate on getting past the pain. Thankfully, the contraction wasn't that long, but it was strong enough to let me know that this baby was coming fast.

I was able to finish putting my clothes back on and get out the door before Alice got the manager to unlock the door for her. Rose agreed to stay behind to help clean up the mess that was left on the floor and pay for any damages, while Alice and I headed to the hospital.

I called Edward on our way to the hospital. He was at the new office building. After adopting Andrew, and the birth of Mathew, Edward and Emmett got involved with a small children's video game company. After developing a number of popular games, VTech contacted them to help with developing games for them on a regular basis. After that, they ended up with two more contracts from major children's video game system companies. So, after years of working from home, the boys relented and bought a small building. Now they staffed fifteen game developers, and each of them had their own assistants.

To avoid calling his cell and not getting an answer, I called the office first. "Edward Cullen's office, this is Tanya, how can I help you?" Answered my favorite assistant.

"Hey Tanya, is Edward close by?" I said through clenched teeth as another contraction began.

"Bella, is everything alright?" The concern was clear in her voice.

I handed the phone over to Alice since there was no way I would be able to speak during the peak of pain.

"Hey Tanya, it's Ali, can you get Edward on the phone for me? Bella's in labor," my sister powered to the point quickly. Tanya must have put her on hold because there was silence for quite a few minutes.

After what felt like two minutes, I hear Ali tell Edward that we are heading to the hospital and what was going on. Alice passed me the phone when it was obvious that my contraction passed.

"Baby, it's going to be all right. I will meet you at the hospital. I will see you soon, all right. I need you to be my strong, wonderful wife that we both know you can be," he encouraged as soon as he heard the sound of my weak greeting.

"Okay," was all I said before my throat locked up on me and another contraction began.

Once again, Alice took the phone from my hands. "Edward, you need to hurry... no... that's the second to hit since we called... um... they are about six minutes apart and lasting about a minute and a half each... yeah... I... I... Damn it! I KNOW EDWARD. We will see you at the hospital. Okay... okay... bye."

"Damn, your husband can be a pain in the ass sometimes," she ranted once she turned my phone off. I knew that Edward was nervous and probably letting his possessive, controlling nature bleed through.

"I know, Alice, I'm sorry," I sighed once the contraction subsided.

I was honestly beginning to get a bit scared because the contractions were coming on quickly and lasting longer. I was worried we wouldn't make it to the hospital in time. More importantly, I worried that Edward would miss the birth of our second son.

Finally, after what felt like hours -but knowing it was only minutes- Within fifteen minutes of our arrival, I was changed, registered, and checked in. The monitors attached to my belly read each contraction and the babies reaction to it.

The nurse, Laura, came in to examine me once again, since the strip said that my contractions were now only four minutes apart and lasting almost two full minutes. Once she was done with her intrusion she explained that I was at almost five centimeters, seventy percent effaced, and at a plus one.

I looked at my sister when she informed us how far I progressed in a short time. I'm sure the panic was clear on my face because she quickly tried to assure me. "I'm sure he'll be walking, be walking in the door any second now." Those words brought me back to a time when I'd heard them and my husband never arrived.

I shook my head, trying to get those memories out; hoping and praying that history would not repeat itself with another son. _Stop thinking negative thoughts, Bella. Edward will be walking through that door any second. He probably just got caught up trying to leave the office._ I chanted to myself.

After about another half hour to forty-five minutes, Laura once again walked in asking to check my progress. The contractions were practically on top of each other now.

"Mrs. Cullen, your almost fully dilated and the baby has dropped into the birth canal. You will be ready to start pushing soon," she said, almost looking happy. The look on my face must not have been the one she was expecting because her smile quickly disappeared. "I'm going to go call Dr. Cook now. He should be here by the time you are ready to start the pushing process."

As the nurse walked out to call the doctor, Alice and Rose walked in with strained faces. "Where is Edward?" I practically cried. Panic and flashbacks of the day Andrew was born once again gripped me.

Alice looked at Rose, and she looked at Alice. The look they were sharing was enough to tell me I wouldn't like the words that were about to come out of one of their mouths.

"Bella... um..." Rose began, but was unable to continue. Fear gripped my heart, my breathing increased, and I could feel the panic that I was trying to keep at bay rise.

"Edward's not going to make it, Bella, there was an accident..." was the last thing I heard before complete panic took over. No, not again. I can't go through this again. I can't lose another husband. I can't raise three children by myself. I just couldn't do it. I loved Edward with all that I was, more than I ever loved Jake.

Suddenly, Laura rushed in with right behind her. "What happened?" I barely heard Laura ask my sisters. I couldn't really make out what they were saying over the sound my own blood rushing in my head. Then, everything went black.

The next time any conscious thoughts registered in my head I could hear the sound of a baby crying. I tried to move, but found the task almost impossible. My body felt heavy, as if there was a lead blanket on top of it. I tried to open my eyes, but they too, felt extremely heavy.

"Shhh... baby... you're going to wake up mommy... she needs her rest... you guys went through a lot tonight," The sweetest voice my ears could ever hear, said. My eyes popped open to see if he was really there. When my eyes focused on his two wonderful green eyes, I knew my world was all right again. My sweet little boy was in his arms.

"Hey, mommy, we have been waiting to meet you," Edward said, looking at both me and our son.

"I love you," I said as tears rolled down my cheek, the comment meant for both of the men now standing in front of me. At that moment, I knew there would always be mountains I would have to climb... but I had to keep the faith that everything would work out fine.

*****JaD*****

**AN:** This story is now officially finished, but I will be adding outtakes and a future-take to the end of this so please keep that in mind.

I don't know what else to say, but thank you to all that have gone through the journey of this story with me. You have made writing something so angsty and painful worth it.

For those who have put my one-shot Secrets & Consequences on alert or favorites. I have plans to continue that story as well, I will be taking a short break after I am finished with the outtakes and future-take of this story for planning and some pre-writing before I will start posting. For those of you that have not read the OS yet please go on and read it… it's my attempt at BDSM.

**Recs for the week:** Im rec'ing some older stories this time around but they are still great classics.

**Baby Baby** by: **Teamtwiligh26 **- COMPLETE! Bella and Edward get an unexpected surprise but Bella keeps it a secret. Will she tell Edward? And if she does tell him what will happen next? Really good! I promise you won't be disappointed! AWARD WINNING! OVER 370,000 hits! READ AND REVIEW!

**Femme Docs and Kevlar Knights** by: **A Cullen Wannabe** - Bella is a first yr medical intern who was raised by her brother Emmett and his friends after their parents died when she was 16. When a night in the ER turns dangerous can her boys, now members of the best SWAT team in Chicago save her? Lang/Lem/complete

**Falling For You** by: **Greeneyedgirl17** - Bella Swan has gone through crappy date... after crappy date, causing her to lose all hope for a good guy. Until she meets Edward Cullen, a divorced father of two. They have an instant connection when they meet, but will love come easily for them? AH


	17. Jake POV outtake

**Disclaimer: after all this time I think we all know I don't own the characters… only the plot.**

**Thank you to my wonderful Beta Prettykittyartist for all her help in editing this.**

**As you know this is the first of two out-takes and one future take I have in mind. These are just supplemental chapters that I thought of as I was writing the story and well thought it would be great to share them. The next out-take will be of James POV of what happened at the trial. **

**Thank you for everyone that took the time to review the epi of Just a Dream. I am sorry I did not send anything out to you all… but know that I to totally and completely appreciate it. For those that are interested in what I am going to be working on next. I have already started the planning part of Secrets & Consequences continuation. I still think it will be about a month before I start to post anything after the last of this story has been posted. One of the reasons for that is that I need to try and write out as much of that story as possible before the end of school… cause three kids home will kill any chance of concentration. **

**Song for this out-take is Untitled **by**: Simple Plan.**

**Jake POV**

I was so excited when I picked up Bells call. My little boy was finally coming into the world. I thanked God the entire way for blessing me with a wonderful Lord loving woman, and now a beautiful little boy that I couldn't wait to see grow up as a man of God like myself. I was lost in my prayers and one of my favorite worship songs _Living Waters_ when, I saw the bright headlights coming towards me.

I tried to brake and swerve out of the way, but it was too late; the large truck hit me. I knew from all my years of working on cars, that the headlights were from a Chevy Silverado. The collision was head on, and my poor little Toyota Yaris did not stand a chance. The sound of crunching metal was ear piercing, and it felt like everything was in slow motion. In my minds eye, I could see how the metal of my little car crunched up to look like an accordion, and how the big trucks head lights shattered into a hundred pieces bathing us in darkness once more.

The next thing I am aware of is seeing bright lights shining in my eyes. I can hear noise, and voices but it seems no one can hear me. I scream, trying to get anyone's attention, but they just keep moving around me.

"They can't hear you anymore, Jacob," I hear a sweet voice say next to me. Confused, I look over to see someone I shouldn't be able to see; she was an angel, she was up in heaven with God. Did this mean I was dead now, too?

"Not yet, sweetheart, but your body is just a shell now, keeping you trapped here until you can come and join me," my mother's voice answered. She heard my thoughts? I know I hadn't spoken them.

"I can hear everything, I see everything, that is the power of being dead and being up in heaven with our Lord and Savior," she said, giving me one of her sweet smiles.

In another flash of light, she was gone, and I found myself standing in front of my body in the hospital. I was hooked up to all kinds of machines, and I could see doctors and nurses running around doing different things to my body. I didn't really understand what was going on exactly, but my thoughts flashed to Bella, remembering that she called me at my dad's house and told me she was in labor. That was why I was going to the hospital.

With another flash of light, I found myself watching over the doctor who was helping Bella bring Andrew into the world.

"Jake, where are you?" she thought as she pushed our son into the world. I could feel the sadness she felt for me having to miss that amazing moment. 'I'm right here angel,' I thought to myself. I was suddenly full of all kinds of emotions listening to the cries of my son fill the room. The sound was as beautiful as the humming that I heard when my mother spoke to me earlier.

More flashes crossed my eyes and I found myself standing in a room watching Charlie, my dad, and officers talking to the doctors that had been working on my body earlier.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Black... your son is not responding. We have done some testing to look for brain activity and he doesn't show any. What would you like us to do?" the doctor with the dark hair asked my father.

"I can't make that decision... you need to ask his wife... oh God... Bella... she is going to be devastated... she is here giving birth to their son right now," my father answered him, the pain was clear in his voice.

More flashes and I found myself looking over my own body again, only this time, Bella was standing next to me. She was holding my hand since it was one of the only places in my body that wasn't attached to something.

"Jake, baby, please, you need to fight, you need to come back to me. You need to do this for our son, he needs his father to help him become a man," she sobbed, the heartbreaking pain clear in her voice.

I wished that I could, help her, whispering words of courage to her. "I can't help you, angel... all I can do it show you that I am here with you. No matter where the fates takes us, I will always be with you, my love." I extended my hand, hoping that she could feel my touch. She shivered slightly as tears streamed down her face.

"Jake, no one can hear you. I thought that was explained to you already," came a deep voice I'd never heard before.

"I know, but I can't stand to see my angel in pain. This is hurting her. Why can't I just go back?" I begged the man standing next to me.

"Because my son, you have fulfilled your purpose in this life. The Father has a place ready for you" the voice answered.

Before I could say anything else, there were flashes once again, and I found myself watching my father holding my hand.

"Jake, my dear son, please know I will always love you, but Bella is right, it's time to let you go. I will miss you, and I promise to help Andrew grow up to be a strong man the way his father was. Goodbye, son. "With tears rolling down his face, I saw my father lift himself off his chair enough to kiss my forehead.

As the flashes got brighter, I knew it was close to the end. The final image I saw was of Bella with Andrew in her arms, and the doctors all standing around the bed that my unmoving body lay in.

"It will only be a few minutes after we turn off the machines before all life ceases to exist in your husbands' body, Mrs. Black," one of the doctors said.

Bella nodded her head, and brought little Andrew closer to my body. "Say goodbye to daddy, baby. He will now be watching over us from heaven," she whispered sadly. Kissing me, and then rubbing Andrew's little cheeks against my face, she stepped back and let the doctors turn off the machines. "I will always watch over you my, sweet angels. You will always know that I love you, even if I can't say it. Look for me in your dreams," I thought. I really wished that she could hear me say those words to them.

The last thing I heard before the light completely surrounded me was, "I will love you forever Jake."


End file.
